2331: Lessons Learned in Love by Karen Stanley on Finding the Right Partner & Modern Dating

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Lessons Learned in Love by Karen Stanley of Mrs. Karen Stanley.com

[00:00:08] Hello everybody, welcome back to another episode of Optimal Relationships Daily hosted by me, Greg Audino, the man who seeks to provide you with all the information you need to make the most of each relationship in your life

[00:00:20] Now, we all know that love, whether it goes well or goes south, is a powerful feeling, a powerful experience that inevitably leads us with a lot of life lessons

[00:00:30] To elaborate on those lessons today as they post from Karen Stanley, so would you say we take a look at some of these lessons, explore them deeper and start optimizing your life?

[00:00:44] Lessons Learned in Love by Karen Stanley of Mrs. Karen Stanley.com

[00:00:50] When I wasn't focused on what lessons I had learned, I was focused on how and what I needed to do to be lovable

[00:00:57] This type of thinking led to a lot of suffering and a lot of wasted time in energy

[00:01:02] Do you know that it takes the same amount of energy to think about why something didn't go your way as it does to think about what you learned?

[00:01:09] Guess which one feels better

[00:01:10] Before I found my soulmate using my strategy for finding real love, I used to focus on the things I didn't understand

[00:01:18] Focusing on why someone did what they did, or why they didn't do something I wanted them to do

[00:01:23] I didn't understand why someone I dated didn't call back when I was thinking we had such a good time

[00:01:28] I didn't understand why someone didn't do what he said he was going to do whatever it was

[00:01:33] Send a picture, schedule the next date, call, text, whatever

[00:01:37] Me being the constant learner, seeker, researcher, capricorn, type A control freak

[00:01:42] I just wanted to know why, or as Dan Cook would say, I wanted divorce

[00:01:47] This type of thinking wasn't working out for me at all

[00:01:51] If someone doesn't love you, they were only meant to teach you something

[00:01:55] One night when I was on a business trip, I had dinner by myself and three glasses of wine

[00:02:01] I went up to my room and sent a drunk text to an ex

[00:02:04] And by ex, I used the term loosely

[00:02:06] We weren't really that serious

[00:02:08] But we had fun together via several dates over several weeks

[00:02:11] Since we had parted ways, I had already gone out with someone else

[00:02:15] But because I wasn't focused on the lessons and because I was focusing on the past six months later

[00:02:21] And three glasses of wine later

[00:02:23] It bothered me how he had just seemingly dropped off the face of the earth

[00:02:26] Now the last time I had talked to him, he was getting ready for a party

[00:02:30] And asked me about the type of belt he should wear

[00:02:33] He made a joke about his image being at stake

[00:02:35] And even though it was a joke, I said, your image isn't important

[00:02:39] To which he replied, image is everything

[00:02:42] A really lame

[00:02:44] He was probably joking

[00:02:46] But then again, he was never serious

[00:02:48] Which was part of what made him super fun

[00:02:51] And definitely not husband material

[00:02:53] Nonetheless, six months later

[00:02:55] I found myself drunk texting him and asking what happened

[00:02:58] Why did you just drop off the face of the earth?

[00:03:01] No, I didn't want to date him

[00:03:03] I just wanted to know what could possibly make someone just never talk to someone else again

[00:03:08] Which, by the way, is exactly what I had done many times

[00:03:11] I would just ignore guys until they stopped reaching out like attracts like ladies

[00:03:16] Surprisingly, he responded to my drunk text

[00:03:19] He replied, hi

[00:03:21] Because that's what I always do

[00:03:23] Oh, M G

[00:03:26] All I could think was

[00:03:28] Thank you, God, someone finally told the truth

[00:03:32] In this moment, I realized that the answer itself wasn't important

[00:03:36] People just do what they do

[00:03:38] And it doesn't matter why anyone does what they do

[00:03:41] It only matters that you learn from them

[00:03:44] Whatever it is you learn from the experience of knowing them

[00:03:47] For however long or short a period of time that might be

[00:03:50] Fast forward a few years to when my new obsession and main focus was to be awesome

[00:03:55] AKA the best version of myself

[00:03:57] Into attract someone just as awesome

[00:04:00] AKA my soulmate

[00:04:01] And I realized that every person I had dated who didn't love me

[00:04:05] Had taught me something extremely valuable

[00:04:08] I wrote down a huge list of lessons

[00:04:10] And as I wrote down each lesson, I felt gratitude for learning that lesson

