2486: Should 'Happy Kids' Be Our Parenting Goal by Shawna Scafe of Simple On Purpose

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Should Happy Kids Be Our Parenting Goal by Shawna Scafe of SimpleOnPurpose.ca

[00:00:28] I really have no clue what is going to work when it comes to parenting. I can do trial and error, or get loaded down with all the ever-changing statistics, Google science, and unwelcome advice available from my local grocery store cashier. At the end of the day, almost every experienced mother will tell you to just go with what your instinct tells you about motherhood. The problem is sometimes my instinct is wrong.

[00:00:53] Sometimes my instinct gets really frazzled and instantly seeks the path of least resistance, the easy and fastest way out of any uncomfortable situations. As I have learned, these are classic type 9 problems. Uncomfortable situations are pretty tricky to avoid when raising toddlers. After all, their brain isn't fully developed, and reasonable logic falls to caveman status rather than mature, rational adult.

[00:01:18] This is pretty evident when I reflect on some situations that upset my toddlers. You know, things like offering to zip up their sweater, or taking their boots off the wrong way, or saying no to watching Team Hot Wheels on repeat. When I step back and watch my kids, I can just see all the emotions swishing and sloshing as they navigate through the hurdles to get what they want, when they want it, how they want it.

[00:01:42] And here is where one of my slash the hardest parts of parenting a toddler comes in. These difficult emotions make me uncomfortable. My kid is freaking out at their sibling for looking at them. They are screaming beside the tub that they don't want to have a bath and later don't want to leave. They are crying that it's bedtime, but are so clearly exhausted. Their emotions are messy and being tossed around without constraint.

[00:02:09] My instinct is to dismiss their fits and outbursts with, you're fine, get over it, and hastily usher them to a happier tone. But that is for my comfort. My ultimate comfort as a parent is a happy, cooperative, occupied child. After all, isn't a quiet, occupied, and friendly kid a happy kid? Doesn't a happy kid mean I'm a successful parent?

[00:02:34] That is the motive behind all our parenting. Our kids' happiness, seeing them smile is what we live for. Yet, it can't be the daily marker for successful parenting. As Jennifer Sr. notes, constant happiness is a lot of unrealistic pressure for the parents, and the kids. We can have all sorts of beliefs around pursuing happiness, and it is a real buzzword these days.

[00:02:57] Happiness at its core is the natural reaction when life is exactly as we want it, which to a toddler means never saying no to their demands and wishes, ever. Who has that every day? Should we teach them to pursue happiness at all costs? Happiness is amazing when it happens, but teaching kids to pursue happiness can come at a cost to their emotional development, or to others, or our health, or our wallets.

[00:03:24] If we all did whatever made us happy in life, there would be a lot more eating tubs of icing for dinner, shopping sprees, avoiding the hard tasks in life, and generally ignoring our problems. So basically me from ages 20 to 24, just saying. What if we don't get what would make us happiest? What if circumstances aren't ideal? What should we feel then? It is something that I've learned to dive into as a new mom. Contentment.

[00:03:51] Letting yourself find and feel joy even in difficult situations. Changing what is in your power to change, and not acting like a jerk even when conditions aren't perfect. It must be learned, and continually relearned, as we go through harder circumstances. Contentment is a life skill that will likely make us more emotionally stable, successful, and capable than the pursuit of happiness. I know I'm not alone when my parenting goal is to maintain happiness at a tolerable decibel and secure radius.

[00:04:21] I hustle any discomfort out the door, without question or concession, and expect my toddlers to find happiness in the majority of circumstances that wouldn't even make adults very happy. What am I teaching them, though? I should be guiding them through this discomfort. It is inevitable in life. I should be encouraging them to find contentment, joy, and gratitude when life isn't going their way, and they can't have the blue truck that their frenemy is playing with. I'm not here to give you advice or a lesson on emotional coaching.

[00:04:51] I'm just here to say that we can all give ourselves a little break today. Parenting is uncomfortable. Toddlers are reckless and unreasonable with their emotions, and we have to parent through this discomfort rather than constantly hustle for happiness. We don't have to fix everything right away, the best way, the happiest way. We can all be a little uncomfortable sometimes, and that's okay.

[00:05:19] You just listened to the post titled, Should Happy Kids Be Our Parenting Goal? by Shauna Scaife of simpleonpurpose.ca I'll tell you what, if you think Shauna's words today apply just to kids, then you can think again. A really important article from her addressing the value of not expecting to keep children happy all the time. An easy trap for parents to fall into. And it's no surprise, since we adults fall into this trap with ourselves all the time.

[00:05:47] The regular demand to be happy and the lack of acceptance with anything but is a killer. And it's a battle that can't be won. But still, we try. Especially those of us who love self-development. So, just a PSA from Shauna and I that striving for non-stop happiness is unrealistic, and it's exhausting. Struggle will always be there.

[00:06:10] So, with this in mind, my challenge for you is to try picking your struggle once in a while, rather than your dream or your happiness. Pick your struggle. Rather than saying, I really want this most, try saying, I'll take this because I'd hate it the least. You'll be surprised by how much power and contentment comes from picking what you want to sacrifice, as opposed to trying to eradicate sacrifice altogether. I'm just saying, try it. But, it's time to get out of here for now, everyone.

[00:06:39] Have a great rest of your Friday, folks. I will see you tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.