2364: An Open Letter to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and All Other Newly Wed Couples by Lisa Merlo-Booth on Marriage Advice

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show.

[00:00:18] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, an open letter to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and All Other Newly Wed Couples by Lisa Merlo-Booth of lisamerlo-booth.com.

[00:00:30] First and foremost, congratulations on your recent marriage. I can only imagine the pressures the two of you must be under.

[00:00:37] This letter is a gift from me to you both, and any other newlyweds, who could benefit from advice that too many couples never get. I hope it helps give your marriage a healthy start.

[00:00:48] The first rule for newlyweds is likely the most important rule for you. You will have countless people telling you what to do, where to go, and how to be.

[00:00:56] You will have people telling you when to have children, how many children to have, and how to raise them.

[00:01:02] You will also have people wanting to get close, others trying to break you up, and still others spreading rumors.

[00:01:09] The way you handle all of this is by always remembering that you two come first.

[00:01:15] Imagine that you are both in a bubble. The primary bubble goes around you two first. The next larger bubble goes around you and your children.

[00:01:23] The next larger bubble includes your closest family members and friends, and so on.

[00:01:28] Do not allow work or other family members to enter the key nucleus bubble, or you risk shaking the foundation of your marriage.

[00:01:36] The most important bubble is always the two of you. Nothing enters the principal bubble until you both have talked and decided what's best for your family.

[00:01:46] Because so many of us are young when we first get married, and often greatly influenced by our families, putting our coupleship ahead of our families is one of the most difficult skills to master as a couple.

[00:01:57] Be diligent, and remember, you two are the core, and always protect the core.

[00:02:04] Remember to make time for you to be a couple. Too many marriages fizzle out, not because of a huge disagreement or a major betrayal, but because life gets in the way.

[00:02:14] Couples begin to get caught up in the demands of everyday obligations, and they forget to keep their fingers on the pulse of their relationship.

[00:02:22] Keep your finger on the pulse. If you're feeling distant, it's because you are getting distant.

[00:02:28] Set up a date night, minimally twice a month from the start of your marriage.

[00:02:32] When you have children, this is even more important to do.

[00:02:36] As flight attendants say all over the world, put your oxygen mask on first and then assist the children.

[00:02:43] Marriage is the same. If your relationship is not strong, your family will not be strong.

[00:02:48] Talk things out, always, and be respectful in how you do so.

[00:02:53] The most damaging thing couples can do in conflict is either become silent or become abusive in their fight.

[00:03:00] When we have silence, we leave no room for repair.

[00:03:04] Each unresolved incident becomes a crack in the foundation.

[00:03:07] Eventually, these cracks become insurmountable, and the entire structure collapses.

[00:03:13] Similarly, name-calling, belittling, yelling, or moving in power with our partner rots out the relationship.

[00:03:20] When we verbally attack our partner, we show them we don't respect them.

[00:03:24] After a while, this becomes old and not something anyone wants to be around.

[00:03:29] Harsh interactions create huge distance.

[00:03:32] If you want a loving marriage, then act loving, even in your disagreements.

[00:03:37] Remember to check in with one another regularly.

[00:03:40] Intimacy means, into me, you see.

[00:03:43] Share yourself.

[00:03:45] Give your partner a glimpse of what's going on inside you.

[00:03:48] A mutual sharing will keep you both close.

[00:03:51] Too often, women share and men don't.

[00:03:53] Those couples end up in my office.

[00:03:56] Don't make that same mistake.

[00:03:58] Do not allow your friends or families to dictate how you are with one another.

[00:04:02] Be your own people, and make sure you have each other's backs.

[00:04:06] You want to be one another's greatest supporter.

[00:04:09] See life's struggles as something to troubleshoot together, not obstacles that keep you stuck.

[00:04:14] Be committed to solution, not criticism and naysaying.

[00:04:19] I wish you both the best.

[00:04:21] Know that, despite what many people may say,

[00:04:24] marriage can be a great source of refuge from an otherwise difficult world.

[00:04:28] Although there will be difficult times, marriage should not be hard work.

[00:04:33] Healthy relationships have a way of flowing comfortably.

[00:04:36] If yours does not, each of you should look at your part.

[00:04:40] On a final note, always remember to treat one another as equals.

[00:04:45] Because you are.

[00:04:46] Neither of you is better or more important than the other.

[00:04:49] If you begin to act otherwise, your relationship will pay the price.

[00:04:53] Hold each other accountable for this equality at all times.

[00:04:57] Holding yourself in warm regard and insisting others do as well

[00:05:01] will be the greatest gift to give yourselves and any future children you may have.

[00:05:06] May you both have an amazing life together, filled with endless laughter,

[00:05:10] far more joy than sorrow, and a peaceful love that you both grow to count on

[00:05:14] throughout your lifetimes.

[00:05:16] Warm regards, Lisa Merlot Booth.

[00:05:23] You just listened to the post titled,

[00:05:25] An Open Letter to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, and All Other Newlywed Couples,

[00:05:30] by Lisa Merlot Booth, of lisamerlotbooth.com.

[00:05:34] And to no one's surprise, some great advice from Lisa today.

[00:05:38] I really love how she provides a visual aid

[00:05:41] by encouraging couples to consider the bubbles that they're in,

[00:05:45] and the bubbles that stretch out further past their own.

[00:05:47] This is a great tool for putting everyone into perspective,

[00:05:51] including the balance and equality between partners.

[00:05:55] Yes, everything needs to run through their bubble first and foremost.

[00:05:59] But fear not, fellow singles,

[00:06:02] the same aid can really be applied to ourselves and our own lives.

[00:06:06] You know, it's very easy to be swayed by friends and family in ways that are not necessarily productive for us.

[00:06:12] And for that reason, it's equally valuable to consider the bubble that we are in ourselves,

[00:06:18] and then the bubbles that go past it.

[00:06:21] So, how can we look out for ourselves first and our primary needs,

[00:06:25] and then play nice with those around us?

[00:06:28] Just some food for thought.

[00:06:29] Thank you again to Lisa.

[00:06:31] Thank you all for being here today.

[00:06:32] I really had fun, and I love how palpable today's lesson was.

[00:06:36] I really do.

[00:06:37] We are going to be talking parenting for the next couple of days,

[00:06:40] so don't miss out everyone.

[00:06:42] I will see you back here tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.