2421: Parenting a Middle Schooler: Have a Laugh on Me: Even Psychologists Struggle by Jodie Eckleberry-Hunt

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Parenting a Middle Schooler, Have a Laugh on Me, Even Psychologists Struggle by Jodie Eckleberry-Hunt of JodieEckleberryHunt.com

[00:00:13] My oldest son started middle school a week and a half ago. I expected it to be awful, but it's been so easy. Wonderful, in fact.

[00:00:21] A friend of mine who has older children told me to watch out, because sickness soon sets in because the kids are exposed to a whole new group of viruses.

[00:00:31] Sure enough, that same day, both my kids start up with a cold. I still felt good about the transition. That is, until last night.

[00:00:39] During work, I got an email from the principal, reminding me that open house was that night. I'd forgotten.

[00:00:45] I scarfed down dinner, and luckily, my husband got home to watch the kids so I could attend.

[00:00:50] I work 30 to 35 hours a week. How do parents who work 40 plus hours do it? God bless them.

[00:00:58] I learned that open house involved the parents following the kids' schedules, spending five minutes with each teacher.

[00:01:04] It started with gym class. The poor teacher says that she is now required to do a pre- and post-test on each gym topic she teaches.

[00:01:13] WTF? I thought gym was about giving kids exercise. When did it become about taking tests? Whatever.

[00:01:21] Then, parents start asking questions like, what topics do you cover? Again, WTF. It's not that I think exercise science isn't important,

[00:01:31] but I'm more into actually exercising during the limited time in gym. I quickly move on to the next class.

[00:01:38] I'll tell you that the next few sessions were a bit of a blur. The teachers were telling the parents to sign up for Remind.

[00:01:45] They said, I won't spend time on that because I'm sure you already know about it. WTF?

[00:01:50] At this point, I don't even know what Remind is and am busy trying to find it in the app store.

[00:01:55] Then, I hear about signing up for Synergy to communicate with the school.

[00:01:59] I learn that I need to look at Synergy now to see grades already posted. I'm able to do that, and I see that my son has two A pluses, a D, and an E.

[00:02:09] O-M-G-W-T-F. School just started.

[00:02:14] I'm fading in and out at this point. I begin to digest the message that my worth as a parent is going to be measured by my ability to get this semi-feral animal,

[00:02:24] a.k.a. my son, to complete and turn in his assignments. This would be a full-time job.

[00:02:30] I had been over the moon because I'd got him out of bed to school on time and to put on deodorant without a fight for six straight days.

[00:02:37] At this point, I realize there's no escape. The same message is being communicated by every teacher.

[00:02:43] I find myself gazing around the room. I am fantasizing that there will be some alcohol served at any moment.

[00:02:50] I look at the other parents. Some look catatonic. Some look confused. I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

[00:02:55] Still, other parents look excited and happy. I wonder what medication regimen they're on. Note to self.

[00:03:02] I also note how many chairs are in the rooms. There are a lot of kids in each class.

[00:03:08] While I'm only responsible for the one wild animal, I feel empathy for the teachers who have to manage a room full

[00:03:14] and have to meet all of the requirements associated with the curriculum.

[00:03:18] I want to say here that I think lawmakers have lost sight of the point of education.

[00:03:23] But that is another blog.

[00:03:26] Then, one teacher says,

[00:03:28] I know some parents think,

[00:03:30] Okay, my child is in middle school. They need to start doing things for themselves.

[00:03:35] The parents leave the kids to self-manage. I urge you not to do that.

[00:03:39] This was my whole plan. WTF was I going to do now?

[00:03:44] By the time I reached the last session, I was ready to run for the door.

[00:03:48] When I got home, my son asks,

[00:03:50] Didn't you think Mrs. X was mean? She's always giving me the stink eye.

[00:03:55] I said, OMG, she was my favorite.

[00:03:58] She said she doesn't give homework. She plans to teach you a bunch of cool stuff.

[00:04:02] She started by saying that she didn't have a lot to say, and then she let us go early.

[00:04:06] He replied, but she yells all the time.

