2342: 7 Things All Highly Sensitive Children Need to Hear by Melissa Noel Renzi with Highly Sensitive Refuge on Parenting

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[00:00:25] This is Optimal Relationships Daily 7 Things All Highly Sensitive Children Need to Hear by Melissa Noel Renzi with HighlySensitiveRefuge.com

[00:00:38] Hello everybody and welcome back. I am your host Greg Audino and I am here narrating relationship content to optimize the many relationships in your life.

[00:00:47] Before we get to the post, just a quick reminder that you can receive tips from us on how to optimize your life through our weekly newsletter. Sign up at oldpodcast.com, that is oldpodcast.com.

[00:01:01] Back to ORD though, we are going to get into Melissa's post right now and we are going to start optimizing your life.

[00:01:11] 7 Things All Highly Sensitive Children Need to Hear by Melissa Noel Renzi with HighlySensitiveRefuge.com

[00:01:21] As a child, I remember my eyes burning under the fluorescent lights in school. The constricting feeling of jeans filled me with panic, so I wore leggings until I was a teen. Maybe I became a yoga teacher just so I could wear leggings instead of business attire.

[00:01:37] As an adult, I still complain about seams in my underwear and I even wrote a song about it.

[00:01:43] I know what it's like to feel profound empathy toward complete strangers as well as intense emotional overwhelm about global injustices I read about online.

[00:01:52] As I sit here writing this post, I'm processing so much in this active mind of mine that it's hard to write coherent thoughts.

[00:02:00] I used to feel like there was something wrong with me.

[00:02:03] Now I know that what I just described is all simply related to the gift of high sensitivity, even if it doesn't always feel that way.

[00:02:12] Highly sensitive people, HSPs, are the 20% of the population who feel and process things deeply, from sights to sounds to emotional cues.

[00:02:23] We read people well, notice details that others miss, and are extremely perceptive.

[00:02:29] But we also get easily overloaded and overwhelmed.

[00:02:32] It took me until my 30s to see my sensitivity as a strength.

[00:02:36] Today, I lead retreats for highly sensitive people and introverts in order to build a sense of belonging among those of us who feel like outsiders due to our unique traits.

[00:02:46] Many attendees tell me they leave these retreats with a renewed sense of purpose and hope.

[00:02:51] As a child, my sensitivity was not understood by the adults in my life.

[00:02:56] I was too emotional and needed to toughen up.

[00:03:00] That's why I'm writing this post.

[00:03:02] We need to encourage our children to love their sensitivity from a young age.

[00:03:07] Here are seven things we should communicate to our sensitive children.

[00:03:11] What highly sensitive children need to hear?

[00:03:14] Number one.

[00:03:16] All of your emotions are acceptable.

[00:03:19] At some point in our lives, most of us have been told not to cry.

[00:03:23] While tears may be gaining an iota of societal respect, emotions such as anger, anxiety, and hurt continue to be judged as unhealthy.

[00:03:32] Highly sensitive children, HSCs, are wired to fully experience the entire spectrum of human emotion.

[00:03:39] When we give HSCs permission to experience their emotions without being told they're bad, they benefit in a powerful way.

[00:03:48] Then, we can teach them tools to transform an emotion such as anger into creative fuel to do something constructive.

[00:03:55] Number two.

[00:03:57] It's healthy to experience emotion about injustice.

[00:04:00] As a young child, I got extremely emotional whenever I saw or even heard about bullying or racism.

[00:04:07] As I got older, political conversations about injustice easily landed me in tears.

[00:04:13] But I was told I was overreacting and needed to let it go.

[00:04:17] Unfortunately, a common experience for many HSCs.

[00:04:20] At an early age, HSCs need to hear that it's okay to get upset when they see others experiencing pain.

[00:04:27] This is a compassionate response, not an overreaction.

[00:04:31] Rather than dismissing their experiences, we need to acknowledge the hurt.

[00:04:36] When the time is right, help your child take meaningful action, such as starting a fundraiser,

[00:04:42] speaking out, or making a donation to a charitable organization that fights for the cause.

[00:04:46] Number three.

[00:04:48] Let others know when you need alone time.

[00:04:51] Highly sensitive adults aren't the only ones who need alone time.

[00:04:55] I recently saw a video of a little girl pouting and stating that she

[00:04:58] just wants to chill in nature away from people.

[00:05:02] It made me laugh, but really, I feel her pain.

