2324: Not Willing to Settle in Your Love Life? AND How to Tell if a Guy has True Soulmate Potential by Dr. Diana Kirschner

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Not Willing to Settle in Your Love Life AND How To Tell If A Guy Has True Soulmate Potential, Both By Dr. Diana Kirschner of LoveIn90days.com

[00:00:14] Hello everybody, Happy Middle of the week, I am Greg Audino and welcome to the show where I narrate some of the best relationship blogs we can find.

[00:00:22] You picked a good day to be here because it's a two-for-day as I will be narrating two posts from Dr. Kirschner.

[00:00:28] It's especially useful for those of you who are questioning your dating experiences and the qualities of your partner. So listen up.

[00:00:35] Let's learn more from Dr. Kirschner's expert perspective right now and start optimizing your life.

[00:00:45] Not Willing to Settle in Your Love Life by Dr. Diana Kirschner of LoveIn90days.com

[00:00:52] Are you not willing to settle in your love life? Does it seem like there are no good ones out there?

[00:00:58] Do you find yourself dating men and then backing out of seeing them because of various defects?

[00:01:03] This guy is too cynical. That one has bad teeth. The other anxiously spilled his espresso

[00:01:07] Machiado Grande all over his shirt. If you're honest, pretty much every guy who is expressed an

[00:01:13] interest in you has had something wrong with him. But you keep reminding yourself that you're not willing to settle.

[00:01:19] Sound familiar? If so, you're not alone. Countless women struggle with this, not perfect

[00:01:26] Alps past deadly dating pattern. It's one of the most common and most self-sabotaging

[00:01:31] dead end patterns that I described in my book, Love In 90 Days. The Not Perfect IELPASS

[00:01:38] Dead End Dating Pattern. As Lori Gottlieb describes in her excellent book,

[00:01:43] Mary-Him, the case for Settleing For Mr. Good Enough, women can be picky, picky when it comes to

[00:01:49] their suitors. They practice what I call the laws of repulsion, sitting on their high horses and

[00:01:55] judging the man's physical qualities or behavioral traits. This guy is too punchy, too bald, too old,

[00:02:01] too young, or even too good looking. That one has hands that are just too small.

[00:02:06] Other dealbreakers? Bad taste and music. A cheesy sense of humor. Loves me too much.

[00:02:12] Or is too predictable. One perfectly intelligent, accomplished single-for-a-long time gal

[00:02:18] recently told me that she could just tell by hearing a guy's name that he was wrong for her,

[00:02:23] and it was not some bizarre moniker. The negative judgment spewing from this self-sabotaging belief

[00:02:29] are usually based on superficial traits. You become an expert in getting rid of all those defective

[00:02:35] bad guys who could never be the one. You tell yourself it's because you're not willing to settle.

[00:02:41] But guess what? These complaints, including the typical ones that I've listed above,

[00:02:45] have nothing to do with the qualities that make for a partner who can provide lasting love and

[00:02:50] happiness. Study after study has shown that the most important variables leading to happy relationships

[00:02:56] and marriages are a guys, and you're character virtues, especially empathy, concern for others,

[00:03:03] and willingness to grow. So not only did you ditch the bad ones, but you threw out the good ones,

[00:03:09] the great ones, and all the in-between ones, too. Curious what's behind the self-sabotaging,

[00:03:14] dead-end dating pattern of not being willing to settle? You may have trouble hearing this,

[00:03:19] but bear with me. You unconsciously project your own feelings of inadequacy onto each guy you meet or

[00:03:26] date. The flaw in them becomes blinding, completely and totally turning you off. You run,

[00:03:32] and your reactions are nothing more than defensive maneuver is designed to guard against being rejected

[00:03:37] yourself. Then you wonder why there are no good guys out there. I know, I know this last part is

[00:03:43] not really you. Not willing to settle. Research shows it is contempt that kills off the possibility of love.

