2472: How to Spot a Financial Manipulator by Christine Luken

[00:00:00] Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another Sunday bonus episode of ORD with me, your host, Greg Audino. And in this week's bonus episode, I'm going to share with you a previous airing from our finance show, Optimal Finance Daily, on which our host there, Diana, will read to you and offer her commentary the same way I normally do on our show. There's a lot to learn in this one about both relationships and finance, so listen closely as we optimize your life.

[00:00:28] How to Spot a Financial Manipulator by Christine Luken of christineluken.com I know how to spot a financial manipulator from a mile away. Being engaged to one back in my 20s gave me a front row seat to the telltale signs. Unfortunately, I didn't know at the time that I had fallen victim to a financial manipulator until it was too late.

[00:00:57] By the time I broke off my engagement to Jeff, I had a barren bank account, a dismal credit score, and a ton of resentment. Financial manipulators aren't just folks who have fallen on hard times and need a hand. They chronically take advantage of other people, usually playing on their emotions, to persuade them into giving up access to money, assets, or credit.

[00:01:21] Financial manipulators aren't criminals because they convince others to go along with their wishes, despite their initial reservations. A financial manipulator might sweet-talk a lonely elderly relative to let them borrow their car, or add them as an authorized user on their credit card. It usually starts out as a one-time request that snowballs into a regular occurrence.

[00:01:46] For example, the person might plead for use of the car to go back and forth to work while theirs is in the shop. A week turns into two, which turns into a month, and so on. Financial manipulation can turn into financial exploitation.

[00:02:02] According to the National Adult Protective Services Association, financial exploitation is increasingly becoming a rampant form of abuse among aging adults, particularly those with cognitive impairments, such as Alzheimer's disease or other types of dementia. Unfortunately, many cases of financial manipulation and exploitation go unreported because people feel embarrassed and ashamed that it happened to them.

[00:02:30] Here's how to spot a financial manipulator so you can protect yourself and your loved ones. How to spot a financial manipulator. Number one, they have the best stories. Oh, the stories. Financial manipulators are master storytellers. When they plead their case for why they need help, their stories are full of drama, color, and details.

[00:02:57] So much so that surely they couldn't be making that up, right? Frank, the financial manipulator, won't just tell you that a guy at a bar stole his wallet, which is why he needs to borrow $200. Frank tells you he arrived at the Blue Hawaii Tiki Bar for the Elvis Impersonator Singing Contest at 9.58 p.m. There was a shifty-eyed burly man at the bar who must have been 6'6 and 350 pounds.

[00:03:26] As he brushed past, Frank turned to see the man pocket his wallet. There was a confrontation, and he barely got out of the bar alive. Yep, there is always a great story. Number two, it's not their first time at the Poor Me Rodeo. Financial manipulators aren't just great storytellers. They are masters of the saga.

[00:03:50] These folks don't have isolated stories about their dramatic events and financial tragedies. Their tales could fill multiple books, and their saga sounds like something an epic novelist would write. A few years after I left Jeff, I had a friend, Tracy, who magnetized drama to herself. The craziest things always happened to her, and many of them were financial in nature.

[00:04:17] A few episodes included getting cash stolen out of her house by a suspected neighbor, being rear-ended by a driver with no insurance, a landlord who refused to fix a major leak in the kitchen so she had to pay the plumber herself, and an ex-husband who suddenly stopped paying child support after eight years of steady checks. After a while, I started thinking, how could so many bad, crazy things happen to one person?

[00:04:45] And of course, it was never Tracy's fault that any of these things happened. And then comes the dramatic plea for help. Number three, they target people who are natural givers. Financial manipulators don't seek help from the cynical, the critical, or the pessimist. They target the kind, the generous, and the optimist who always see the good in others.

[00:05:11] This is why I've been an easy target for financial manipulators in the past. I always look at the bright side and try to believe the best in others. And sometimes, it costs me money because of it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating we all turn into crusty, suspicious grinches. Just be aware there are people out there who seek out natural givers to manipulate financially. Years ago, at a church I used to attend, I co-led a Bible study at another couple's house.

[00:05:41] One regular attendee, Ben, experienced a string of unfortunate events, including health issues, car trouble, and job loss. Our small Bible study group rallied around him, bought him groceries, took up a collection to help with his rent, and even gave him a car. Shortly after the outpouring of generosity, Ben disappeared into thin air. We later found out he pulled a similar sob story at another small group within our church.

[00:06:11] And that wasn't the first church he had hit up for assistance either. And number four, they try to make their problem your problem. The final sign of a financial manipulator is that they try to make their problem your problem. If you decline to lend them money or get a loaner car while theirs is in the shop, they'll declare, well then you'll have to drop me off and pick me up every day from work.

[00:06:37] All of a sudden, your anxiety levels rise, thinking about being their chauffeur for a week. Now lending them money feels like an easier option. If you don't stop a minute to realize that no, you don't have to do either, you could play right into their hand. Financial manipulators will toss their problem at you like a hot potato. You have to be smart enough and strong enough to let it drop on the floor.

[00:07:03] Just because someone tries to hand you their problem doesn't mean you have to take it. This can be difficult if you enjoy helping others and problem solving. It's almost reflexive to receive the problem and go to work on it, even though it's not yours. The financial manipulator will usually lavish you with praise and compliments, tell you how awesome, smart, and generous you are while batting their eyelashes. What would I do without you?

[00:07:31] No, not everyone who approaches you for help is a financial manipulator. And I am a big fan of generosity, charity, and helping others when you're able to do so. But now you know how to spot a financial manipulator so you can direct your charitable dollars to someone who truly needs your assistance. You just listened to the post titled,

[00:07:58] How to Spot a Financial Manipulator by Christine Lucan of christinelucan.com. This article is called, This article reminded me a lot of the documentary on Netflix called, The Tinder Swindler. Have you seen it? It's pretty chilling. Basically, a con man swindles about $10 million out of multiple women in an elaborate Ponzi scheme. He's finally caught and prosecuted. But get this, he only served five months in jail.

[00:08:27] He's released on good behavior and suspected to be outrunning the same scam again. It's so easy to watch something like that and think, I would never let that happen to me. But the women in this documentary were not idiots. Watching their stories definitely gave me pause. Financial manipulators use psychological abuse techniques, similar to those commonly found in domestic violence.

[00:08:53] According to Cassandra Cross, who did a fellowship on the topic of romance fraud with the Cybersecurity Cooperative Research Center, offenders might prevent victims from communicating with family and friends, bombard them with messages to monopolize their attention, or verbally abuse them to make them feel worthless. All of these tactics impair a victim's ability to think clearly about their situation or seek help.

[00:09:22] No one wakes up in the morning and decides to give away all their money. This happens after a long and painstaking grooming process. Cassandra recommends that you consider the motives behind any request for financial help and never lend money you can't afford to lose. And that will do it for today. Have a great day and weekend, and I'll be back here tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.