2341: How Can We Find Hope When Our Children Are Suffering? by Allison Carmen on Parenting Advice

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[00:00:53] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. How can we find hope when our children are suffering? By Alison Carmen of AlisonCarmen.com.

[00:01:03] Hello everybody, I am your host Greg Audino and welcome back to the show that helps you to improve your relationships.

[00:01:10] When I say relationships, I am talking dating, I'm talking marriage, and we've even got parenting posts at the end of each week.

[00:01:17] That's what we've got going on today. So, let's give it a listen and start optimizing your life.

[00:01:27] How can we find hope when our children are suffering? By Alison Carmen of AlisonCarmen.com.

[00:01:35] I wrote this post last year right before the school year started.

[00:01:39] My daughter was recovering from a concussion, and the idea of maybe had been a refuge for me dealing with her recovery.

[00:01:46] As all of our children are returning to school, we may be managing our children's learning issues,

[00:01:52] social anxieties, or physical ailments that are short-term or chronic.

[00:01:57] This post reminds me how facing our children's struggles with the idea of maybe helps us find hope in uncertainty

[00:02:04] and gives us more resilience to remain present and strong for their life journey.

[00:02:09] I hope it's helpful.

[00:02:10] Like most people, the key to my emotional suffering is my attachment to what I desire for my life.

[00:02:16] In the past, if the outcome to a situation wasn't clear, I became negative and worried that the worst-case scenario was on its way.

[00:02:25] As many of you know, I finally found relief from much of my pain by embracing the philosophy of maybe.

[00:02:32] Like a burst of sunlight, I realized that life could unfold many ways, and maybe whatever I desired would come to fruition.

[00:02:41] Maybe something else good would happen, or maybe I would be okay no matter what.

[00:02:47] This turn of thought brought me ease and enabled me to live in the present moment.

[00:02:52] I was able to let go of my attachment to things happening one way,

[00:02:56] and found myself opening up to the entire playing field of life.

[00:03:01] However, I still struggled and suffered with uncertainty in one area of life, parenting.

[00:03:08] I am attached to my children.

[00:03:11] My desire for my children to be well, happy, and peaceful will not waver.

[00:03:15] I felt the strength of this commitment especially seven weeks ago,

[00:03:19] when my oldest daughter sustained a head injury.

[00:03:22] I couldn't stand her pain and suffering, and would have gladly taken it from her and upon myself.

[00:03:28] But of course I couldn't.

[00:03:29] My desire for her to recover was so deep, it predominated over all other thoughts.

[00:03:35] As her healing required rest, I felt her disappointment at having to quit her summer job.

[00:03:41] My heart sank as she worried whether her memory would fully return,

[00:03:45] and as she struggled to read because her eyes would not stay on the page.

[00:03:49] There was no detachment from my heart, and every minute she suffered, I suffered too.

[00:03:54] I remember thinking to myself,

[00:03:57] where is maybe now when I am so entrenched in pain and worry?

[00:04:01] Then a quote that I read a few weeks earlier came to mind.

[00:04:05] It was,

[00:04:06] Uncertainty is the refuge of hope, by Henry Frederick Emiel.

[00:04:10] And in that moment, some of my pain went away.

[00:04:14] I felt some space in my breath, and remembered the unknown is my friend.

[00:04:19] I always believed that my daughter would heal,

[00:04:23] but my worry was so dense at times that I couldn't feel hope.

[00:04:27] This quote and the connection between maybe and uncertainty fed my spirit with more space for

[00:04:34] all of the possibilities.

[00:04:35] Maybe her healing would take some time, and that was okay.

[00:04:40] Maybe she would need therapy to heal.

[00:04:42] And maybe we would spend more time together as a family during her recovery.

[00:04:47] I found the courage to find the hope in the uncertainty that had proved so hard for me to handle.

[00:04:53] With maybe, I was able to hold my attachment to the future less tightly and with more ease and grace.

[00:05:00] I was able to accept where my daughter was in the healing process,

[00:05:05] and saw that over time, life would change,

[00:05:08] and there was hope for new beginnings and new opportunities for her.

[00:05:12] Now, seven weeks after her injury, my daughter started her first day of high school.

[00:05:17] Some symptoms remain, but she is expected to make a full recovery.

[00:05:22] I feel so grateful and blessed in this moment, and hopeful for her future.

[00:05:27] I realize that my emotional hook to my children's well-being

[00:05:31] is a tricky place in my search for joy and peace in life.

[00:05:34] Yet at least with maybe, I can hold it in a wider place

[00:05:38] where there is more room for change, hope, and possibility

[00:05:41] through the daily challenges of parenting.

[00:05:44] We all have tough moments in parenting.

[00:05:47] Every parent would take all the pain and disappointment from their children

[00:05:50] in a minute as their own.

[00:05:52] Unfortunately, as much as we feel their pain with them,

[00:05:55] we can't take it from them.

[00:05:57] But when we realize that most of these painful moments

[00:06:01] still offer each of us the hope that maybe everything will be okay,

[00:06:06] our suffering lessens.

[00:06:08] With maybe, more air enters into the room

[00:06:11] to help us breathe and get through the challenging times.

[00:06:14] It gives a more grounded perspective for us and our children for moving forward.

[00:06:19] My heart opens up to every parent trying to do the best today for their child.

[00:06:23] I hope maybe can ease your pain

[00:06:26] and help you remember that life will keep changing,

[00:06:29] and so much is possible for each of our children.

[00:06:36] You just listened to the post titled,

[00:06:38] How Can We Find Hope When Our Children Are Suffering?

[00:06:41] by Alison Carman of alisoncarman.com

[00:06:45] Thanks to Alison for letting us share this profound story.

[00:06:49] This philosophy of maybe strikes me as being maybe a little bit,

[00:06:53] maybe again,

[00:06:55] strikes me as being maybe a little bit too woo-woo for people, if you will.

[00:06:59] But, as someone who's often suspicious of that kind of stuff myself,

[00:07:04] I want to reassure everyone how much truth there actually is in this.

[00:07:09] Finding hopeful maybes in what looks to be a long road in recovery for your daughter

[00:07:14] is not blind optimism.

[00:07:16] It's simply acknowledging potential realities, of which there are countless.

[00:07:20] Anyone seeking to be realistic about the way life is

[00:07:23] is doing themselves a disservice if they aren't contemplating the positive as well as the negative.

[00:07:29] So, thanks to you all devoted listeners for making it this far and joining me today.

[00:07:33] I will see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.

[00:07:37] Thanks.