[00:03:52] Instead of being nitpicky and acting out of these laws of repulsion,

[00:03:55] it is important that you change your perception. Yes, you change. Notice what is really at the

[00:04:02] guys core in terms of his values and character. If you don't, your relationship killer belief in

[00:04:08] the attitudes associated with it set up a whole host of negative vibes, as well as a masculating

[00:04:13] and cold, you behavior that has men heading for the hills. Trust me, most great men who are

[00:04:19] looking for a long-term relationship don't want that. What they really want is warmth.

[00:04:25] If you have the not being willing to settle dating pattern, you could have already thrown away

[00:04:30] perfectly great guys. Anyone of whom would have brought you happiness. So here's my challenge to you.

[00:04:37] Commit to giving the guys who express an interest in you a real chance. So the next time you find

[00:04:42] yourself thinking, I'm not willing to settle. And then getting turned off by something small,

[00:04:48] try a better way. Focus instead on something you like about the guy, especially if he is willing

[00:04:54] to grow as a person. If you spark chemistry with him, he could be a better and better match for

[00:04:59] you over time. Remember, love often comes in a surprise package. How to tell if a guy has true

[00:05:09] soulmate potential, also by Dr. Diana Kirchner of love in 90 days.com.

[00:05:17] Do you wonder if he has true soulmate potential? You meet a guy who checks all the boxes on

[00:05:22] your dream husband list. He's smart, successful, in shape, owns a beautiful town home,

[00:05:28] and spends his free time traveling to exotic places. On the first date, he takes you to a nice

[00:05:33] restaurant overlooking the water. Somewhere in between his story of closing that difficult

[00:05:38] business deal and telling you about his funny labored or retriever, you become totally smitten.

[00:05:43] Your certain he has soulmate potential. You spend the next week day dreaming about your perfect

[00:05:48] future together. Until things take a turn for the worse, and he turns out to be a total jerk who

[00:05:54] is controlling with money and seems to only care about himself. Heartbroken, you wonder how you missed

[00:06:01] all the red flags. Don't beat yourself up. It's natural to get excited when you meet someone

[00:06:06] with major potential. But when it comes to dating, moderation is key. And the most powerful way

[00:06:12] to achieve moderation is to casually date a couple of guys at the same time without having

[00:06:17] kissing in some canoodling is okay, with any of them. Approaching dating this way enables you

[00:06:23] to take things slow and find men who will really stay the course. And it gives you time to assess

[00:06:28] whether a guy is truly right for you. During these early stages of dating someone, I recommend

[00:06:34] you ask yourself the follow-in questions to see if they have true soulmate potential. These will

[00:06:39] help you quickly weed out the dud so you can focus on the guys who have it going on,

[00:06:44] the ones who have long-term potential. Key things to notice to determine soulmate potential

[00:06:50] is he quick to pick up the check after a date? Is he empowered in his life? Does he envision

[00:06:56] what he wants and then go for it? Is he learning and growing as a person and in his career?

[00:07:02] Do you feel you can be yourself with him? Does he show signs that he thinks marriage is a great

[00:07:07] or at least a good thing? Does he treat weight staff well? Is he consider it thoughtful and

[00:07:13] loving towards people? Does he come from a family where there were role models of loving marriages?

[00:07:19] Do you feel good about yourself with him? Does he compliment you and ask you thoughtful questions

[00:07:24] about yourself in life? Is he supportive of your success? Is he mostly positive when talking

[00:07:30] about previous relationships? The more yes soulmate signs, the more likely he has real soulmate

[00:07:36] potential and can keep up with a successful smart woman like you. Only then should you think

[00:07:41] about being exclusive with him? In the meantime, take the soulmate quiz while you're pondering

[00:07:46] your next move. Remember you deserve a great guy who is not only an equal but also treats you

[00:07:51] like the amazing catch that you are. The more quickly you let go of the dud, the sooner you'll meet

[00:07:56] the one. You just listen to the posts, plural, titled? Not willing to settle in your love life

[00:08:06] and how to tell if a guy has true soulmate potential. Both by Dr. Diana Kirchner of LoveIn90Dase.com

[00:08:15] And now it is time to wrap up today's episode ladies and gents. Thank you so much for listening

[00:08:21] and I will see you back here tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.