2479: Sensitive Parental Care in Childhood AND Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems both by Dr. Samantha Joel of Luvze

[00:00:00] Now at O2. Save yourself the new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra with Galaxy Watch Ultra and 100 GB Datenvolumen for 69,99 € im Monat. And with O2 Paystop, just pay off instead of going to continue. O2 can do. This is Optimal Relationships Daily Sensitive Parental Care in Childhood Predicts Better Relationships in Adulthood by Dr. Samantha Joel of Luvze.com

[00:00:27] We've written a few articles on the effect of attachment style on adult relationships. To recap, attachment style represents the ways in which we relate to the people we care about. Some people tend to be open and trusting, secure attachment. Some people tend to be more needy and insecure, anxious attachment. And yet others prefer to keep their distance, avoidant attachment.

[00:00:49] Researchers know that people's attachment styles can explain a lot about the roots of their behavior in their relationships. But, where do these attachment styles come from? The theory postulates that attachment styles form very early in life, based on the care our parents provided. In other words, early childhood experiences teach us how relationships work, and those lessons get transferred to other important relationships, such as friendships and romantic relationships, later in life.

[00:01:19] This is a provocative part of attachment theory, because it suggests that the quality of a care a person receives during childhood influences their strategies for navigating close relationships in adulthood. However, until recently, researchers have had only indirect evidence of this path from early childhood care to later attachment styles.

[00:01:39] In an impressive study recently published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, Zaias and colleagues observed and recorded mothers interacting with their 18-month-old babies in the lab. The researchers then coded mothers' responsiveness toward their babies. For example, mothers were coded as being highly responsive if they were warm and attentive toward their babies, as opposed to intrusive or inattentive.

[00:02:04] Twenty years later, the researchers contacted these same children, now young adults, and surveyed them about their close relationships. The researchers found that the individuals who received the most sensitive care from their mothers at 18 months old also reported the most secure attachment to friends and romantic partners in early adulthood. Overall, Zaias and colleagues' research provides evidence for what attachment researchers have been suggesting for a long time.

[00:02:33] Parents play a pivotal role in shaping our expectations and tendencies in close relationships, including our adult romantic relationships. Mo' money, mo' problems. Mo' problems. How having money can make you a worse parent. By Dr. Samantha Joel of loves.com Common sense suggests that people should get their financial ducks in a row before having children.

[00:03:01] Indeed, couples frequently put off having children because they first want to be more financially secure. There are definitely some important upsides to this strategy. For example, kids tend to be healthier and happier when their parents are more well-off. But, might there also be downsides to pursuing wealth before parenting?

[00:03:19] Past research shows that having money, or even just being reminded of money, motivates people to pursue personal goals and to maintain their independence from others, what researchers call agentic goals. Kuchlev and colleagues hypothesize that the agentic goals associated with money might be incongruent with the more independent, other-focused goal, what researchers call a communal goal of caring for children.

[00:03:45] Therefore, parents who focus on achieving financial security and thus derive a sense of meaning and purpose in their lives through more individualistic goals might have more difficulty achieving a sense of meaning and purpose from parenting. The researchers tested this idea with two studies. In the first study, parents recalled events from the previous day and how much meaning and purpose they felt during each event.

[00:04:09] The researchers found that parents with greater income and education derived less meaning and purpose from taking care of their kids, although they did not derive less meaning and purpose from other activities. But, given the correlational nature of that study, it could just be that those who get less meaning from parenting are more likely to pursue higher-paying jobs.

[00:04:31] To help determine whether the thought of money was really responsible for the pattern observed in study one, the researchers conducted an experiment in which they surveyed parents who were at a festival with their children. The clipboard that the parents were given to complete the survey either had pictures of cash on it, the wealth condition, or pictures of flowers, the control condition.

[00:04:53] Participants who were reminded of money with pictures of bills reported experiencing significantly less meaning and purpose from attending the festival with their children, a mean of 3.33 on a scale of 0-6, compared to the participants who were not reminded of money, a mean of 4.14.

[00:05:11] Note that parents who were reminded of money still gave responses that were above the midpoint of the scale, suggesting they still derived some sense of meaning and purpose from their parenting experience, but they reported less meaning relative to parents who were not reminded of money, suggesting that money and parenting do not mix as well as one might expect.

[00:05:31] Overall, this work suggests that the individualistic goal associated with financial wealth may undermine the more relational goal of taking care of children. Money is associated with goals such as being independent and pursuing personal success, which are somewhat incongruent with the goals of caring for others and fostering interdependent relationships.

[00:05:54] Importantly, the researchers note that they are not recommending that couples avoid pursuing wealth before having children, especially given previous research on the benefits of financial security for raising children. But, the research does suggest that the act of becoming parents may require couples to shift their goals in a major way, especially for those who have worked hard to achieve high levels of financial success prior to parenthood.

[00:06:25] You just listened to the post titled, Sensitive Parental Control in Childhood Predicts Better Relationships in Adulthood, and Mo' Money, Mo' Problems, How Having Money Can Make You a Worse Parent, both by Dr. Samantha Joel of Loves.com. And a couple of wonderful short posts today from Samantha Joel. Thanks so much to her for that. I always love the research done out of Loves, and the research shared today is no exception.

[00:06:52] If you've been listening to the show for a while and have heard a lot of posts of theirs that we've shared, there's most certainly a running theme throughout the results yielded by the studies they conduct. And that is the value of time and attention spent on children. This might go without saying, but it's clearer and clearer that everything we do as parents significantly impacts their development into adulthood.

[00:07:15] While no involved parent intentionally distances themselves from their children, studies like this remind us that there is indeed a lot of sacrifice that goes into raising children that we don't necessarily realize. And all of these sacrifices really must be considered before and during parenthood to ensure the purest devotion to our lives and theirs.

[00:07:37] As we can see, especially from our second article today, even the goals we wish to reach for ourselves, be them financial or otherwise, impact the focus we can have as parents. Even if those goals, again, are being made by parents to better the lives of their children, in theory. All things to consider for those who wish to parent mindfully, rather than because it just seems like the next step. Lots to think about, and we thank the ever-illuminating research from Loves for that.

[00:08:05] Time for us to wrap up for the day, friends. It's been great sharing this wonderful research with you today. Signing off now, but wishing you a wonderful weekend. And if you want to keep learning about the many relationships we have and how to make the most of them, we'll be back tomorrow with more, where your optimal life awaits.