2459: [Part 1] 10 Signs Of Toxic Self-Awareness & How It Can Destroy Relationships by Orit Krug on Dating Advice

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily 10 Signs Of Toxic Self-Awareness And How It Can Destroy Relationships, Part 1 by Orit Krug of OritKrug.com If someone you know practices great self-awareness, it's probably best to praise and respect the hard work they're doing, right? Not always. A surprising number of people are practicing self-awareness in a way that's actually counterproductive and harmful to their healing.

[00:00:29] In fact, the pursuit of self-awareness can become such a toxic behavior that digs people deeper and deeper into a hole and pushes their loved ones away. Otherwise known as toxic self-awareness, it begins as a healthy coping tool, like going for a run. But then, it crosses the line into obsession, where you need the daily run in order to feel okay. After a stressful day, it feels good to find that perfect quote on Instagram that speaks to your soul.

[00:00:57] You think, someone out there gets me. And suddenly, you don't feel so alone in this world. At some point, however, the quotes aren't enough. There must be a legitimate explanation, you think, as you search for clarity on why you repeatedly blow up with your partner or have debilitating anxiety at work. Suddenly, you realize you went down a research rabbit hole and it's 3am, you've got work in 5 hours, and you feel worse than when you began looking for answers.

[00:01:55] The search for self-awareness can be a toxic behavior when cognitive understanding creates more stress in our lives and relationships. Journaling, visualizations, and researching articles are helpful, in moderation. However, it becomes a problem when the mind becomes obsessed with gaining more information and buying the latest courses, all while the body stays paralyzed in the same patterns. First, let's discuss how our brains process new information,

[00:02:24] and how our bodies respond to trauma in order to break down how self-awareness becomes toxic. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that gets activated when we talk and think about the past, make decisions about the future, and process the research we do about our unhealthy patterns. However, scientific studies show that the prefrontal cortex goes offline when we experience trauma. Thus, the trauma gets stored in the body and nonverbal parts of our brain instead.

[00:02:53] Even when we become more aware of who we are through information and self-reflection, our bodies can still stay trapped with the trauma that's stored deep inside. When we become addicted to finding answers, peeling layer after layer, we get stuck in our intellectual brains instead of activating the body to release old trauma. Our bodies are the vehicles for which we behave, act, and interact in the world. If our bodies are frozen, then we cannot change our patterns.

[00:03:22] Therefore, repeating intellectual exercises instead of embodying the changes creates the illusion that we're healing and growing, when in reality, nothing changes. Here's an example. You make a plan and even practice a script to use nicer words to your partner the next time you get upset. While your mind knows exactly what you want to say, your body still reacts and yells out harmful words. The research and planning that you did went completely out the window.

[00:03:52] The self-awareness you had did not create a change in your situation. This is toxic self-awareness. Intellectual self-awareness that keeps us disconnected from our bodies and stuck in old trauma. What was once helpful to understand and normalize our trauma is now an addictive behavior that keeps us stuck in the past. Toxic self-awareness is most common amongst trauma survivors who have the deepest intentions to heal their past,

[00:04:19] but don't realize that their bodies are too frozen to follow through with the necessary behaviors to move forward. Perhaps you've done the initial work of becoming aware and identifying your trauma, but then you get stuck by obsessively learning about it. Do you think you might be suffering from toxic self-awareness? Here are 10 signs. 1. You're constantly trying to figure yourself out. Your body is physically present during social gatherings or at work,

[00:04:47] but you're not really there. Your mind is constantly working through endless layers of trying to understand why you are the way you are. Instead of being able to enjoy the moment with your loved ones, you're often in your head, wondering why you feel judged about something silly, or you try to understand the reason why you feel like running away from your present situation. Even if you tell yourself to just be present,

[00:05:12] you often feel an overwhelming sensation in your body wanting to shut down and escape. 2. You overanalyze your relationship. Your partner might surprise you with dessert on their way home, but instead of appreciating how much they went to to make you happy, you question why they're being so nice. Maybe they're covering up something hurtful that they've done. You're aware that you reject and question your partner's acts of love because you have a fear of abandonment.

[00:05:40] You can even pinpoint the times in your past when something nice was used as a peace offering for something horrific done to you. Even when you know logically that your partner has never done anything horrible, like the people who betrayed you in the past, you're still unable to release this fear and enjoy being adored in your relationship today. 3. You repeat affirmations, but you don't believe them. It's one thing to repeat affirmations and remind yourself why you are worthy of love.

[00:06:09] It's a whole different experience to truly feel that love in your body, perhaps through your skin tingling or the sensation of butterflies dancing around your heart. You may feel numb as you repeat affirmations that you deserve to be heard, and then stay quiet in the moment of confrontation with loved ones. Your mind knows how you want to feel and behave differently, but your body feels too heavy, frozen, or reactive to follow through with the aligned behaviors.

[00:06:37] 4. You're addicted to finding quotes on social media. You find yourself scrolling through your social media feeds for hours. You often don't realize you just spent the last two hours looking at quotes and getting lost in the comment sections. On one hand, it feels good to absorb the information that fuels you with hope that you can change. But once you come back to your body, you realize that you've been holding an enormous amount of tension in your shoulders, and you feel physically worse.

[00:07:06] If you constantly look for relief through positive and inspirational quotes, but your body remains numb and stuck, then the quotes are not fulfilling their true intention to inspire you to take action. 5. You vent to anyone and everyone who will listen. You repeatedly tell the same stories about your past, and vent about the same exact issues to anyone who will listen. You're aware that you're secretly hoping someone else will give you the answer and clarity you need.

[00:07:34] Even when you get the answers that you want, the relief is so elusive that you're on the hunt again for the next person who can give you the next dose of reassurance. It's perfectly healthy and normal to vent to your friends, but it's important to notice when it becomes a compulsive act of desperation. To be continued. You just listened to part one of the post titled, 10 Signs of Toxic Self-Awareness and How It Can Destroy Relationships

[00:08:04] by Orit Krug of oritkrug.com And thanks so much to Orit for a wonderful start to this really interesting article. Definitely a viewpoint that we wouldn't often take, which I always appreciate. I'll save most of my commentary for tomorrow's part two, as I usually do for these doubleheaders. Really looking forward to the rest tomorrow, so do come back for that everybody. Have a great rest of your day, and I hope to see you all back here tomorrow

[00:08:30] for the continuation of this post, and where your optimal life awaits. Just a moment from the outset of the post, I'm going to get a moment from the post. I have the opportunity to see you all back here in the post. Thank you.