2454: [Part 2] Single Mom Dating Tips by Karen Stanley on Self-Respect and Clarity in Relationships

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 2 by Karen Stanley of MrsKarenStanley.com

[00:00:29] Trust in the Strategy So that's really the whole point of my strategy, is to create a life you love so much that you don't need a break and waste your time with dudes who couldn't care less about you. So learn from me. Third, if and only if after the first date, only if you really want to see him again, then that's the only time you just say,

[00:00:54] thank you, great to meet you, blah, blah, blah. That's it. It's kind of the same thing. Don't reach out after that. Have him come to you.

[00:01:34] I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm going to be a little bit more. But he didn't put in any effort. And when someone puts in zero effort at the very beginning, the effort only gets less and less as time goes by. Having the person who is actually going to pursue you and make an effort to see you is really important. I always visualized my real husband saying, I love you. You're coming with me. He doesn't want anybody to date me. He wants me all to himself. He wants to fill up my calendar. I visualized that.

[00:02:03] However, I thought I liked this one teacher that didn't follow up with me. And I was already out and I already had a babysitter. I should have gone home, gotten a couple more hours of sleep. I could have woken up earlier to be with my babies. Alas, I didn't. If you want to know what someone's intentions are, look at what he does. Before we even went on our first date, John had already asked me out for the second date. He was filling up my calendar.

[00:02:30] Then a day later, I told him I was going out of town. So John booked a flight to Austin that second because he wanted to come see me sing. He wanted to spend his weekend with me. He had no idea I could sing. He didn't know I sang professionally and had no idea I had a YouTube channel and that I had studied vocal performance in college. He booked a ticket thinking I was singing in a choir. So that's the kind of man you want. They take action. They fill up your calendar. They want to have you all to themselves.

[00:03:00] You're a one in a million beautiful, amazing woman, and you need a man who treats you like that. The last dating tip for single moms is to pay attention to what he's asking specifically. What is he asking about? What is he curious about? Does he actually listen when you are talking to him? I had a lot of dates go, oh, so tell me about your kids. It was almost like this ceremonious question to get the kids out of the way.

[00:03:28] Then they talk about themselves. That is a huge red flag. They don't want someone with kids. They want to take me out anyway, just in case something something happens because that's what they really want. However, you're always going to find what you're putting out into the universe. In those days when I wanted a break from single momhood and I wanted to have some drinks and have some fun, that's exactly who I attracted. They didn't want any commitment. They didn't want to date me.

[00:03:54] They didn't want me to be their girlfriend. They just wanted to take me out and see what they could get out of me. And so if you look for the red flags, the number one thing I think is not listening about who you are because they don't really want to know. They might want to get you in bed, but that's it. And they don't want to put in any effort. Huge red flag. And then you just know. And then when you learn something, you come home and write it on your soulmate list.

[00:04:21] I would come home and write, my soulmate listens attentively. He cares about every single thing about me. My soulmate cares about my children and wants to be in their lives. And he wants to help them and support them and be a good example for them. I wrote those things down because I experienced the opposite in dates. And you see these red flags, then you can update your soulmate list and edit it and read it again and confirm to yourself

[00:04:51] that even though you met someone who is the opposite of the person you want to marry and you deserve to be with, then you can read and edit and pray that your soulmate is manifesting you and is wonderful, wishing you lots of love and run from red flags. You just listened to part two of the post titled Single Mom Dating Tips by Karen Stanley of MrsKarenStanley.com.

[00:05:20] And thanks again to Karen for a great post today for all of the single moms out there. I think what this post really boils down to is self-respect, right? And unfortunately, if we're in a place where we feel as though we are lacking something that others clearly want, it's hard to have that self-respect all the time. Single mothers may have a lot to be proud of and higher priorities than those they're dating. But if they feel as though they're at a disadvantage somehow by being mothers,

[00:05:48] it's easy to bend one's own values if it means getting a leg up in the dating world and having a lot of options. But Karen reminds us not to do that, as instead it has the opposite effect. Maybe more quantity, but definitely less quality. So a post like this really helps single moms to go into dating with a blueprint of what they deserve and what's appropriate. And it's helpful to have that type of ally if you feel as though the rest of the dating world is in on something you're not.

[00:06:16] There are other single moms out there navigating the dating world and doing so successfully, and you can be one of them too. But bending on your own rules is not going to help in the long run. And if you want love rather than fun, the long run is something to consider more seriously. So thanks a lot to Karen for allowing us to read this two-parter between today and yesterday. I will be back with you tomorrow. Can't wait to see you all there, guys, where your optimal life awaits. In the next one. I'll get it. In the next one. Okay.