2368: Man Overboard - When Others in Your Space are Not on Board with Minimalism by Cheryl Smith with No Sidebar

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show.

[00:00:18] Hello everybody and welcome back to ORD with me, your host and narrator Greg Audino. It is another weekly bonus episode in which I share a previously aired episode from another show on our network that I think you would enjoy and take something from. So today we'll be hearing from Justin over on Optimal Living Daily. So sit back and relax for his commentary and narration as we optimize your life.

[00:00:44] Man Overboard, When Others in Your Space are Not on Board with Minimalism by Cheryl Smith with NoSidebar.com

[00:00:54] It may sound odd, but I feel that I was abundantly blessed in that both of my parents left this world with very few possessions. What dad left behind could fit in a small crate. And when mom passed away, it took just one day to empty her small apartment and move her things to our garage.

[00:01:12] While it may have appeared as something to be pitied by others, it was a great relief to me. Over the years since mom's death, I have, as I could emotionally handle it, reduced those possessions to what will fit in one crate.

[00:01:26] The things that reside in that crate are of little to no monetary value, but they are beyond precious to me. And they take up very little space.

[00:01:34] Though I doubt they were at all familiar with the modern terminology and they were by no means the type to care about or succumb to what is popular or trendy,

[00:01:43] my parents were, by sheer lifestyle necessity, ahead of their time, minimalists.

[00:01:49] Fast forward to the situation in which my husband, son, and I now find ourselves immersed.

[00:01:55] My 92-year-old father-in-law passed away last year, leaving the family home and all of its contents to my now 87-year-old mother-in-law.

[00:02:05] The era in which they were raised required saving, penny-pinching, and zero waste in order to merely survive.

[00:02:13] As years passed and their financial situation improved to the point of not needing to be so careful,

[00:02:19] they never ditched that Great Depression rationing mindset.

[00:02:24] While I dearly love and respect my mother-in-law, she's one of the most ardent hoarders I know.

[00:02:30] After meals, she often asks me to save and store one or two bites of remaining food on her plate.

[00:02:36] Nearly all the time, I end up throwing it out a few days later.

[00:02:40] Because we are abundantly blessed, there's a steady supply of food and I'm continually cooking new meals.

[00:02:46] What she felt guilty about wasting becomes buried in the bountiful flow of home-cooked leftovers that consistently fills her refrigerator.

[00:02:55] Having reached an advanced point in our own minimizing journey,

[00:02:58] my family and I find it hard to understand why her home is filled with so much excess.

[00:03:04] We must continually restrain ourselves from trying to impart minimizing wisdom

[00:03:08] to someone who feels it is extremely important to cling to every single thing that comes into her possession.

[00:03:14] Though it will be a monumental and daunting future task to protect her feelings,

[00:03:20] keep the peace, and guard our relationship,

[00:03:23] we've come to the realization that much of the needed minimizing

[00:03:26] will have to be done past the point of her knowledge.

[00:03:30] Here are a few lessons that we are learning and doing our utmost to implement

[00:03:34] in a situation where someone in close proximity is completely averse to the idea of minimalism.

[00:03:40] Number one, give time and grace.

[00:03:45] Always remember that each person is, in large part,

[00:03:48] a product of their individual life experiences.

[00:03:51] Emotional scars are sometimes covered by an abundance of stuff,

[00:03:55] and physical possessions are often purchased and kept as a security blanket source of comfort.

[00:04:00] Forcing the issue and wrenching those things from someone before they are ready

[00:04:04] can do irreparable relational damage.

[00:04:07] Think about your own minimizing journey and how it would have felt if someone else were controlling the pace.

[00:04:13] Each one of us operates on a unique timetable, and this is not a race.

[00:04:18] Allow those in your living space to come to their own terms with excess

[00:04:22] and respect the fact that their decisions are their own.

[00:04:26] They may eventually come on board, but then again, they may never see the need.

[00:04:31] Consider the thought that they may be doing all they are humanly capable of,

[00:04:35] and just as you need grace from others, they need the same from you.

