2317: Getting Started with Intentional Parenting by Shawna Scafe of Simple On Purpose on Motherhood

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Getting Started with Intentional Parenting by Shawna Scafe of SimpleOn Purpose.ca

[00:00:09] Hello everybody, I am your host Greg Audino and welcome to Optimal Relationships Daily.

[00:00:16] Today we are going to be hearing from Shawna Scafe on what Intentional Parenting is all about.

[00:00:21] This is a great post on Mindfulness and more, and it is just swell to be here sharing Shawna's insights with you.

[00:00:27] So let's hear it and start optimizing your life.

[00:00:35] Getting Started with Intentional Parenting by Shawna Scafe of SimpleOn Purpose.ca

[00:00:42] Have you ever met a family and looked at their lifestyle or traditions or way of interacting

[00:00:47] and thought?

[00:00:48] Yeah, they've got that something.

[00:00:50] Maybe they're traveling around the world or home-steading on an acreage or left the rat race

[00:00:55] and moved to an island for the slow life.

[00:00:57] These are the kind of people who always make you stop and look at yourself a little crooked.

[00:01:03] Holding an iPhone in one hand, a baby in another, putting on yet another show of Diego,

[00:01:08] tossing toast around the breakfast table and talking into your coffee cup about wishes and dreams.

[00:01:14] What's different about them and me?

[00:01:16] It isn't a coincidence in how they're raising their kids.

[00:01:19] It is intentional.

[00:01:21] You could even say, oh, that's Lisa Forge, she's always doing something weird

[00:01:25] like traveling the world in an RV with her family for a fun.

[00:01:29] It's more than that.

[00:01:31] She has Purpose, Passion and Follows Through.

[00:01:34] She's molding her kids with Intention by following the dreams in her heart instead of making

[00:01:39] excuses for reasons not to.

[00:01:41] Which life would little babies?

[00:01:44] That's kind of my jam.

[00:01:45] I'd rather stay at home where there are beds for everyone in snacks and my sweat pant collection

[00:01:50] that's been carefully curated to match my lipstick.

[00:01:53] I've said before, I feel like I'm leaving that bottleneck of the baby stage.

[00:01:57] Really, I'm kind of pushing myself through the door because my youngest isn't even crawling yet.

[00:02:02] It is just time.

[00:02:04] I felt the push to recognize where I'm running on autopilot and make some changes to take

[00:02:09] the wheel.

[00:02:10] This new year, Connor and I were sitting at our table at the end of the night

[00:02:13] and did something we've never done.

[00:02:15] We talked about our own goals and dreams for ourselves individually and our family.

[00:02:20] I've talked about it on my post titled How to Get Started with Intentional Living.

[00:02:25] It's been almost four months and I struggle because I feel like I haven't really put those words

[00:02:30] into much action yet.

[00:02:32] One of our questions was, finish this sentence.

[00:02:35] We want our kids to grow up to be.

[00:02:38] Of course, we want our kids to be the total package and if you ask their grandma, they undoubtedly

[00:02:43] will be.

[00:02:44] We can make this an unrealistically exhaustive list.

[00:02:47] We tried to narrow it down and think of those qualities that have longevity and versatility

[00:02:52] for wherever their lives take them.

[00:02:55] Though maybe the first things out of our mouths were traits that we struggle with or use as a

[00:03:00] crutch to deal with conflict.

[00:03:02] So we have this list of what we think a kick the adult looks like and we overlay it on

[00:03:07] the toddler version of our children.

[00:03:09] It's not an easy fit, of course because you can't put a three-piece suit on a caveman and call

[00:03:15] him down draper unless you're Clinton and Stacey then carry a long makeover of some ones.

[00:03:21] So this is where we're at now.

[00:03:23] How do we get from I hate pants, t-bags and white toothpaste to emotionally intelligent

[00:03:29] productive citizen or whatever traits you deem valuable in adulthood?

[00:03:34] Some things are easier to teach than others but I'm starting with a couple of thoughts.

[00:03:39] One, Lek Lisa Ender husband, making their kids travel companions for a life-changing adventure.

[00:03:44] The best way to teach them is to model it.

[00:03:47] Well, unless we're raising cheesy eating floor sweeping laughing women who randomly break into song,

[00:03:54] let's hope they pick up some more useful traits from their father and the people we surround

[00:03:58] ourselves with.

[00:04:00] Pretty sure this is why Godparents were invented.

[00:04:02] Also pretty sure I should start being more like the qualities we listed instead of spending too

[00:04:07] much time letting Netflix ask me if I'm still watching.

[00:04:10] 2. This is the intentional part.

[00:04:13] This is where I feel most lost with what to do next because what is next is another day of

[00:04:18] practicing it all. This is the training, the daily mindfulness, the reactions we have to them,

[00:04:24] the proactive things we chose to do, our habits and actions, how we treat our spouses,

[00:04:29] ourselves, our friends. Some parents pursue intentional parenting to the point of taking courses,

[00:04:35] following monthly plans and workbooks on how to do this. I say high five to them,

[00:04:40] I'm still struggling with getting the toilet scrubbed and sleeping through the night on the regular.

[00:04:44] I don't feel guilty that I've been on autopilot over these past few years, not totally proud

[00:04:49] of some stages, but the recent years of my life saw lots of breaking down, lots of new growth

[00:04:54] and just drenched in God's grace when I had none. I'm starting to watch my parenting through this

[00:05:00] overlay of words we've assigned as goals. I see times I've been on autopilot to scold a

[00:05:05] toddler or referee a sibling scrap or blurred over the answer to a question they have,

[00:05:11] or even more than that times I did not honor whom my child is at their core. To try to get

[00:05:17] them to react or behave like I would instead of letting them behave the way they are made and

[00:05:22] coached them through the messy bits. Because as the endogram has opened me up to see,

[00:05:27] we've all built a shell of a personality that allows us to navigate through life comfortably.

[00:05:33] My kids don't have this finier yet and I can't give them mine. So, new year, new resolutions,

[00:05:41] it started with turning the TV off more often and I'm ready to make some more changes and

[00:05:45] scramble around to find the next route to more parenting with a game plan. Google tells me this is

[00:05:50] called intentional parenting. A part of me is overwhelmed by getting this list to become lessen.

[00:05:55] The other part of me roles her eyes and tips are coffee. My kids will be fine, I know.

[00:06:01] But like every parent we always want our kids to be more, have more, do more than we were ever able

[00:06:07] to do. You just listen to the post titled Getting Started with Intentional Parenthood by

[00:06:16] Shana Schaefe of SimpleOnPurpose.ca. Big thanks to Shana especially for bringing some humor

[00:06:24] to us on an otherwise ordinary Thursday. Very grateful for her words today. Though it can be

[00:06:29] exhausting to keep up with the constant vigilance surrounding intentional parenting or intentional

[00:06:34] anything, trying such an approach to the best of ones ability ensures that not only are you helping

[00:06:40] your children to the best of your ability but also being connected to them to the best of your ability.

[00:06:46] With intention comes specificity and with specificity comes a bond that really has little to no room

[00:06:52] to be broken. And with that we're going to wrap things up thanks for joining me today and remember

[00:06:57] the importance of modeling the type of behavior you'd like your kids to follow. Don't worry about

[00:07:02] what you didn't college, they don't have to know. You can start modeling now. You heard it here.

[00:07:07] I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.