2455: Thanks, Mom and Dad by Tynan on The Transformative Impact of a Nurturing Upbringing

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Thanks, Mom and Dad by Tynan of Tynan.com

[00:00:26] My mom once joked that I make her look like my enemy on my blog. The force that I rebelled against as a youngster was my parents, so they get painted as the opposition sometimes. I'm proud of this rebellious streak and attribute some of my success to it, but I also know that I would have none of what I have if it wasn't for them.

[00:00:46] Even ignoring the all trumping donation of their genetic material, my parents, along with the rest of my family, are unquestionably the biggest positive force in my life. Although it doesn't usually make it into sappy blog posts like this one, the truth is that every single day I think about how incredibly lucky I am to have such incredible parents. If I dwell on the thought too long, I find myself fighting back tears of gratitude.

[00:01:12] As someone who enjoys a huge degree of personal freedom, I am only now beginning to be able to comprehend the sacrifices that my parents have made for me. I was a difficult child even before I was born, giving my mother 36 hours of labor before finally popping out into the world. From that time until long after I left the house, she and my father put my needs above their own.

[00:01:35] It's fair to say that for most or all of that time, I didn't realize how profound this sacrifice was, let alone acknowledge it. My mother taught me to eat healthily long before I would accept it or even entertain the idea. Despite my immature ridiculing of it and the high cost, she continued to buy organic vegetables to feed my siblings and I. Until seeing what was in other people's fridges and actually grocery shopping for myself,

[00:02:01] I didn't realize how much more difficult and expensive it was to feed us healthy food. She also prohibited us from watching TV other than educational shows. I hated this and fought it, only to be told that I would someday be glad. She was right. The productive time I have now for programming and writing, which otherwise may have been spent on a TV addiction, I owe to her. Sure. Mom also taught me to be stubborn and independent.

[00:02:27] I'm sure she regretted passing this particular trait down during our frequent arguments about school, but I'm glad to have the ability to stand my ground now. My father always did everything around the house by himself. He knocked down walls, rewired houses, fixed appliances, and plumbed things. I doubt we ever called a serviceman of any type. More than the technical skills and hand-me-down tools my father gave me,

[00:02:52] he taught me that it was okay to tackle a project without quite knowing how I'd be able to finish it. It took me a while to fully appreciate it, but he also taught me that it was important to do things well. With him, nothing was ever slapped together haphazardly. He also has an amazing ability to put aside his own biases and be unconditionally supportive. Before my friends and I bought our school bus, he told me not to do it and warned that it was a big mistake.

[00:03:20] But once I defied him and bought it anyway, he helped make sure it wasn't a mistake by showing up with snacks and a trunk full of tools. Once we'd finish one part of the project, he would be the first one to say, okay, what's next, and keep things moving. Together, my parents created a household full of love and almost devoid of conflict. Indeed, any conflict I can think of was created by myself. I never saw my parents fight until close to the end of their marriage, well into my adulthood.

[00:03:50] Even that separation was done amicably. My parents have always encouraged me to be independent and allowed me to follow my own path. When I was invited to go to Taiwan for the summer with my friend Charlie, they let me go. When I began to be interested in computers, my mom bought me a stack of computer books that I read cover to cover, and my dad built a wall-to-wall counter in my room to hold the four computers I bought at neighborhood yard sales.

[00:04:16] Even though my parents were upset when I dropped out of school and became a professional gambler, they eventually accepted my decision and even allowed me to gamble under their names. With no condescension or resentment, they gave me the rest of my college money, knowing I would invest it in gambling. They always allowed me to make my own decisions. When, at 20, and funded only through gambling money, I wanted to buy a house, they let me get a home equity loan on their house, since I didn't have the credit for a mortgage.

[00:04:44] I don't think I've ever received such an unequivocal display of faith. I can share little anecdotes, but I'm finding it impossible to articulate the immense gratitude I have for my parents, for the perfect childhood they gave me, and for the amazing siblings I shared it with. I've seen so many people whose lives seem to be spent reconciling events that took place in their childhood, an obstacle I've been spared.

[00:05:09] I know that whatever I've done with my life has only been possible thanks to the foundation put in place by my parents, and that only a small part of my happiness is truly due to my own effort. Thanks, Mom and Dad. You just listened to the post titled, Thanks, Mom and Dad, by Tynan of Tynan.com. And a great reflective piece from Tynan today. Thanks a lot for the gratitude and detail he expressed in this one.

[00:05:39] While this style isn't so typical of the parenting content we usually end our weeks with, it's my hope that listeners today, parents or not, can insert themselves into this piece. If you're a parent, consider these examples Tynan is listing as what shaped him and contributed to him always holding his parents in high regard. Are you actively following suit for your kids? Are you fulfilling these duties to ensure that your child will find themselves equally grateful for you when they're adults?

[00:06:08] And if you're not a parent, have you considered these types of things Tynan mentions here, and more, to develop as much gratitude as possible for your parents? Now, surely not everyone has had or will have as blessed a childhood as Tynan, but all too often children who grow up to be adults embittered by their parents' treatment of them neglect to think about what their parents were going through and how they might have been trying harder than it seemed or were simply misguided as to what it meant to be as good of a parent as possible.

[00:06:38] So, it's never too late to recognize that our parents have flaws too, and that, like anyone else, they're likely doing the best with the information and experiences that they had to believe in. We're all through though. Thanks a lot for joining me today and listening through the end. Have a great rest of your day, and I'll see you again tomorrow for both our regularly scheduled episode and our Sunday bonus episode. That's where your optimal life awaits. We'll see you again tomorrow for a while.