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Episode 2474:
Dr. Diana Kirschner challenges the idea of a single soulmate and reveals how negative beliefs not reality fuel heartbreak. By shifting your perspective, embracing lessons from pain, and recognizing that love is still possible, you can open yourself to new, even better romantic possibilities.
Read along with the original article(s) here: https://lovein90days.com/when-you-cant-find-the-one/
Quotes to ponder:
"There is more than one soulmate for each person!"
"Your pain is teaching you something. And your pain is a badge of honor."
"Remember, it’s not about what has happened or is happening. It’s about the meaning you give it."
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[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily. When You Cant Find the One, 4 Things to Remember by Dr. Diana Kirschner of Lovein90days.com.
[00:00:30] Is your heart broken? Has your love life gone down the drain? Are you feeling like you just can't find the one? This hopeless feeling, this dead-end idea, can be so devastating. The suffering of loneliness and heartbreak that you feel is real. It occurs in the part of the brain that experiences physical pain. And it is powerful. As the poet Khalil Gibran said, Even as love crowns you, so it shall crucify you.
[00:00:58] And when you are disappointed, abandoned, alone, betrayed, or cheated on, it can feel like it is killing you. You may even be attacking yourself saying, I blew it. I screwed up and lost my one and only soulmate. There's something wrong with me. I'm too old and too fat. We really need to banish this kind of awful self-sabotage. So, here are four things to remember to overcome your hopelessness. When you can't find the one, tip one.
[00:01:28] Remember it's not about what has happened or is happening. It's about the meaning you give it. You break up with a guy and think, I'll never find love because there's something wrong with me. Or I'm too old now and there are no good men left out there. Or I just lost my one true soulmate and no one else can ever be nearly as good. I call these negative knee-jerk thoughts relationship killer beliefs. It is these thoughts that cause all the suffering and pain.
[00:01:56] Not what he did or what he didn't do. Your awfulizing things are the culprits. And they are just thoughts. They are not true. I will say that again. They are just not true. Even though they feel awfully true. There is nothing wrong with you and there are good men out there. The reality is that dating and finding the one or ones, which I will discuss next, takes time. It simply takes time.
[00:02:24] When you can't find the one, tip two. Remember, there is more than one soulmate for each person. In fairy tale land, the prince, the one perfect guy is out there. You come together and bang, true lasting love. But in real life, there is more than one soulmate for each person. How do I know? Because we have given tens of thousands of sessions to single women all over the world.
[00:02:51] They come to us devastated because they lost a guy who they believe is their one and only soulmate. They are in despair and have lost hope. But the miracle is that as they go through coaching, so many times they find another soulmate. And the new guy is so much better than the original. For example, Jody was a nurse in her late 30s who was super busy with work and had very few dates. She met a guy who she thought was the great love of her life in college. He desperately wanted to marry her.
[00:03:21] However, Jody did not feel ready and said no. They broke up and he rebounded with another girl. When she started coaching, she was fixated on her ex's Facebook page with all the photos of his gorgeous kids. It was crushing. Then Jody came into coaching and learned that her heart was closed because of that early experience. She believed she lost her one and only soulmate and it was game over for her.
[00:03:49] Then her coach pointed out that this was just not true. That there were others who could be incredible matches. Heartened, Jody started dating and found a new soulmate. A man who is even better to her, who treats her like a queen. Her new hottie is a better fit than her first boyfriend. They have shared service projects and great travel adventures. And Jody is over the moon. When you feel like you can't find the one, tip 3. Remember, your pain is teaching you an important lesson.
[00:04:19] The pain you feel is real, but think of it like touching a hot stove. If you ask, what is this pain teaching me? The answer will come up in your gut as an intuition. You will know where not to go. Not to stay isolated like Jody was. Or to pick someone who can hurt you in the same way as your ex. Not to choose a player, a narcissist, an alcoholic or a disinterested guy. Your pain is teaching you something. And your pain is a badge of honor.
[00:04:47] You are still wondering about love. You haven't gone comfortably numb. You haven't given up. You are still feeling and still alive. If you become numb like so many people, you would be putting your heart in a cold, hard coffin. Never to get out of there and feel again. Never to experience love again. But your pain means that you are not doing that. It's a badge of honor. When you feel like you can't find the one, tip 4.
[00:05:15] Remember, your pain means your heart is still alive. Your sadness, your wondering about love is a badge of honor. It means you haven't gone dead inside, gone numb, given up. Like so many people do. You are still feeling and still alive in your heart. If you become numb like all the closed down women, you would be putting your heart in a cold, hard coffin. Never to get out there and feel again. Never to experience love again.
[00:05:43] But your pain means that you are not doing that. You are still in the game, no matter what you have suffered and gone through. Please remember, it is a badge of honor. Remember these four things when you feel like you can't find the one. And you will be much happier and moving forward to a great soulmate match that much faster. You just listened to the post titled,
[00:06:10] When you can't find the one, four things to remember. By Dr. Diana Kirshner of lovein90days.com And a really great post from Dr. Diana. Great because I just think it does such a good job of putting these things into perspective and being objective. Reminding us of the important points like at the end there. You know, when we're worried or frustrated about dating or anything for that matter. It's near impossible to lead with perspective. Even if we know what it looks like in the back of our minds.
[00:06:40] This is the type of post that so many of us need to hear. If nothing more than for a reminder. So if you find yourself in any kind of painful situation. Apply the principles of today's post. And you may still feel hurt. But you can get yourself thinking more logically. Is there more opportunity? Of course there is. Have countless others overcome this before? Of course they have. Are you learning from this experience? Of course you are. Or at least can be.
[00:07:08] Should you open your mind to the lessons it's offering. And there are lessons to be found in all pain. That I believe. So with that I'm going to let you guys go. Thanks so much for coming today as always. And supporting our work as well as Dr. Diana's work. We always like what she has to say. And I will see you back here tomorrow for another insightful episode. Where your optimal life awaits.