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Episode 2380:
Kristena Eden delves into the stress and tension that often accompanies family gatherings during the holidays, offering practical strategies to restore connection. She suggests group nature walks, meeting in neutral locations, and accepting family differences to transform potentially stressful encounters into opportunities for growth and bonding.
Read along with the original article(s) here: https://corelivingessentials.com/holiday-happiness/
Quotes to ponder:
"Our constant show-and-tell ego mode causes us to lose our close connection."
"Walking together, even for a short while, builds stronger connections."
"It really is ok to be different. We can still love them where they are, even if we don’t agree with them or their actions."
Episode references:
BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com
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[00:00:30] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Holiday Happiness by Kristina Eden of CoreLivingEssentials.com
[00:00:39] Holiday Happiness or is it?
[00:00:42] Question.
[00:00:43] I love my family, except during the holidays. We are in constant battle mode when we're all together. We all have to one-up everyone else. For example, everyone is on a different diet so they can't eat that, or their kids are on the number one team.
[00:00:58] Why can't we just have a good time together? Our constant show-and-tell ego mode causes us to lose our close connection. Now, I don't like getting together and would rather do something else. We were once a fun-loving family. What happened?
[00:01:13] Answer.
[00:01:14] The holidays seem to bring out a lot of stress. Also, when we get together with any collection of people, there is going to be some kind of conflict. This is true even in the most connected families. Of all the people we know, it is our family who can trigger our fears or help build our peace the most. The following are strategies that help to reconnect family.
[00:01:36] Go for a walk together.
[00:01:38] A study conducted by researchers at the University of Michigan found that taking a group nature walk is associated with a whole host of mental benefits.
[00:01:47] It helps to clear the air when you feel stress. It's a huge stress buster. It improves the mood and builds the positive emotions. This in turn impacts our bodies.
[00:01:57] It enhances the nervous system, endocrine, and immune systems. It reduces anxiety and those helpless feelings. Nature reduces anger and fear. It also helps us cope with pain. The fresh air and trees distract us from our underlying concerns. When you're having a pleasant experience, you associate that with the people around you. Walking together, even for a short while, builds stronger connections.
[00:02:22] Pick a neutral environment. Meet in a location that's different, not in someone's home, so the environment is different for all involved. This reduces the stress of getting the house clean or decorated and also reduces the worries of things getting broken.
[00:02:38] New adventures bring new light to old relationships, and that way, you're all in this together, maybe even feeling the same fear of the unknown, keeping all involved humble.
[00:02:48] Also, this new adventure requires courage or being out of our comfort zone. Yet, we're all there in that same experience. Another benefit is that a new place will keep families from getting bored, and perhaps this new adventure will be the start of a continued adventure unique for your family.
[00:03:05] Such an experience will force you to grow together, and you will develop a new attitude, giving you a new perspective of yourself and your family. Most people have shown not to argue when on an interesting adventure.
[00:03:16] Let it go.
[00:03:18] Our family can trigger our core fears like no one else can. They mean well, and they are doing the best they know how at this level of awareness and understanding.
[00:03:26] So we need to learn to accept our family for what and who they are. In order to avoid bad habits and pitfalls of our usual arguments, we need to stay in the present, and not worry that we have to deal with them again or not.
[00:03:40] The past is behind us, so let it go. Instead, we need to look at and learn to enjoy their eccentricities or dysfunction. You may even find humor in what they're doing.
[00:03:51] Even though they're family and we have known them forever, they are people, and are in a different path in life than you.
[00:03:57] So it's imperative that they make choices according to their personal experiences and growth.
[00:04:02] It really is okay to be different. We can still love them where they are, even if we don't agree with them or their actions.
[00:04:09] Bob, a friend of mine, told me about a conflict experience. A person continually harassed Bob, calling him names and demoralizing him.
[00:04:18] One day, this person got in Bob's face and said,
[00:04:21] I'm going to beat you up. Bob said,
[00:04:23] If you beat me up, we'll never know if we can be good friends or not.
[00:04:27] That comment changed the direction of their relationship, and they became lifelong friends.
[00:04:32] How can our family be lifelong friends if we don't try?
[00:04:36] We could be missing the best adventure in our lifetime.
[00:04:39] One step at a time.
[00:04:44] You just listened to the post titled,
[00:04:46] Holiday Happiness, by Christina Eden, of CoreLivingEssentials.com
[00:04:51] An excellent post today, citing some aspects of the holidays and the emotions that engulf it,
[00:04:56] that we wouldn't normally consider.
[00:04:58] I think one of the things that normally leads to destruction during the holidays
[00:05:02] is the fierce sense of tradition that we tend to hold on to.
[00:05:06] And frankly, the majority of long-lasting traditions we take part in
[00:05:10] are a bit outdated and done thoughtlessly over time.
[00:05:14] What this means is that it is hard to think outside the box,
[00:05:18] which is something necessary when the dynamic is not working, holidays or not.
[00:05:22] Christina's post invites us to do that,
[00:05:24] to see the holidays in a new way and offer different suggestions to it.
[00:05:29] Why can't we go for a walk rather than stay in the house and eat the whole time?
[00:05:33] Why can't we meet at a neutral site as opposed to always going to the same person's house?
[00:05:38] Why can't we take the time to laugh at the wacky suggestions and conspiracy theories
[00:05:43] that take place over the table the way we would laugh at it in 30 years from now
[00:05:47] when the same people aren't around?
[00:05:49] Take the opportunity this year to rethink the holidays
[00:05:52] in a way to help whatever may be dragging it down each year.
[00:05:56] Your family may just conjure up some new, healthier traditions,
[00:05:59] and that would be thanks to you.
[00:06:00] Okay, folks, that is going to do it for me today.
[00:06:03] I hope you are feeling recharged,
[00:06:04] and I hope you'll be back with me for another post tomorrow
[00:06:07] where your optimal life awaits.
[00:06:10] I hope you are going to be back with me today.
[00:06:10] Let's do it for yourself.
[00:06:10] We'll be back with you today.
[00:06:10] Thank you.