[00:04:39] Number two, refuse the temptation to nag.

[00:04:43] I know it's not easy, but choose to take the high road with humility and lead by quiet example.

[00:04:50] Nagging tends to encourage the opposite of a hoped-for result.

[00:04:54] In the case of caring for elderly parents, roles truly do reverse,

[00:04:58] and lifetime caregivers become dependent children again.

[00:05:02] Sometimes it is best to let unassuming action do all the talking.

[00:05:07] Number three, respect personal space.

[00:05:10] The same atmosphere that vexes your spirit and induces anxiety

[00:05:14] may be someone else's comfort zone.

[00:05:16] What you see as a mess and entirely unnecessary chaotic clutter

[00:05:20] may calm someone else's nerves.

[00:05:23] I find it hard to understand how a basement filled with stuff

[00:05:26] that never sees the light of day brings a sense of solace to my mother-in-law,

[00:05:30] but at the end of the day, it is her basement and her stuff,

[00:05:34] and I really have no right to interfere with that.

[00:05:37] Granted, I will more than likely be involved in the mix of sorting through

[00:05:41] and allocating it all one day,

[00:05:43] but if it brings her peace and helps her cope through

[00:05:46] whatever amount of time she has left on this earth,

[00:05:48] it is hers to steward in the way she wishes.

[00:05:51] And number four, kindness really does matter.

[00:05:56] Feelings are real and should always be acknowledged and validated.

[00:06:00] Conflicting mindsets should be respected even when they are not understood.

[00:06:04] Empathy goes a long way in melting the human heart

[00:06:08] and building a bridge between opposing opinions.

[00:06:11] As simple as it may sound,

[00:06:13] looking someone in the eye when frustrated

[00:06:15] can do wonders in preventing the utterance of hurtful words.

[00:06:19] Eyes really are the windows to the soul,

[00:06:21] and I find it difficult to tell my mother-in-law

[00:06:24] it is not necessary to hold on to the many bags of clothing in her attic

[00:06:28] while looking into her well-meaning, scared-to-let-go eyes.

[00:06:33] Yes, there are many who could use those clothes,

[00:06:35] and one day they will have the opportunity.

[00:06:38] For now, preserving her dignity is more important.

[00:06:42] At the end of the day,

[00:06:44] on-board or over-board,

[00:06:47] relationships are what matter most.

[00:06:52] You just listened to the post titled,

[00:06:55] Man Overboard,

[00:06:56] When Others in Your Space Are Not On Board With Minimalism,

[00:06:59] by Cheryl Smith with nosidebar.com.

[00:07:02] Thank you to Cheryl.

[00:07:04] This might just be the most popular question I hear regarding minimalism.

[00:07:09] I'm in some minimalist groups on Facebook,

[00:07:12] and this one comes up so frequently

[00:07:13] that I have a pre-written stock response

[00:07:16] referencing an article that I narrated from Courtney Carver of

[00:07:20] BeMoreWithLess.com,

[00:07:22] way back in episode 605.

[00:07:24] That article is titled,

[00:07:26] How to Encourage Loved Ones to Simplify Their Lives,

[00:07:29] and has similar points.

[00:07:31] In fact,

[00:07:32] Give Them Time was number three in her list,

[00:07:35] and number one in today's list.

[00:07:37] And there's more in common.

[00:07:39] You'll notice that there really aren't any tricks or shady tactics.

[00:07:42] No convincing, really.

[00:07:44] Because with these types of things,

[00:07:46] nagging does not get us very far.

[00:07:48] It's something that we and others have to figure out on our own,

[00:07:52] through example,

[00:07:53] and often by hearing it from someone outside of our social circle.

[00:07:57] So,

[00:07:58] resist that temptation to lecture or force anything

[00:08:01] might have the opposite effect.

[00:08:03] Have a great rest of your day,

[00:08:04] and I'll see you tomorrow,

[00:08:06] where your optimal life awaits.