2476: Boundaries in Relationships by Lisa Merlo-Booth

[00:00:00] Klar können wir Multitasking, aber wenn's drauf ankommt, sind wir froh, wenn wir uns auf eine Sache konzentrieren können. Das neue Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra macht's möglich, als dein persönlicher AI-Begleiter. Aktiviere Google Gemini und frag die AI zum Beispiel nach passenden Restaurantoptionen und teile sie mit deinen Kontakten. Das klingt dann so. Hey, such mir ein indisches Restaurant in der Nähe raus und sende es an Luca. Easy. Was das Galaxy S25 Ultra noch kann? Erfahre mehr auf samsung.de.

[00:00:29] Now, before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now onto the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily Boundaries in Relationships by Lisa Merlo-Booth of lisamerlo-booth.com.

[00:00:57] I believe the two most pivotal skills for being in healthy relationships are boundaries and self-esteem. They are the foundation from which everything else flourishes. This post is going to address boundaries. Okay, so what are boundaries? Boundaries are a system of protection. They're meant to protect us as well as those around us. I like to see them as a mosquito net we encapsulate ourselves in.

[00:01:20] This net is strong enough to keep harmful comments, energies, insults, etc. Mosquitoes, out, yet permeable enough to allow constructive criticism, authentic feedback, and true comments, like air, in. We are the controllers of our boundaries. We decide what we allow in and what we keep out. The way we determine what comes in is if it's true or not.

[00:01:45] We ask ourselves, is this true for me? Is this something I need to take in and look at? If the answer is yes, then we let it in. If the answer is no, then we simply let the comment bounce off our net, boundary, and move on. If we choose to let something bounce off our net, then it's done with. There's no need for us to get defensive, have a reaction, or stew about it. If it's not true, then don't spend time on it. Examples of things that we don't want to let in are

[00:02:13] your partner coming home in a bad mood and snapping at you, someone accusing you of something you know you didn't do, someone swearing at you, calling you a name, or putting you down. The reason you don't want to take any of these in is because comments like these are not about you. They are about the person who is speaking to you. If your partner comes home in a bad mood and is snapping at everyone in the home, then they're having a bad day. Keep your boundaries up and don't allow their bad day to become your bad day.

[00:02:42] Instead, as I once heard a person say, imagine that your net just got slimed. Spray it, wipe off the slime, and move on. Let me use the kick the dog story, only I'll use a different term than kick. Say Tom comes home and had a terrible day at work. He's angry and fed up with everything. The dog comes up to greet him, and Tom shoves the dog to the side and says, stupid dog. Now, is this because the dog's a stupid dog? No.

[00:03:10] It's because Tom is having a bad day, and he thinks that bad day justifies his cruelty. His comment has nothing to do with the dog. It has everything to do with Tom. It's the same with people. We need to get better at determining what we need to take in and look at, and what has nothing to do with us, and we need to keep out. If, for example, you simply walk into a store and the cashier is rude to you, chances are it's not about you. So don't let it in and make it about you.

[00:03:38] Likewise, if your child is hungry, tired, and cranky and says you're stupid, use your boundaries. See it for what it is. A child who is cranky and struggling with his or her emotions. It's not about you being a bad parent. Because something is not about you does not mean you allow your child or husband, etc., to call you names. It just means that first, you have to realize that behavior is not about you.

[00:04:05] Step two, deciding if you let something go or address it, is a different post. LOL. Learn to decipher what to take in and what to keep out. It's important that we don't only let in nice feedback. When we're given feedback that is hard to hear, we need to be careful to not just block it out. If the feedback is honest, it is in our best interest to let it in and look at it. We do this even when we don't like what we hear. If there's truth to it, taking it in and looking at it will help us in our present and future relationships.

[00:04:35] Feedback is a gift, and it works like air to us. It helps us grow. We take things in from a place of humility, knowing that we're human just like everyone else. For now, remember that you don't want to keep everything out, because that would be a wall, not a boundary. Nor do you want to let everything in, because that would be boundary-less. Neither of these are healthy boundaries. Challenge Boundaries protect the core of who we are while also protecting the core of who others are.

[00:05:05] For the next week, pay close attention to protecting yourself. Begin practicing healthy boundaries by paying attention to when you are in a boundary failure, like feeling wounded, defensive, or offended. Also, pay close attention to what is true about you and what is not, and filter the information accordingly. Also, watch others and their use of boundaries. This is a great way to learn about your own. And one last note, boundaries are a big topic that I could not cover entirely in a post.

[00:05:33] There are two books on boundaries that I recommend for those who are interested. The Intimacy Factor, by Pia Melody, and Boundaries, Where You End and I Begin, by Anne Catherine M.A. You just listened to the post titled, Boundaries and Relationships, by Lisa Merleau Booth, of lisamerleaubooth.com. And thanks so much to Lisa. Really glad she didn't dwell too long on the story about Tom and his dog.

[00:06:03] I was about ready to slap Tom across the face, getting me pretty riled up, being mean to a little pup like that. Aside from that, this was a great post, though. Especially the part about not deflecting any comments that aren't what we want to hear. Being open to criticism and healthy challenges like that. That is so crucial, especially for us, like you and I to hear.

[00:06:25] As those who indulge in personal development a lot are likely to have increased, maybe unrealistic demands for life being pleasant and not allowing the unpleasant stuff. I know I'm guilty of this myself, so something for all of us to watch out for. There is another layer to that, though. Something she actually pushed aside earlier in the article. Now, obviously, all kinds of negativity have layers. And therefore, we do have to pick our battles sometimes.

[00:06:54] So, for example, if your spouse does come home yelling and screaming and is clearly frustrated, maybe it's not about you, yeah. But given your commitment to them, your love for them, and your knowledge of them, that is an opportunity to reach out and try to help rather than distancing yourself just because it's unpleasant and not necessarily about you. Right? Now, if a random person on the street does that, it's easier to excuse yourself.

[00:07:21] But when it comes to committed relationships that you want to keep going strong, there will be times in which we have to let those we love have their hissy fits and try to lean in and understand and support them anyway. Now, of course, boundaries still exist, especially if you feel that you may be harmed physically. That's an entirely different circumstance. But it's just to say that all relationships are different, and thus how we approach conflict within them must also be different. Food for thought, friends. Time to be out of here, though.

[00:07:51] Thanks a million for joining me today, as always, and staying through the end. Boundaries are always an essential topic to brush up on in relationships, so I am glad I was able to share this with you today. And do be sure to come on back tomorrow, where I will have another great post for you. That's where your optimal life awaits.