2362: Which Do You Prioritize: Urgent or Important AND What is Self-Connection by Kristine Klussman on Mindful Relationships

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show.

[00:00:17] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Which Do You Prioritize, Urgent or Important? By Kristine Klussman of KristineKlussman.com

[00:00:28] If you're like most people, you probably spend most of your time handling the urgent demands of life, and the rest of your time doing things that don't really matter. Trolling Facebook, Candy Crush, and bad TV come to mind. We hardly ever make the time for the kinds of activities that have the biggest impact on life satisfaction, the ones that are truly important. But what are these? Screen-free time alone to think and reflect? Connecting with loved ones you don't see every day? Playing the guitar,

[00:00:57] painting, or creating something that serves no immediate purpose other than satisfaction in the creating. Regular exercise and good eating habits. Because these are not urgently needed, there are no immediate consequences if we don't do them. We tend to push them to the back burner, where they often stay for weeks, months, or years.

[00:01:16] Yet, ignoring these important activities to address only urgent matters is a recipe for an unsatisfying existence.

[00:01:25] When daily activities are dictated primarily by external demands, we live in a constant state of reaction, disconnected from a sense of personal purpose or significance.

[00:01:35] Our lives feel empty and hectic at the same time. Stephen Covey broke down this urgent-slash-important distinction in his well-known book,

[00:01:45] The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. He broke life activities in four quadrants.

[00:01:50] Quadrant one is for urgent and important deadlines, the things we must do now or terrible things will happen right away.

[00:01:57] Quadrant two is for non-urgent but important longer-term projects.

[00:02:03] Quadrant three is for urgent tasks that aren't important but still need to get done ASAP.

[00:02:08] Lots of things we consider urgent actually fall into this category.

[00:02:12] And quadrant four is for non-urgent, non-important activities,

[00:02:16] the things we most often find ourselves doing during breaks from urgent and more important obligations.

[00:02:22] Social media, television, puttering.

[00:02:25] Sadly, most of us spend our lives in quadrant one and three dealing with the urgent stuff

[00:02:31] and waste the rest of our time in quadrant four.

[00:02:35] Yet quadrant two, the non-urgent, important activities, is where the magic happens.

[00:02:40] This is the core of authentic connection,

[00:02:43] making choices every day that help you achieve the goals and ideals you hold most important.

[00:02:48] Nurturing your relationships, volunteering for causes you believe in,

[00:02:52] spending time in nature, journaling, and writing that novel or screenplay you've always wanted to write.

[00:02:59] None of these types of things are blowing up our phones or beating down our doors,

[00:03:04] but they are the things that will bring us a profound and enduring sense of satisfaction.

[00:03:09] The key to authentic connection is tending to these important activities regularly,

[00:03:15] despite the many urgent demands on our time.

[00:03:17] How?

[00:03:19] By carving out the space in your schedule to do the things that make you feel alive and purposeful.

[00:03:25] Calendar alone time to figure out what those are.

[00:03:28] Nourish your soul by helping a stranger, walking in the woods,

[00:03:31] creating something with your hands, and listening to your heart's secret desires.

[00:03:36] Get real about what is truly urgent and important,

[00:03:39] and push back on unimportant demands on your time.

[00:03:42] Prioritizing what's most important is the only way to cultivate true connection,

[00:03:47] and cultivate a life of profound satisfaction, joy, and peace.

[00:03:55] What is self-connection?

[00:03:57] By Christine Klissman of christineklissman.com

[00:04:02] We talk a lot about self-connection on this blog.

[00:04:05] In many ways, it is the cornerstone for connection more generally,

[00:04:08] so it would probably be good to talk a little bit about what we mean by that term.

[00:04:12] Our lab is studying how people define it, cultivate it, lose it, and sustain it,

[00:04:18] and we'll have lots to say on all those topics in the coming months and years.

[00:04:22] But for now, let's start with a basic discussion of what self-connection is all about.

[00:04:27] In simple terms, self-connection is a state of being,

[00:04:30] one in which you regularly tune into your own emotional, spiritual, and physical needs

[00:04:35] and honor them in your daily actions.

[00:04:38] You listen to your intuition.

