2418: Suddenly Out of Love - How Did it Happen by Eddie Corbano of Love's A Game on Authentic Healthy Partnerships

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Suddenly Out of Love, How Did It Happen by Eddie Corbano of Lovesagame.com

[00:00:10] It seems to be a complete mystery to fall out of love, something we cannot understand, and yet it happens every day all around us.

[00:00:19] People who used to love each other madly suddenly fall out of love, just like that. What are the reasons?

[00:00:26] Sarah's Story Sarah and her boyfriend had been the perfect couple.

[00:00:31] It was as if they had waited for each other their whole lives. They had the same hobbies, they liked the same things, they see each other as soulmates.

[00:00:40] This went on happily for two years, the perfect relationship, until her boyfriend suddenly started to pull back, to act strange and get distant.

[00:00:49] Eventually, he broke up with her. When she asked for the reason, he replied that he did not love her anymore.

[00:00:56] Sound familiar? Has this also happened to you or someone you know? A disappointment?

[00:01:01] Isn't true love meant to be forever? Well, I cannot give you an answer to this one.

[00:01:06] But I can advise you that you need to examine your perception of true love.

[00:01:11] I can tell you, all that glistens is not gold. A high expectation of true love and a distorted romantic view of the ideal concept of love can disturb the view to having a fulfilling and healthy relationship.

[00:01:25] A realistic view is vital.

[00:01:28] What is the main reason that people fall out of love?

[00:01:31] Of course, there are numerous reasons why people break up. But they are not always the same ones as to why people fall out of love.

[00:01:39] The term to fall out of love implies that they've been in love before and all of a sudden the love is gone.

[00:01:46] This is, of course, an illusion. Nobody loses his love overnight.

[00:01:51] In my experience, there are three main reasons why people stop loving and therefore break up with their partners.

[00:01:58] Number one, their expectations weren't met.

[00:02:02] If you meet a person to whom you are really attracted, you tend to idealize things.

[00:02:08] You fall in love with that person because everything is so new, so fresh.

[00:02:12] The intimacy is great. You're having a great time discovering all the positive attributes of your partner.

[00:02:17] All your needs and expectations are being addressed.

[00:02:20] And when they're not, you simply put your rose-colored glasses on.

[00:02:24] The problem here is that your view of your partner is not always a realistic one.

[00:02:29] Because everyone gives their best, tries to show a better self, and hide possible flaws.

[00:02:35] We accommodate and compromise much easier at the beginning.

[00:02:39] The problem here is that they met each other's expectations at the beginning.

[00:02:43] But later on in the relationship, when the fire has cooled off a little,

[00:02:47] they tend to pull off their masks and show their real selves.

[00:02:51] Now, suddenly, there is no more compromising, no more accommodation, no more meeting the partner's needs.

[00:02:58] Just the pure, unfiltered them.

[00:03:01] And here is where it can lead to conflicts.

[00:03:04] Because someone will not have their needs fulfilled, and will feel betrayed in a way.

[00:03:09] This is usually the moment when the person falls out of love.

[00:03:13] Number two, was it love in the first place?

[00:03:17] Another problem is that people very often cannot say if they're in love or not.

[00:03:22] They confuse physical fulfillment with love.

[00:03:25] This happens very often to young people, or people who have been in a long-term relationship or marriage for a lot of years.

[00:03:32] They confuse the initial fulfillment of a need which has not been met for a long time with love.

[00:03:37] Once this urge has been satisfied, they suddenly lose interest and fall out of love.

[00:03:43] Of course it was not love in the first place.

[00:03:46] And that is why the whole thing appears to come out of the blue.

[00:03:50] Number three, mistreatment.

[00:03:53] Unfortunately, it happens frequently, especially with men, that they start sweet and kind,

[00:03:59] and later on, they become loud and abusive.

[00:04:02] Violence is, of course, the most extreme case.

[00:04:06] Very often the partner suddenly changes their behavior in ways that cannot be tolerated anymore by the other one.

[00:04:12] Good examples are narcotic and alcohol abuse.

[00:04:15] The partner finds that they are very disappointed and lose their love because their basic needs aren't provided anymore.

[00:04:22] The relationship isn't fulfilling and healthy.

[00:04:25] Conclusion

[00:04:26] The knowledge of the three reasons why people can fall out of love can be helpful to us.

[00:04:32] They can teach us how to behave correctly at the beginning of a relationship.

[00:04:36] We have to have realistic expectations about love and relationships.

[00:04:40] And most of all, we have to be who we are right from the beginning.

[00:04:44] Make clear what your needs are despite the risk that your new partner might not love it.

[00:04:50] Pretending and cutting back your basic needs will only draw a false picture of you.

[00:04:54] A picture which will fade with time and possibly make your partner eventually fall out of love with you.

[00:05:01] Would you take that risk?

[00:05:02] I won't.

[00:05:03] Your friend, Eddie Corbano.

[00:05:09] You just listened to the post titled,

[00:05:12] Suddenly Out of Love, How Did It Happen?

[00:05:15] By Eddie Corbano of lovesagame.com

[00:05:19] And a really great post from Eddie today.

[00:05:22] Thanks so much to him.

[00:05:23] A very eye-opening post too, that really may be more helpful to those who are entering a relationship than those who are going through a breakup.

[00:05:30] And I say that because, just like anything else, it's important to highlight the downsides of new and exciting relationships.

[00:05:38] I know that sounds weird.

[00:05:39] But like he said, it's just so easy to idealize and jump to all that we want to happen.

[00:05:45] Well, what about everything that we don't want to happen?

[00:05:47] What about the types of baggage our partners come with?

[00:05:51] What do we disagree on?

[00:05:52] How do our routines differ?

[00:05:54] It is not pessimistic to ask such questions.

[00:05:58] But rather, it prepares you for what life will be like when things settle into normal.

[00:06:02] And there are portions of the relationship that aren't entirely perfect.

[00:06:06] Which of those are you willing to tolerate?

[00:06:08] And which of those are you not willing to tolerate?

[00:06:11] The faster we can identify which of our partners' flaws we can accept versus which of their flaws we can't,

[00:06:17] the more grounded the relationship will become, and the easier it'll be to grow slowly and steadily,

[00:06:24] rather than experiencing an emotional roller coaster.

[00:06:27] Food for thought, lovebirds.

[00:06:29] I'm out of here for now.

[00:06:30] But thanks a lot for joining me today for this great post from Eddie.

[00:06:33] And I'm wishing all of you a great start to your week.

[00:06:36] Be sure to come on back tomorrow where I will have another post for you to help you through those relationships,

[00:06:40] and where your optimal life awaits.

[00:06:43] So, indeed...

[00:06:43] Let's go!

[00:06:43] ...