2385: How The Four Tendencies Personality Profile Made Me a Better Parent by Krista O'Reily-Davi-Digui of ALifeInProgress

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[00:00:30] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. How The Four Tendencies Personality Profile Made Me a Better Parent by Krista OReily-Davi-Digui of ALifeInProgress.ca

[00:00:44] I think it was the moment when she was three years old and she crossed her arms, widened her stance, and stared me dead on that I knew I was in trouble.

[00:00:54] This tiny person with chubby cheeks and chocolatey almond-shaped eyes was not impressed by my angry eyebrows, my threats of consequences, or even my raised voice.

[00:01:05] None of the authoritarian parenting tactics that had worked with her big brother swayed her in the least. In fact, they made things significantly worse.

[00:01:14] I had backed her into a corner and I knew in that moment who would emerge the victor.

[00:01:19] My frantic brain spun wildly, searching for some hidden bit of wisdom that would help me untangle the scenario gracefully without losing my authority or my cool.

[00:01:29] But I was already a goner, and she knew it.

[00:01:34] This daughter of mine is a left-handed, right-brained whirlwind of creative mess and exploration.

[00:01:40] A strong-willed math whiz, always hungry for a challenge and unwilling to conform tidily to other people's rules or expectations.

[00:01:47] She has called me to growth and delighted me from the day we met, 17 years ago.

[00:01:53] But I had my work cut out for me.

[00:01:56] My journey to growth started years ago with delving into learning styles, love languages, and various personality typing models.

[00:02:04] And when, two years ago, I came across the four tendencies model,

[00:02:08] I realized this was a missing, important layer of understanding that would take us both to the next level in terms of self-awareness and how to relate to each other.

[00:02:18] The four tendencies model speaks to the manner in which we respond to outer and inner expectations.

[00:02:25] It is potentially life-changing, as it helps us understand how we make decisions, meet deadlines or don't,

[00:02:32] initiate lasting change or form new habits, and how we engage with others.

[00:02:37] In 2015, when I read Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin, my daughter and I eagerly uncovered our individual tendencies.

[00:02:46] The skies parted, and the light of heaven shone down upon me,

[00:02:51] and so much more about this girl who I adored began to make sense.

[00:02:55] My daughter, you see, is a rebel.

[00:02:58] A rebel resists both inner and outer expectations,

[00:03:02] which helped me understand why she would go nose-to-nose with me when I tried to assert my authority over her.

[00:03:08] Why she resisted my well-crafted homeschool plans,

[00:03:12] but would work wholeheartedly if she came up with her own,

[00:03:15] until she got bored and moved on.

[00:03:17] Why she was an amazing artist,

[00:03:19] but left countless half-finished projects in her wake.

[00:03:22] Why she is highly gifted in so many areas of life and study,

[00:03:27] but has a hard time imagining sticking to any one profession for years of her life.

[00:03:32] And why she walks with such envious confidence,

[00:03:36] and doesn't seem to care what other people think of her.

[00:03:39] Here's a bit of fabulous news for my older daughter and me.

[00:03:43] Questioners and rebels actually have a natural affinity for each other, as we have discovered.

[00:03:48] But a deeper understanding of why we operate the way we do

[00:03:52] deepened our ability to fully enjoy each other,

[00:03:55] and not feel like we were purposefully out to antagonize the other.

[00:03:59] Although, as a rebel, I do think she enjoys pushing my buttons sometimes just for the fun of it.

[00:04:05] Our family is made up of three questioners,

[00:04:08] oh, the conversations we have,

[00:04:10] an upholder,

[00:04:11] his work ethic is something to be admired,

[00:04:13] and one rebel.

[00:04:14] The four tendencies made me a better parent.

[00:04:19] This is one more tool with which I am able to help my children become more self-aware,

[00:04:24] so they can live with greater emotional intelligence,

[00:04:27] and achieve their personal goals.

[00:04:29] This includes understanding how to leverage their strengths,

[00:04:32] and manage their weaknesses as needed.

[00:04:35] Two,

[00:04:36] we can laugh at ourselves more easily now,

[00:04:39] and we experience significantly less conflict because we understand each other more fully.