[00:04:39] You fully inhabit your physical body.

[00:04:42] You are able to quickly pinpoint what is hurting your feelings,

[00:04:45] what kind of movement your body is aching for,

[00:04:48] when you need some alone time,

[00:04:50] and how what you're doing in this small moment fits into your larger life purpose.

[00:04:54] It's a heightened state of being.

[00:04:56] When you live a self-connected life, you value your time and use it wisely,

[00:05:01] furthering the causes and priorities you care most about.

[00:05:04] You make time for meaningful activities and avoid the meaningless.

[00:05:08] You are clear on what matters to you,

[00:05:10] with a strong internal compass that alerts you to when you're getting off track.

[00:05:15] You feel fulfilled, both in the moment and in the big picture,

[00:05:18] because you know you are tending to your deepest needs.

[00:05:21] You take care of your health with nutritional, exercise, and sleep habits

[00:05:25] that help keep your unique body humming along at its best.

[00:05:29] You also tend to your emotional health,

[00:05:32] regularly checking in with yourself to address any unmet needs or unresolved issues.

[00:05:36] You recognize and express your emotions.

[00:05:39] You take time to reflect and be grateful.

[00:05:42] You are honest with yourself and with others.

[00:05:44] You cultivate a limitless curiosity when it comes to learning

[00:05:48] about yourself, others, the world, and the many ways you might experience joy.

[00:05:54] You might be transported to a state of flow as you make art.

[00:05:58] You might revel in your oneness with other living things as you walk through the woods.

[00:06:02] You might not.

[00:06:03] But you are proficient in the language of you,

[00:06:06] and you quickly pick up on what works for you and what doesn't.

[00:06:10] Self-connection impacts every area of life,

[00:06:13] from our mental and physical health to the satisfaction we derive from social connections,

[00:06:18] work, and hobbies.

[00:06:19] This is why connection theory interventions all begin by learning to improve self-connection.

[00:06:25] Let's be clear, though.

[00:06:27] No one lives in perfect self-connection, in all areas of life, 100% of the time.

[00:06:32] We are, after all, only human.

[00:06:34] The best we can do is to develop habits that ensure we regularly check in with ourselves,

[00:06:39] honor our priorities, and help us restore a connection when it is inevitably lost

[00:06:44] or muffled in the clamor of modern life.

[00:06:47] Across all contexts, the payoff of self-connection is the sense of feeling truly and exquisitely

[00:06:54] alive, fully engaged with the life you lead, and welcoming every moment.

[00:06:59] Your body sings, your mind soars, and you inhabit a world of the most profound and lasting satisfaction.

[00:07:10] You just listened to the posts titled,

[00:07:12] Which do you prioritize, urgent or important?

[00:07:15] And, What is self-connection?

[00:07:18] Both by Christine Klussman of christineklussman.com

[00:07:22] A pair of dandies from Christine today, and needless to say, they are directly in line with one another.

[00:07:28] I think our second reading really illustrated all of the benefits there are to be had

[00:07:32] when we spend time in that second quadrant that she alluded to in the first post.

[00:07:37] I really love the quadrant model because it does provide a sense of structure and direction,

[00:07:42] keeping us on track with time-sensitive issues that have negative repercussions

[00:07:46] if we choose to ignore them in favor of something more comfortable.

[00:07:49] Though most of us don't have a problem answering the bell to these things,

[00:07:53] that's because in addition to their consequences being obvious,

[00:07:56] they're easily measurable, in terms of time, benefits, and more.

[00:08:00] The reason we stay out of that second quadrant sometimes

[00:08:04] is because the results are not only immeasurable,

[00:08:07] but difficult to see, as they don't provide the quick hits that quadrant 4 activities do.

[00:08:13] Posts like Christine's second one are especially vital because they remind us of those benefits.

[00:08:18] And though they aren't quite measurable, the more they are praised,

[00:08:21] the more we are reminded of their value, and that is vitally important.

[00:08:26] So thank you to Christine, and thanks to all of you for being here today to start another week.

[00:08:31] Have a great day, everyone, and I hope I'll see you back here tomorrow

[00:08:34] for more material and where your optimal life awaits.