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Episode 2414:
Leni Dawson reflects on how maternity has reshaped her perspective, revealing life lessons about impermanence, organization, presence, realistic goal-setting, and the value of "empty time." These insights emphasize mindfulness and adaptability, offering practical wisdom that extends far beyond parenting.
Read along with the original article(s) here: https://nosidebar.com/five-lessons-maternity/
Quotes to ponder:
"Every state is temporary. Enjoy what you can. Take away what you can."
"Being organized allows me to be present in the moment, to deal with what is actually going on."
"This empty time, while seemingly unproductive or even leisurely, has given me better ideas and solutions than I ever had just sitting at my desk."
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[00:00:30] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Five Lessons Maternity Has Taught Me by Lenny Dawson of Nosidebar.com
[00:00:40] My maternity has proven to be an unexpected course in mindfulness, like one of these surprising two-for-one deals you didn't know about until you reached the till. Mindful maternity? Far from it. But the last months have taught me a few important lessons.
[00:00:56] Number one. Every state is temporary. One day baby sleeps through the night, and one day there is a sleep regression. There are growth spurts and teeth and colic and whatever else your baby has to offer.
[00:01:09] One day you are still sore, and one day you are healed. One day you are tired, and one day you are not. Even if it is difficult at times, there is no point in getting too uptight about it.
[00:01:20] Babies change every day, and so do your routines your whole life. Looking back at my life, it's always been like this. School and its many exams. One day they were all passed.
[00:01:32] That relationship that did not feel right. Well, it was not meant to last. The days of partying and hangovers. One day I had other priorities. The family dinners, the parental advice. And then your parents pass away.
[00:01:48] What has the baby taught me? Every state is temporary. Enjoy what you can. Take away what you can. Because in a day from now, a month from now, a year from now, everything will be different again.
[00:02:00] Number two. Order over chaos. I've always been fairly tidy, and I love clean lines and wide spaces. But when baby comes, stuff comes. Play blankets, changing mats, toys. Even reduced to the essential items, your baby comes with luggage. Baby has shown me again and again the value of being organized. Need a full change in the middle of the night? You'll be grateful for the spare pajamas you laid out earlier. Milk fountain on its way?
[00:02:30] There's a muslin cloth in every room. Being organized allows me to be present in the moment, to deal with what is actually going on, rather than frantically searching through the pile of washing to the sound of dying cats.
[00:02:43] Part of my nighttime routine is to go through all the rooms, tidy up the discarded clothes and toys, and prepare for the next day. Yes, I love waking up in a tidy home, but there is much more to this routine. As I wander through the house, I am honoring our space and restore its peace.
[00:03:01] Number three. I need to be here.
[00:03:05] I love, loved, my work. It was on my mind all the time, and I never really switched off from it, mainly because I didn't have to or want to. I was productive, organized, and successful. Baby has changed me. It took me a while to learn, but the days have slowed.
[00:03:22] It does not matter if I made the bed, got the washing on, went to the shops, or whatever else I had planned to do. If we need an extra nap, that's exactly what we're going to do.
[00:03:33] While Baby was teething, more cuddles were required. While we got used to nap time, lots of hand-holding was required.
[00:03:40] All I need to do is show up and observe what is best right now. And for that, I need to be fully present.
[00:03:48] I'm not saying that there is no schedule or that I am constantly responding on demand.
[00:03:53] What I am saying is that I learned everything I needed to know by being present.
[00:03:58] That a little bit of playtime with a parent who is fully there will always be better than my half-hearted attempt to check emails while jiggling a baby.
[00:04:06] And in the same fashion, I need to be fully there for myself or my partner in the pockets of baby-free time.
[00:04:13] These are little presents of presents, and we can only use them well if we are physically and mentally there.
[00:04:21] 4. Realistic Time Management
[00:04:23] I strive on to-do lists. If I write things down, my brain does not need to hold the information.
[00:04:29] I can use mini-breaks in my day effectively by ticking off a few jobs, and crossing off completed items gives me a beautiful sense of achievement.
[00:04:38] However, I've always had a tendency to overbook myself, and my to-do lists reflected more of an ambitious ideal of my day rather than a realistic goal set.
[00:04:48] Since I am on maternity leave, I am time-rich, but poor in me-time.
[00:04:53] And I have very quickly learned to maximize its use through realistic time management.
[00:04:58] In fact, I'd even go as far as saying that less time has made me more efficient.
[00:05:04] Rather than planning to clean the whole house in one go, I clean one room per day.
[00:05:09] Rather than hoping for a leisurely night for catching up on emails, I take the time for one long email to a friend.
[00:05:16] If I have a bigger task, I break it down into smaller chunks.
[00:05:20] I plan exactly for the little time I have available, and am satisfied when I have achieved my manageable to-do list.
[00:05:27] Not more, just that.
[00:05:30] Number five.
[00:05:31] There is no empty time.
[00:05:33] A baby comes with a lot of empty time.
[00:05:36] Going for walks with the pushchair, feeding time, maybe you sit with your lovely bundle while they slowly drop off to sleep.
[00:05:43] Coming from a busy, busy job, I have learned to absolutely love this time, and I maximize it to the brim.
[00:05:50] While I sometimes use our walks to catch up with friends, more often than not it is my thinking time, and it does me so much good.
[00:05:58] This empty time, while seemingly unproductive or even leisurely, has given me better ideas and solutions than I ever had just sitting at my desk.
[00:06:07] In fact, I'm now convinced that empty time makes for more productive and efficient work.
[00:06:12] With babies, everything is on fast forward.
[00:06:16] The changes are quick and come with a visual manifestation, like a human being progress bar.
[00:06:22] However, the lessons learned in life go far beyond my maternity leave.
[00:06:27] They have taught me to slow down, and I will hold on to that.
[00:06:35] You just listened to the post titled,
[00:06:37] Five Lessons Maternity Has Taught Me, by Lenny Dawson of nosidebar.com
[00:06:43] And thanks so much to Lenny for a post that really extended far beyond parenthood for my money.
[00:06:48] When I first read this, I have to say, I really got hung up on her first bullet point,
[00:06:53] about the impermanence of each period in life, and often the people that come with it.
[00:06:57] This is something we've heard many times, and though I don't want to steer far from parenting in these little closing thoughts,
[00:07:04] the value of presence and appreciating times we have while we have them
[00:07:08] is as big a part of parenting as it is anything else in life.
[00:07:12] It can certainly be challenging if we have difficulty with maintaining attention,
[00:07:17] or maybe if we have attachment issues,
[00:07:19] but never underestimate the value in acknowledging how fleeting everything is,
[00:07:24] including time with children and parents,
[00:07:26] and how much more impactful it can make the time that we're able to spend with them.
[00:07:32] It's a very hearty and all-encompassing note to end on, friends.
[00:07:35] I'm reminded now to appreciate all of you a little extra.
[00:07:38] What a pleasure it is for all of us to have found one another at this time and in this space.
[00:07:42] It's a great time to be alive.
[00:07:44] Have a wonderful Friday if you're listening in real time,
[00:07:46] and be sure to listen along with us again tomorrow,
[00:07:49] where your optimal life awaits.