2460: [Part 2] 10 Signs Of Toxic Self-Awareness & How It Can Destroy Relationships by Orit Krug on How To Be A Better Human

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily 10 Signs Of Toxic Self-Awareness And How It Can Destroy Relationships, Part 2 by Orit Krug of oritkrug.com 6. You Regularly Have Mind-Blowing Realizations You've been successful at gathering the information you need to reach clarity, and it feels like you're finally making a breakthrough.

[00:00:25] But when it comes down to the pattern you want to break in your relationships, career, and other areas of your life, nothing has shifted. For instance, you have a massive realization that you're unable to speak up to your boss because your father shut you down every time you asked for something. This has made you feel that you're too much, and you learned that it's safer to be quiet. With this new awareness, you decide that you're going to speak up to your boss the next time.

[00:00:51] But your body freezes up in the moment, and the pattern of hiding repeats. It's true that we each need time to process new realizations in order to put them into action. But that's different than consistently reaching cognitive breakthroughs without being able to make a change. 7. Trauma Research Has Become An Obsession You've been down the rabbit hole many times. You've spent countless nights glued to your laptop and couch.

[00:01:19] You're guilty of having tab shame, where you have over 25 tabs open in your browser at the same time. You know all about the polyvagal theory, attachment trauma, and the nuances of how the brain and nervous system respond to triggers. But as much as you understand intellectually, your body and nervous system still react to old triggers as if the trauma from the past is still happening today. 8. You Run Through The Same Scripts In Your Head

[00:01:47] There's a broken record inside your mind playing out the same scenarios of what went wrong and what you could have said differently. Maybe about a relationship breakup or a disagreement with a family member. No matter how many times you've run through the scene and understand how you could have responded better, you still put yourself down for how you handled things. The awareness does not provide relief, it just makes you feel worse and more regretful.

[00:02:13] 9. Your Journal Entries Look Almost Identical From Day to Day You write about the same issues and conclude with the same resolution each time you journal your thoughts. At the end of each entry, you have a sense of motivation and hope as you understand what you need to do differently. Despite a sense of inspiration and awareness, you repeatedly come back to your journal with the same issues and little or no change in your physical reality.

[00:02:40] 10. You're Caught Up On All The New Age Definitions You can identify your exact attachment style, love language, and anything else that puts a list of symptoms in a neat metaphorical box. You're even aware of how it all connects back to your childhood trauma. But you still look for more information and learn new terms that tell you the same thing, just in a different shiny box.

[00:03:03] No matter how many new definitions you find, you tie them back to the same memories of unresolved trauma, attachment issues, and low self-esteem. Putting a different term on these core issues has not made them go away. If you identify with any of these signs, then you might be suffering from toxic self-awareness. Instead of staying stuck in your newfound awareness, let's talk about how you can shift this subtly unhealthy habit.

[00:03:30] Here are some body-centered and movement techniques you can use to practice healthy self-awareness. 1. Stay Connected To Your Body Whenever You Learn New Information Notice any sensations that arise in your body as you take in new information. Do you feel a heated energy rising through your body? Do your shoulders become tense? Maybe you even notice that you haven't felt anything in your body for the last five minutes. That's okay.

[00:03:56] As soon as you notice, bring your attention back to your body and see what else comes up. The more you shift your attention back to your body, the more likely you are to break the pattern of being consumed by your thoughts. When you train your brain to stay connected to your body through different thought patterns, you gain more power to access your body in situations where you've previously lost control. 2. Use Intuitive Movement To Process New Realizations

[00:04:24] If a visual quote makes you feel hopeful, how can you put that into a dance? You might put on an inspirational playlist and move what it feels like to break through anxious thoughts. This allows your body to become more involved instead of staying numb while continuing to scroll your feed. On the flip side, if you notice that your body is tightening up as you go down a rabbit hole of research, stop yourself right there. Put on some gentle music to soften your body and release the tension.

[00:04:52] You could also shake it out and make big exhalations to let go of stress. There is no right or wrong way to follow your intuition through movement. Just tune in and see how your body wants to respond. 3. Pick One Movement or Pose To Help You Stay Safe and Present in Your Body What is one movement or pose that makes you feel secure in your body? Maybe it's a gentle sway or simply putting your hands on your heart.

[00:05:17] This will be your safety movement, similar to a security blanket or stuffed animal that a child carries around to feel safe no matter where they go. To do this, pick one movement or pose that you can use to stay present in your body as you're reading a new article or listening to a podcast. Then, bring the same exact movement to the specific situation you want to change.

[00:05:38] This will remind your body and mind that you are safe, which will help you stay present and follow through with the behavior you want to choose instead of disconnecting or dissociating. For instance, when reading an article on speaking up to your boss, you might choose to subtly squeeze your hands into a fist. Then, when it's time to ask for a raise, you can do the same movement to stay strong in your body instead of chickening out.

[00:06:03] In sum, toxic self-awareness can creep up on us even when we have the best intentions to heal from past traumas and relieve stress in our lives today. Staying in the cognitive realm of learning, reading, and other intellectual methods of gathering information can serve as a sneaky defense mechanism against connecting to our bodies, which is necessary to heal and grow.

[00:06:25] If you want your self-awareness to create change in your life, it's crucial to identify if you're falling into an addictive pattern of gathering information that numbs your body from taking action. Once you integrate this self-awareness with your body's behaviors, you can break your obsession with finding new information and experience an indescribable sense of freedom as you finally leave the past behind you. You have all the self-awareness you need.

[00:06:50] Now, it's time to inhabit new patterns through your body and experience the lasting shift that you deserve. You just listened to part two of the post titled, 10 Signs of Toxic Self-Awareness and How It Can Destroy Relationships by Orit Krug of oritkrug.com. And what an incredible post from Orit over these last couple of episodes. Very, very grateful for this one.

[00:07:19] It's hard for me to think that the themes of this article aren't going to become increasingly important and applicable over time. The more information we have and choose to utilize, yes, we equip ourselves more. But we also become more apt to finding things that are quote-unquote wrong with ourselves. While all of this research Orit alludes to is great for arming us with knowledge, it also contributes to our fragility.

[00:07:44] As we find links between our experiences and what we read, and quickly diagnose ourselves or convince ourselves of problems that we weren't previously bothered by. So really, when we do spend too much time researching trauma or the like, we put ourselves at risk of not only relying on the research in favor of change, but finding new reasons to fix ourselves or make time for pain that we've now manufactured and wasn't necessarily there before.

[00:08:12] Some call this awareness, but there is a line between knowing more and harming your ability to cope. So a really important reminder from Orit to make time for research, but still prioritize healthy aligned action. And it looks like she has a lot of great ideas and resources for creating that action. Definitely worth checking her site out. But that's going to do it for today. Thanks again to Orit for a truly wonderful post, one of my favorites that I've read here, I think. Wishing you all a wonderful rest of the day.

[00:08:41] And do be sure to come on back tomorrow for another post, another episode of ORD, and where your optimal life awaits.