2320: Lies We Tell Ourselves to Be Liked by James Altucher on How to Be More Authentic

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[00:00:27] Hello, everybody! And welcome to our weekly bonus episode of ORD with me or host Greg Audino.

[00:00:34] Now as per usual, I'm just introducing the article though.

[00:00:37] In our bonus episodes, we share a post that have already been read on other shows in the OLD network,

[00:00:42] But that we think cover a lot of important relationship information on the less

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[00:00:49] So this one aired on our main show where it all began, Optimal Living Daily,

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[00:00:56] Kick back and enjoy this post everyone as we optimize your life.

[00:01:04] Lies we tell ourselves to be liked by James Altature of James Altature.com.

[00:01:11] It is not easy for me to be honest.

[00:01:14] I grew up thinking I had to lie to people to get them to like me.

[00:01:17] I needed to somehow be someone I wasn't in order to burn away in visible scars that I'll sure everyone could see.

[00:01:24] I thought I had to, for instance, get into a good college for people to like me, or be a chess master,

[00:01:32] Or even have straight hair, or get rid of my glasses, or acne.

[00:01:36] We're having a lot of money.

[00:01:38] These were all lies I told myself because I didn't think I could be liked,

[00:01:42] Without these medals shining bright off my shirt.

[00:01:46] Then there were lies I told others.

[00:01:48] I told the first girl I ever went out with that I once stole a lot of money for my parents and lost it,

[00:01:53] Gambling on horses.

[00:01:55] Then her dad came to visit and he heard all about my race track adventures,

[00:01:59] So he said, let's all go to the horse track.

[00:02:02] I never been to the race track before.

[00:02:04] So we went and I had no idea what I was doing,

[00:02:07] And it was pretty clear that I had lied to her.

[00:02:10] Like I did on many occasions before that, and even after that until there was nothing left of us.

[00:02:16] The truth is, I did steal money for my parents, but my spent at all on going to movies and buying comic books and books about chess.

[00:02:25] And I would use the money to skip school and go into New York and hang out in Washington Square Park playing chess with everyone there.

[00:02:32] Not an exciting enough story though to tell a girl who wanted me to confess all sorts of things to show her what an outlaw I was,

[00:02:40] Instead of a Jewish suburban middle class kid.

[00:02:43] Then there's a lie that I told as I went from job to job.

[00:02:46] Skills maybe I had 10% of, but I claimed 100% of a salary that I would enhance by a few thousand so when I got an offer and make a few thousand more.

[00:02:56] Titles I had at all jobs that never even existed.

[00:03:00] Then later I wouldn't tell people I was getting a divorce or losing a home or losing hope.

[00:03:06] Why did I tell the lies to others?

[00:03:09] I never thought I was good enough for anything, and I always wanted more of it.

[00:03:13] If I could just get to the fourth, wrong on the ladder, I'll sure the fifth wrong had my name on it.

[00:03:18] Even though I was sweating, hungry, unhappy, scared,

[00:03:23] I knew if I just reached the fifth wrong, I'd be happy that the prize was waiting for me there.

[00:03:28] So I'd lie to get it.

[00:03:30] Everyone would forgive me then, everyone would pat me on the back and have a big meeting and all say,

[00:03:35] We knew you could do it.

[00:03:37] Girls who had a broken up with me would claim they were only testing me,

[00:03:41] That they were also waiting for this moment.

[00:03:43] They would be side by side with the bosses that fired me, the people who had ignored me,

[00:03:48] All of them together in a big party to celebrate me.

[00:03:52] They would all be happy, laughing and slapping me on the back.

[00:03:56] Well I wouldn't believe it.

[00:03:57] How did they all know each other?

[00:03:59] Here they all were loving me because now I'd finally gotten to the point where I didn't have to lie to them anymore.

[00:04:05] But I never reached that wrong on the ladder, and I never will.

[00:04:10] I fell off the ladder.

[00:04:12] A few months ago I had breakfast with the CEO of a company I once worked for.

[00:04:16] They had fired me and then withheld a bonus payment I desperately needed.

[00:04:21] But they had since changed CEO several times and now is meeting their latest CEO who had reached out to me.

[00:04:26] It was around the time they withheld that payment that I realized nobody out there at all was going to help me.

[00:04:33] Nobody would be fair.

[00:04:35] This wasn't a blame thing nor was it pessimism.

[00:04:38] I just needed to pick myself up and it's my own fault for not dealing with good people,

[00:04:43] For not constantly being creative, for not feeling grateful.

[00:04:48] But in order to be around good people, I also had to be a good person, not an imaginary one.

[00:04:56] I had to feel abundant without lying about it in order to feel abundance hit me.

[00:05:02] Not in a law of attraction way, but just so I could sleep at night.

[00:05:05] It was that simple.

[00:05:07] I had to stop using all the energy in my brain coming up with imaginary futures.

[00:05:12] The brain is too powerful and needs a lot of fuel to keep the lies going.

[00:05:17] Better to use that fuel for being happy and good now than to make up futures and anxieties and regrets.

[00:05:24] The CEO told me, I heard you at a heart attack or a nervous breakdown a few years ago.

[00:05:31] That's what everyone told me.

[00:05:33] I can believe what she said.

[00:05:34] To me, I had just had the most fulfilling and successful few years of my life.

[00:05:39] But to the people who knew me to people looking in from the outside,

[00:05:43] it appeared to be a nervous breakdown as every facade fell away.

[00:05:47] I'd been buried in my lies and now I know longer was.

[00:05:52] Now I told her, I've been healthier than I've ever been.

[00:05:56] She repeated it, everyone insists you had at least a nervous breakdown.

[00:06:01] And maybe I did, but I wasn't nervous, I wasn't broke and I wasn't down anymore.

[00:06:13] You just listened to the post titled, Lies We Tell ourselves to be liked by James Alderture of James Alderture.com.

[00:06:20] And take it to James.

[00:06:22] I thought there was a really great quote in there, he said,

[00:06:25] In order to be around good people, I also had to be a good person, not an imaginary one.

[00:06:33] As we get older and become more picky about who we surround ourselves with,

[00:06:37] I think it becomes more obvious to us who is not a good person or is faking being a good person.

[00:06:44] And those are the people that we end up avoiding or spending less time with.

[00:06:48] I think it's easier to read people as we get older, whereas when we're younger,

[00:06:52] it's common to end up being friends with whoever is in the same class as us or lives on the same street.

[00:06:58] But again, as we get older, we have more choices about who we truly want in our circle

[00:07:04] and the only way to be friends with truly good people is to be the best we can be as well

[00:07:10] so that both parties benefit from the relationship.

[00:07:13] No one's perfect, but that's why we're here, hopefully, to work on ourselves and become better people one day at a time.

[00:07:20] So thank you for being here and working on that with me.

[00:07:23] Thank yourself for being here as well.

[00:07:25] Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow, where you're off to my life.

[00:07:29] I'll wait.