[00:05:05] She's probably a highly sensitive person, an introvert, or both.

[00:05:10] HSCs, whether they are introverts or extroverts,

[00:05:13] will need alone time after stimulating activities like attending birthday parties or playdates.

[00:05:18] Even just a normal day at school, with all its noise, activity, and socializing,

[00:05:24] can be fatiguing and overwhelming for them.

[00:05:26] Let's teach HSCs to ask for alone time proactively.

[00:05:31] That way, it won't come in the form of a meltdown later.

[00:05:35] Number four.

[00:05:36] Listen to your body.

[00:05:38] HSPs are highly intuitive and can naturally sense subtleties.

[00:05:42] Unfortunately, our conditioning moves us away from listening to what our bodies intuitively tell us,

[00:05:48] so we may lose this connection as we get older.

[00:05:51] That's why we should teach sensitive children to notice how their body feels,

[00:05:56] for example, when they eat a certain food or hang out with a certain friend.

[00:06:00] Similarly, when they are overwhelmed,

[00:06:02] we can teach them to find a place in their body that feels calm,

[00:06:06] like a finger or a toe.

[00:06:07] This is a powerful grounding skill HSCs can use to regulate their body's responses.

[00:06:13] Number five.

[00:06:15] It's okay to say no.

[00:06:17] Children are accustomed to hearing the word no,

[00:06:20] but they usually don't get permission to use it themselves.

[00:06:24] Obviously, it's up to parents to set their own boundaries for when no is acceptable.

[00:06:28] But consider asking if your child wants to go to Henry's birthday party before simply sending the RSVP.

[00:06:36] Certainly, no is a delicate balancing act with children,

[00:06:39] but if encouraged mindfully, it can be an important step in learning healthy boundaries.

[00:06:45] Number six.

[00:06:46] Take all the time you need to process.

[00:06:49] Just like adult HSPs,

[00:06:51] For example,

[00:06:51] HSCs may require extra time to process information.

[00:06:55] According to Dr. Elaine Aron in The Highly Sensitive Person,

[00:07:00] one of the four characteristics of all highly sensitive people is depth of processing.

[00:07:06] This means that when HSCs receive information,

[00:07:10] they think about it deeply,

[00:07:11] analyzing the issue from many different angles

[00:07:13] and connecting it to a larger picture.

[00:07:16] Depth of processing can make life rich and meaningful for HSPs,

[00:07:21] but it also slows us down.

[00:07:23] Simply being patient and allowing your child extra time to process

[00:07:27] honors this special gift.

[00:07:29] Number seven.

[00:07:30] The world needs special people like you.

[00:07:34] There's no question that our world needs more empathy,

[00:07:37] listening, and understanding.

[00:07:38] Sensitive children can also be extremely analytical and creative.

[00:07:42] Let's show them,

[00:07:43] through our words and actions,

[00:07:45] that even though the world is challenging at times,

[00:07:48] their sensitivity is a gift.

[00:07:50] That can help others in countless ways.

[00:07:57] You just listened to the post titled,

[00:07:59] Seven Things All Highly Sensitive Children Need to Hear,

[00:08:03] by Melissa Noel Renzi,

[00:08:05] with HighlySensitiveRefuge.com.

[00:08:09] And today's author, Melissa, is a guest author.

[00:08:11] She's a social worker and trauma-informed yoga teacher

[00:08:14] who helps sensitive souls to cultivate lasting self-love.

[00:08:17] And people like Melissa are important to listen to,

[00:08:20] because yes, it can be easy to tell people to toughen up,

[00:08:24] both to stop hearing their complaining,

[00:08:26] and for the sake of helping them prepare better for life's hardships.

[00:08:29] But each person has their own metric for struggle.

[00:08:32] You know, we all have different levels of sensitivity

[00:08:35] to different things for different reasons.

[00:08:38] And being intolerant or impatient with someone's struggle,

[00:08:41] it really isn't helping anyone.

[00:08:43] If anything, it prevents us from learning more about people.

[00:08:46] So, do continue to check out Melissa and Jen's work

[00:08:49] and expand your mind about how sensitivity

[00:08:51] can be a very, very important tool.

[00:08:54] That is it though for now.

[00:08:55] I hope you have a wonderful weekend,

[00:08:57] and please do remember to schedule in some all-important time for self-care.

[00:09:01] I will see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.