[00:04:15] For every lesson on the list

[00:04:17] I thanked God for putting the person in my life

[00:04:19] So that I could learn that lesson

[00:04:21] Then I updated my soulmate list using each of those exact lessons

[00:04:26] Because all of them put together showed me exactly what I did

[00:04:30] Want in a relationship

[00:04:31] Drunk text guy taught me that what I wanted was someone fun and funny and childlike

[00:04:36] And I wanted someone to tell me the truth

[00:04:39] And I wanted a husband who was serious and would engage in intelligent conversation

[00:04:43] So that we could push each other to grow

[00:04:46] Thank God for putting each person from your past and to your life

[00:04:49] So you could learn that lesson

[00:04:52] Focusing on the lessons you have learned is a powerful way to stay grateful

[00:04:55] And stay in the present

[00:04:57] Stay happy

[00:04:58] Moving the right direction of what you want to accomplish

[00:05:01] If you look back and ask why something happened

[00:05:04] Or spend too much time trying to understand why someone did something

[00:05:07] Or didn't do something

[00:05:08] It only takes you backward in the wrong direction from what you want

[00:05:12] And going in the wrong direction causes pain and suffering

[00:05:16] It's literally a pain in your neck to look backward

[00:05:19] What lessons in love have you learned?

[00:05:22] We don't always know what we want in the spouse until we meet someone who demonstrates it

[00:05:26] Or the opposite, either way works

[00:05:28] Everyone who comes into our lives is a teacher

[00:05:31] When I started writing down the list of lessons I had learned

[00:05:35] And felt gratitude for learning them

[00:05:37] I remembered that I was a student of life

[00:05:40] You have to live to learn

[00:05:42] You have to date to learn

[00:05:44] So every date is a gift

[00:05:46] Doesn't matter if you like each other

[00:05:48] It doesn't matter if you hate each other

[00:05:49] It doesn't matter if he doesn't show up or doesn't pay the bill

[00:05:52] Or never calls you again

[00:05:53] There are no accidents

[00:05:55] I believe God puts people in front of us as specific moments in our lives

[00:06:00] To teach us something

[00:06:01] Because we are ready for that lesson

[00:06:03] So pay attention

[00:06:04] If you don't catch on you'll keep attracting the same type of person

[00:06:08] And reliving the same lesson until you learn it

[00:06:15] You just listen to the post titled

[00:06:17] Lessons Learned in Love

[00:06:18] By Karen Stanley

[00:06:20] Of Mrs. Karen Stanley.com

[00:06:23] And thank you so much to Karen for letting us read this wonderful post today

[00:06:27] With respect to the title of the article

[00:06:29] Lessons I learned in Love

[00:06:31] The important lesson of learning from everything

[00:06:33] Spans across the whole board of life

[00:06:36] Intends to be conveniently forgotten about the harder things are

[00:06:40] You may have heard it before

[00:06:41] But honing the ability to constantly seek lessons is invaluable

[00:06:46] And becomes more of an instinct

[00:06:48] The more you try it

[00:06:49] So like anything else

[00:06:51] Start slow

[00:06:51] If there's something troubling you right now

[00:06:54] That you're struggling to see the positive in

[00:06:56] Don't rush into flipping it over before you're ready to

[00:06:59] But maybe try considering

[00:07:00] One lesson you're garnering from it

[00:07:03] Even if that lesson is just resilience in the face of hard times

[00:07:06] There's always something

[00:07:07] And with the negativity bias we're all so lucky to be endowed with

[00:07:11] Getting to a point where we can see or to narrowly troubling events

[00:07:15] Even as neutral is a really significant milestone

[00:07:18] And on that note we are going to wrap things up for today

[00:07:21] Thank you so much for being with me until the end today folks

[00:07:24] And as always for supporting the show

[00:07:26] We do love to do this show and it wouldn't be possible without you

[00:07:30] I'm hoping you all have a wonderful rest of your day

[00:07:32] And that you think about what lessons you might be learning without knowing it

[00:07:35] So come on back here tomorrow for the Wednesday show to join me again

[00:07:39] Learn some more and where you're optimal life awaits