[00:04:45] Three,

[00:04:46] understanding the four tendencies helps me present information and requests

[00:04:50] in ways that are far more likely to receive a positive response,

[00:04:54] or even eager cooperation.

[00:04:56] And parents, you know this is a huge win.

[00:04:59] Four,

[00:05:00] becoming a student of my children led to an overarching sense of respect in our home.

[00:05:06] No more grouchy authoritarian parenting for me.

[00:05:09] For each individual to be who we are with less judgment and more celebration.

[00:05:15] Five,

[00:05:16] exploring typology,

[00:05:17] including the four tendencies,

[00:05:19] opened up the conversation for my children to help identify my blind spots and triggers,

[00:05:24] and the grace they have offered me has been incredibly healing,

[00:05:28] which, in turn,

[00:05:29] has made me a kinder,

[00:05:31] gentler mom.

[00:05:32] This rebel daughter of mine is an amazing,

[00:05:35] interesting person.

[00:05:37] She is not,

[00:05:38] of course,

[00:05:38] just rebel,

[00:05:39] but a multifaceted,

[00:05:41] multi-layered,

[00:05:42] unique construction of personality

[00:05:44] and personal choice.

[00:05:46] An ever-changing artistic expression of one piece of sacred humanity.

[00:05:50] I am so grateful she crashed my quiet party all those years ago.

[00:05:55] She made the decision at age six to play piano,

[00:05:58] and never once did I have to cajole her to practice.

[00:06:01] All I had to do was get out of her way.

[00:06:04] In grade nine,

[00:06:06] she decided to self-teach two years of math in one school year.

[00:06:09] I couldn't have stopped her if I had tried.

[00:06:12] She graduated this spring with many awards,

[00:06:14] including the Governor General Medal for Top Academic Achievement.

[00:06:19] Scary to think what might have happened if she had decided she didn't like learning.

[00:06:22] It's so amazing how life changes when each of our children joins the nest,

[00:06:28] bringing with them distinct personalities and unique gifts.

[00:06:31] And one of the best bits of advice I could ever offer other parents

[00:06:35] would be to deep dive into personality typing

[00:06:37] to begin to uncover who your kids are at their core.

[00:06:41] I suggest starting with the four tendencies.

[00:06:43] It might just make you an even better parent.

[00:06:47] Krista,

[00:06:52] you just listened to the post titled

[00:06:54] How the Four Tendencies Personality Profile Made Me a Better Parent

[00:06:58] by Krista O'Reilly Davidege of alifeinprogress.ca

[00:07:05] And a big thanks to Krista today.

[00:07:07] We hear a lot in our parenting posts about the value of molding our children

[00:07:12] by setting examples and guiding them to become adults

[00:07:16] in ways that we feel are valuable.

[00:07:17] But at the same time,

[00:07:19] it's important to make space for what Krista has educated us on today.

[00:07:24] And that's their innate qualities that are evident

[00:07:27] even before we have a chance to start shaping them.

[00:07:30] For all parents out there,

[00:07:32] it is important to get to know your kids' idiosyncrasies in this way

[00:07:36] and to then pair those idiosyncrasies

[00:07:39] with the steps we take to turn them into good adults.

[00:07:43] Know their strengths and then work with them accordingly.

[00:07:47] Know their weaknesses and then work with them accordingly.

[00:07:49] It'll make the aging and learning process

[00:07:51] much more pleasant for all involved.

[00:07:54] I promise you.

[00:07:55] Krista promises you too.

[00:07:57] We are going to wrap up here for now though, my friends.

[00:08:00] Thank you so much for listening.

[00:08:02] Thank you again to Krista for a great post.

[00:08:05] We've got another one coming up tomorrow.

[00:08:06] So get excited.

[00:08:08] I will see you there, everyone,

[00:08:10] where your optimal life awaits.

[00:08:12] Krista has given me a chance,

[00:08:12] we have a little bit

[00:08:12] to get started right now.

[00:08:12] To the next steps,

[00:08:12] The next steps we take in,

[00:08:13] And that's how the world where