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Episode 2329:
Shawna Scafe shares the roller-coaster of emotions and lessons learned after having two children back-to-back. From realizing the ease of one child to discovering her own resilience, she emphasizes how parenting a second child challenged her beliefs, improved her time management, and ultimately deepened her capacity for love and patience.
Read along with the original article(s) here: https://simpleonpurpose.ca/why-i-needed-two-kids-asap/
Quotes to ponder:
"I needed to realize that having one wasn’t as hard as I was making it out to be."
"The beautiful thing about being a mom is that every day you are drained of everything: time, patience, energy, love. But every day there is more."
"When you find out you are having another baby you will wonder if you have enough. Enough love, enough patience, enough energy, enough time."
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[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships and more.
[00:00:10] So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now onto the show.
[00:00:18] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Why I Needed Two Kids ASAP by Shawna Scafe of SimpleOnPurpose.ca.
[00:00:26] Hello, everybody! I am your host, Greg Audino and welcome back to Optimal Relationships Daily.
[00:00:33] Let's hear about what our friend Shawna has learned from bringing up kids that are close in age and start optimizing your life.
[00:00:44] Why I Needed Two Kids ASAP by Shawna Scafe of SimpleOnPurpose.ca.
[00:00:51] My son, my first born, came into this world with a glisten in his eye. I'm sure of it.
[00:00:57] For first time parents, he was a little charibum full of smiles that we naively took his validation that we were nailing this mom and dad business.
[00:01:06] Then when he was seven months, I became pregnant with another.
[00:01:09] No, we didn't plan it. Yes, we know how babies are made.
[00:01:13] It took five positive tests for my husband to move from shock to acceptance.
[00:01:18] Then we quickly dove into excitement mode that we would be growing our family and thought we were so clever for getting it over with.
[00:01:25] My daughter was a high maintenance gal who quickly showed us to space and decibel level where she would maintain in our home in hearts.
[00:01:33] She was tough, having two toddlers was tough, but I needed it.
[00:01:38] Number one, I thought one was hard.
[00:01:41] I needed to realize that having one wasn't as hard as I was making it out to be.
[00:01:45] I needed to learn I was hiding behind the, but I can't, I have a kid excuse when there was something I didn't feel like doing.
[00:01:51] Because once you have two, you realize that having one kid is easy.
[00:01:56] It's like having a little buddy with you everywhere you go even if that little buddy sometimes acts like a feral goat.
[00:02:02] Then you have two and these two goats become heard with caveman-like tendencies.
[00:02:07] When you have one kid, you call it parenting.
[00:02:10] After having two, anytime you get with just one kid is called a date.
[00:02:15] Number two, time to stop babying them.
[00:02:17] Having a second so soon made me realize I was still in baby mode with my first.
[00:02:23] Granted, he was only 16 months when his sister showed up, but having her made me put a little more expectation and responsibility on him.
[00:02:31] Something he was ready for and adapted to.
[00:02:33] Something I wouldn't have done so readily without this push.
[00:02:38] Number three, some healthy neglect of my camera mostly.
[00:02:41] They say each progressive child is slightly more neglected.
[00:02:46] I like to call it becoming independent, and their milestones pass with less fanfare.
[00:02:51] This is a saying for a reason.
[00:02:53] When I go through old videos of my son, I realize I painfully documented every roll over attempt, every new food he tried, every outing he ever had.
[00:03:03] My daughter's digital history is a much more digestible highlight reel of the major points.
[00:03:07] I don't think any first time mom realizes how enamored and engulfing that baby can be.
[00:03:13] My second child taught me it is better to prioritize and make room for the special things, so that there is room left over for me as a woman, not a mom, and free up some space on my hard drive too.
[00:03:25] Number four, we had more to learn.
[00:03:28] When you have an adaptable and happy baby, people may comments, they're always so happy.
[00:03:33] Why are they so happy?
[00:03:34] Is there something you give them to make them this happy?
[00:03:36] This isn't normal. Tell me what you're doing.
[00:03:39] Eventually, you will walk around with this assumption that you know what you're doing.
[00:03:44] This will also be the exact moment that you are most likely not to know what you are doing.
[00:03:50] When a second baby comes along, you will assume it will be like the first.
[00:03:54] Instead, you might get a baby who always cries, turns your life upside down, and makes you question everything you know.
[00:04:00] I will say that the first year of my daughter's life was the hardest year of mine.
[00:04:04] I was humbled, broken down, and rebuilt.
[00:04:08] Now that the dust has settled, I will say without a doubt that I am forever grateful for that year.
[00:04:13] It was a crash course in facing the realities about myself, my marriage, my parenting, my beliefs, and gluten free foods.
[00:04:21] Number five, I could do it.
[00:04:24] I had this horrible reaction of saying no to everything.
[00:04:27] Like most moms, I am the gatekeeper of schedules, plans, meals, appointments, and chores.
[00:04:32] I felt so overwhelmed with two toddlers that I became overreliant on my husband to save me whenever he was home.
[00:04:40] The real reason was I didn't believe I could do it, at least not without losing myself, and I wasn't willing to give this up yet.
[00:04:47] There comes a point though when you realize you are capable, that even when you give yourself fully into motherhood, you can still find yourself at the end of the day.
[00:04:56] Number six, there's always more.
[00:04:58] When you find out you're having another baby, you will wonder if you have enough, enough love, enough patience, enough energy, enough time.
[00:05:09] Aside from watching the special sibling love between your children fill their hearts, you will find out your own heart will always have enough.
[00:05:16] The beautiful thing about being a mom is that every day you are drained of everything, time, patience, energy, love.
[00:05:24] But every day, there's more. They are the harvest of your heart which always has enough. Stay tuned for a post a year from now titled Why I Needed Three Kids Under Four, or when they say stop it to, they might be right.
[00:05:43] You just listen to the post-thuddled Why I Needed Two Kids A-SAP by ShanaSkave of Simple on Purpose.ca.
[00:05:51] And thank you so much to Shana for giving us insight into the world of parenting yet again. It's pretty rare to hear a perspective specific to a parent who had children back to back.
[00:06:01] So I like this unique perspective and I'm sure it will help anyone who is either hoping to be a parent, or maybe feeling a little nervous about having a second child.
[00:06:10] In a way that's more informed than general parenting advice.
[00:06:12] We're gonna end on that note friends. Thank you so much for listening. Have a wonderful rest of your day and be sure to tune in tomorrow where you're optimal life awaits.