2453: [Part 1] Single Mom Dating Tips by Karen Stanley on The Importance of Self-Worth, Sober Judgment and Recognizing Red Flags

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 1 by Karen Stanley of MrsKarenStanley.com

[00:00:29] Looking for helpful single mom dating tips? Perfect. Let's talk dating. I was a single mom for a thousand years. Okay, eight. I went on lots of dates. Then I would lose hope in humanity and take man-o-pauses as my brilliant friend Lindsay called them. Yeah, I had a lot of fun. But I didn't meet anyone who wanted what I really wanted. And I would get really frustrated and stay home for a year or two in a row.

[00:00:55] After a while, I decided to put myself out there and give it another go. It wasn't easy trying to navigate dating and try to have your own life while raising kids alone and running a business. Dating really wasn't my top priority most of the time. But after a while, I was lonely. I wanted love. I wanted to have a partner. And I made every freaking mistake you can make.

[00:01:21] So, I thought I'd put together a little list of tips and things I wish I would have known and things I wish I would have done differently that would have made my life a lot less painful. I was with my first husband for about ten years. And I know a lot of you moms were together with your husbands for a long time and maybe dating for the first time in a long time. I hardly dated at all before I got married the first time. So, the second time around was nuts. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

[00:01:49] So, here's what I wish I would have done differently. First, the very first time you meet someone, schedule it during the day. Either lunch or coffee. I wish I had just done Starbucks for every person I ever met because you don't want beer goggles. Unless you want beer goggles. If you have beer goggles on, chances are the guy is not going to be amazing once you sober up. From my experience. Everyone seems really nice and really cute after a couple of martinis, right?

[00:02:17] So, when you first meet someone, you want to be completely sober so you can pay attention to the signs that I missed a lot. Red flags were thrown all over the place. But I couldn't see them after a drink or six. Second, never reach out to them. Ever. Never follow up with a man. If he doesn't follow up with you, he's not interested nor worth your time. Period.

[00:02:42] I fell for this so many times. We'd have a good time and they'd say, let's do this again. No matter if they wanted to or not. Or even worse, he would schedule another date with me, not follow up with me, and I already had a babysitter. That happened to me twice that I can remember. The first time I was supposed to meet the guy on Sunday night and I had gotten a babysitter. So, instead of ignoring him and saying goodbye forever like I should have done, I reached out to him and said, hey, are we still on?

[00:03:12] Wrong. Because ladies, if someone wants you, they will not forget a date. They will always follow up with you. They want to take you out. They'll make sure you're coming and they'll confirm where and what time. And if they don't, they do not want you and they are not worth your time. So, because I reached out, guess what his response was? Oh, sorry. Well, uh, I was going to have a drink with my roommate. Guess what I did? I invited myself to be the third wheel. I wish it weren't true.

[00:03:41] I said, oh, okay, great. Well, I already got a babysitter, so why don't we all go out for a drink? I just wanted a break. He was communicating by his non-actions to me that A, he didn't want to take me out on a date. B, he didn't want to spend the money or effort on me. C, he would rather hang out with his roommate than me. I ignored it, like an idiot. So, I just said I would meet them wherever they were going. Yeah, desperate.

[00:04:11] It didn't seem like it at the time. I thought he was fun and I just wanted to go have fun and I already got a babysitter. Remember, I didn't meet someone who was real and loyal and true to his word until I didn't need a break from single momhood. To be continued. You just listened to part one of the post titled Single Mom Dating Tips by Karen Stanley of MrsKarenStanley.com.

[00:04:41] And a powerful note to end on by Karen there, prefaced by some very frank personal experiences. I love how she's left a cliffhanger by establishing the value of non-attachment. It's like this in all areas of life, isn't it? Things tend to flow much more naturally in the direction we want them to when we are unattached to certain outcomes.

[00:05:02] And rather, allowing ourselves to accept things with the confidence that our power to accommodate is stronger than whatever power any circumstance could have over us. It might not be truer anywhere than in dating. So, great to see Karen going down this route in part one. Can't wait to hear part two tomorrow as we are looking ahead towards a strong finish. So, if you feel the same, come on back for that one, everyone. Where your optimal life awaits.