2467: Is it Time to Leave Your Relationship? AND Before You Get Out of Bed: 7 Ways to Be Happy All Day By Shana Olmstead

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Is it Time to Leave Your Relationship? By Shana Olmstead of shanaolmstead.com.

[00:00:28] If you are listening to this, you probably have some questions about your relationship. You may have questioned it from the beginning and ignored your intuition. Maybe you are becoming more and more aware of problems between you and your partner. A betrayal or crisis may have occurred that has changed the relationship. Anytime these questions come up, they present an opportunity to examine the role you are playing in your relationship and grow in the process. Ignoring Your Intuition

[00:00:56] We usually come into our relationships with some emotional baggage from our past. Sometimes we are drawn to partners who aren't good for us because we are unaware of our old baggage. We usually get signs or red flags along the way that we ignore because we think it will get better. For example, if you were raised in a household in which one or both parents were emotionally distant, you may be drawn to an emotionally distant partner.

[00:01:23] You may tell yourself that your partner will probably change. You may have tried many things to fix or change the relationship, but nothing works. Problems are getting worse. Problems are getting worse. Waiting and hoping for someone to change doesn't work. You most likely know this by now, but still don't know what to do. Wishing someone will change and getting angry at them for being who they are doesn't help.

[00:01:52] You've tried to explain to them over and over how you feel, but they just don't get it. You're probably frustrated and confused, thinking, why don't they understand? Crisis happens.

[00:02:04] When we keep trying to make a relationship work without changing the underlying issues, things come to a head. Then conflict or a severe breach is bound to happen. Sometimes it's an affair or another betrayal, or sometimes the feelings of helplessness and loneliness just get too intense to ignore anymore. Should I stay or should I go?

[00:02:25] Leaving a relationship is usually a difficult decision. Nobody wants to hurt someone or be hurt. It can also be a scary thought to be without a relationship partner. Here are some questions to ask yourself when considering whether to leave a relationship. 1. Have I considered my role in the problems? It's very easy to think all problems in the relationship are your partner's fault, but there are always two sides.

[00:02:53] Taking responsibility for your contribution gives you more power and choice. Make a list of things you can do to make the relationship better and try them. 2. Am I clear on what I need from my partner? We don't get what we need out of a relationship if we don't know what we need. Take some time to think about which of your needs are not getting met. Are these needs reasonable? 3. Have I communicated my feelings and needs to my partner?

[00:03:22] Once you are clear on your part and what you need from your partner, it's time to tell them. 4. Is my partner open to discussion and working on the relationship? If the answer is yes, great, you've found a possible potential match. 5. Continue the work on knowing yourself, communicating your needs, and increasing connection. Know that there's hope. As long as each partner is willing to do their own work, things can change.

[00:03:50] If you're still having trouble but want help, please consider couples therapy to work through any leftover problems. If the answer is no, you have another problem. If you have done the previous steps and your partner is not open to communication and change, you may have to consider moving on. Ending relationships is difficult and shouldn't be taken lightly. However, a breakup is always an opportunity to grow and know yourself more as well.

[00:04:17] Questioning your relationship means something needs to change in order for you to feel at peace. The process of change may feel uncomfortable, but being stuck probably feels worse. You deserve to be happy and at peace in or out of a relationship. You don't need to feel stuck anymore. Before you get out of bed, 7 ways to be happy all day by Shana Olmsted of shanaolmsted.com

[00:04:46] How do you usually feel in the morning when you wake up? How intentional are you about how you want to feel for the rest of the day? There are some secrets that happy people know. By adopting some new morning habits, you can set your day up to support happiness. The steps are pretty easy and just take a little time each day. 1. Before jumping out of bed and getting a start on your tasks, take a little time to set your intention for the day.

[00:05:13] It can be too easy to rush into the day with everything you need to get done. Taking a few moments to decide how you want your day to go can make a big difference in how you feel. For example, Today, I decide to be kind to myself. 2. Find something to read that makes you feel inspired and read a bit before getting out of bed. Place a daily inspiring quote book or other spiritual or uplifting text by your bedside table.

[00:05:40] This will remind you of some positive truths and help ground you before you get lost in the daily hustle. 3. Next, take 5 minutes of quiet reflection. Close your eyes, focus on your breath, let your thoughts go, and keep coming back to notice your breath. Just 5 minutes of mindful meditation in the morning has been proven to reduce anxiety and promote well-being throughout the day.

[00:06:06] 4. Before leaving bed, take some time to think of what you're grateful for this day. Writing down 3 things you're grateful for increases a sense of well-being and compassion that will help you feel at peace throughout the rest of the day. 5. Write down positive affirmations. This can increase your motivation and the possibility of bringing what you want into your life. For example, filling a page with the phrase, I am confident, happy, and grounded,

[00:06:36] can rewire your brain and set the tone for a positive and peaceful day. 6. Remind yourself of your strengths and paying attention to them first thing in the morning. You can set yourself up to notice positive things throughout the day. Reminding yourself of the things that make you feel safe, healthy, and connected can help prime your brain to be more aware of the positive things all around you every day.

[00:07:01] 7. The final step is to remind yourself to check in with yourself throughout the day. Promise yourself to notice if anything feels imbalanced so that you can bring yourself back to the peaceful feeling you started the day with. 8. Nurture compassion for yourself if you forget during the day. 9. We all forget sometimes. 9. Practice gently reminding yourself and bringing any worry, fear, or stress back to peace.

[00:07:26] The more you practice with awareness, the more this conscious practice will become an integrated habit and part of who you are. 9. The secret sauce to happiness is awareness of unconscious thoughts and feelings, and the intention of shifting negative thoughts or beliefs to more helpful and supportive ones.

[00:07:53] If you can start your day with the awareness and peace of mind as your goal, you are well on your way to setting up a morning of peaceful awareness. With repetition in practice, this will gradually become a whole day, and over time, a lifetime of more peace, happiness, and joy. You just listened to the post titled, Is It Time to Leave Your Relationship?

[00:08:20] And, Before You Get Out of Bed, 7 Ways to Be Happy All Day. Both by Shana Olmstead of shanaolmstead.com A couple of really great posts by Shana today. I think her words in each of these posts are particularly effective to people in the circumstances she's laid out, those who are unsure of the future of their relationship, and those who are looking to get off to a better start in the morning, respectively. But, that does not mean that these lessons need only apply to those people.

[00:08:50] As with most of the content we read, many of the problems our authors bring solutions to would exist much less frequently if those solutions were exercised in daily life no matter what was going on. For example, constantly questioning the role we play in our relationships, being honest about our needs, and actively listening to our partner's needs, that's something we should be doing all the time. There is no need to only deploy such tactics when the relationship is on the brink of failure.

[00:09:20] So, with these posts and all posts, consider how their lessons can be beneficial to you, even if you've not yet found yourself in the precarious circumstances under which the writing is mostly geared towards. It's been a long one today, friends. So, with that, I am going to wrap this episode up. Thank you so much for being here today and for sticking with me through two wonderful, yet very different posts from the same gifted writer and therapist, Shana Olmsted. We will be back tomorrow to do more of what we do best.

[00:09:49] So, come on back then, where your optimal life awaits. We will be back then.