[00:04:10] I said, I am sure that poor woman has to yell to get through to the class.

[00:04:16] I asked him about the deficient grades, and he had a convincing excuse,

[00:04:21] similar to the d*** dealer who gets caught with a large stash and has a perfectly understandable explanation.

[00:04:27] I went to bed and had terrible nightmares and a fitful sleep.

[00:04:31] The biggest button I had was pushed.

[00:04:34] I value my kids slash family above all else.

[00:04:37] Their well-being is top priority.

[00:04:40] Education is also among my top five values.

[00:04:43] I am achievement-oriented.

[00:04:45] I just heard all that I had to do as a parent to ensure my child's success,

[00:04:49] and it involved me controlling him.

[00:04:51] I never have full control as a baseline.

[00:04:55] All I have is influence.

[00:04:57] Attempts to control come at a high cost.

[00:04:59] Efforts to control equals hearing,

[00:05:01] you are the worst mother ever, you are such a jerk.

[00:05:04] Then, my younger son snickers, and a brawl ensues at the dinner table.

[00:05:09] I revoke privileges equals more yelling equals everyone is unhappy.

[00:05:13] I note that the school has multiple unrestrained methods to contact me,

[00:05:18] including automated calls, emails, and text reminders for each class.

[00:05:23] I wondered, how did my mom do it?

[00:05:26] For starters, she was clueless.

[00:05:28] There was no texting or emails.

[00:05:30] Parents were only contacted if their child was throwing spitballs at the teacher.

[00:05:35] She lived in ignorant bliss, which is where I was the last week and a half, and I was happy there.

[00:05:41] Today, I got out of bed and said, no more.

[00:05:44] I must move on.

[00:05:46] It will all work out because it has to work out.

[00:05:49] I will give what I can, but I will not helicopter.

[00:05:53] I will not be codependent with my son.

[00:05:55] How is he supposed to learn how to manage himself if I am always doing it for him?

[00:06:00] I noted that he got himself out of bed on his own this morning.

[00:06:03] He fed himself, did his drum practice, and started on some online math practice without prompting.

[00:06:09] I gave him a hug and was incredibly thankful.

[00:06:12] If I felt as overwhelmed as I did last night, I can only imagine how he must feel.

[00:06:17] It was good for me to experience that.

[00:06:20] I see him through new eyes today.

[00:06:22] In that respect, it was a good experience.

[00:06:25] I guess my points are, A, there is usually a silver lining.

[00:06:29] B, my job is to be the best parent I know how to be, which is not always what others tell me to do.

[00:06:35] C, it is okay to feel sorry for myself for a little while, but I need to limit that time.

[00:06:41] And D, kids are amazing people, capable of amazing things, lest we forget.

[00:06:52] You just listened to the post titled, Parenting a Middle Schooler.

[00:06:56] Have a Laugh on Me.

[00:06:57] Even Psychologists Struggle.

[00:06:59] By Jodi Eccleberry Hunt of JodiEccleberryHunt.com

[00:07:04] It was funny how she mentioned her mother being in a sort of bliss, not knowing what went on at school for the most part.

[00:07:10] So she, like Jodi, was sure that she was doing a good job as a parent and hadn't been aware of much of what was going on at school.

[00:07:19] Had she found out, she might have been in a mini frenzy like Jodi was upon learning about all these methods and policies in place that she didn't know about previously.

[00:07:28] That still wouldn't have changed the fact that she was doing well though.

[00:07:32] And Jodi learning about these parts of her child's education system that she was behind on doesn't mean that she's not being a good parent.

[00:07:39] The best she knows how to be.

[00:07:41] The moral of the story?

[00:07:43] Learning about things you haven't been doing to help grow something doesn't mean that you weren't growing it well before.

[00:07:50] It's always crucial to meet these new lessons with receptivity and curiosity as opposed to self-judgment.

[00:07:57] And on that very all-encompassing note, we are going to wrap this one up everyone.

[00:08:03] Thank you so much for being here, my friends.

[00:08:05] And I do hope you stop in for the next one.

[00:08:07] So, I'll see you there, where your optimal life awaits.