2488: How to Encourage Loved Ones to Eat Better

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show.

[00:00:18] Hello everybody and welcome to our weekly bonus episode here on ORD. I'm Greg Audino and I normally host the show, but today in our bonus episode I'm only here to introduce the work of Dr. Neil Malek, who you're going to be hearing from momentarily. So he is our host on Optimal Health Daily and what you're going to hear today is his answer to one of his listeners' questions about how to encourage loved ones to eat healthier.

[00:00:42] Certainly this is one of the many ways in which we might find ourselves trying to help loved ones. So if there's someone you care about whose health concerns you, but you're unsure of how to bring it up, this one's for you. So open your ears and listen closely. I'm going to pass it over to Dr. Neil now and optimize your life.

[00:01:02] My husband, who weighs 400 pounds and newly diabetic, struggles with a sugar addiction. How do I encourage him to make a shift to healthier eating and lifestyle? Thank you for your question, caller. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. I know it can get frustrating when loved ones are not on the same page when it comes to their own health and wellness.

[00:01:25] And that's okay. It's taken me a while to realize this, but you, as their loved one, may feel more invested in their health than they do. And again, that's okay because it means you care. And even though your family member may not share the same enthusiasm for their own health that you do, that's okay too. It's because their priorities are different. And that just means they're human. But it's not that they don't care. The key is to tap into what motivates them and then keep that momentum going.

[00:01:54] You mentioned that you felt as though your partner is a sugar addict. What we need to do is discover why this is. It's often not about the sugar itself, but we need to dive into the behavior itself. The trick is this. Remind them how much you care and how badly you want them to feel their best. Now, I'm not saying this is what you do, but in my experience, when we want loved ones to change their behavior and we're starting to feel desperate, we might say things like,

[00:02:22] You really need to stop eating so much sugar. Or, Don't you understand you're hurting yourself by eating this way? Well, here's the thing. They've heard this so many times before. Instead, we need to have an open dialogue with them. Let them vent their frustrations with regards to their own habits if they have to. Because they know they're not doing the right things already. What we need to do is listen to them and ask follow-up questions. I'll repeat a quote I shared last week because I think it applies perfectly here.

[00:02:50] It comes from Michael P. Nichols, PhD, in the book The Lost Art of Listening. Quote, The need to be known, to have our experience understood and accepted by someone who listens, is food and drink to the human heart. End quote. So if they say, Look, I don't want to hear about how I need to lose weight and lay off the sugar, okay? I get it. You can respond with, I understand. What can I do?

[00:03:18] They might have a witty response and say something like, Well, you can let me be. Leave me alone. If they're serious, leave them alone. It's okay. But later, try again when they're in a better mood. If you try and convince them that they need to listen to you right now and they need to change their behavior right now and that this can't wait, you will soon find yourself in an argument. And nobody wants to lose an argument. Now, when everyone's cooled off a bit, broach the issue again. But gently.

[00:03:48] Consider asking something like, In a year or so, what do you imagine our lives will be like? Now, here's why this is so important. You're making this about them and their choices. By listening to their wants and desires, you're making it clear that you care about them as a person. You care about their goals and their motivations. This starts to break down any resistance they may be feeling. Hopefully, they won't say something morbid like, Who knows if I'll be around in a year?

[00:04:16] But if they do, you can always respond with, What can I do to help prevent that from happening? If they start talking about their plans, on the other hand, and they start feeling really optimistic, you can say, Those plans sound amazing. Let's make it happen. And that's when you can gently mention your concerns about maybe their body weight or their sugar habits, something like that. But again, gently. Now notice, you don't go into all the reasons why you think the plans won't work

[00:04:44] until they get their blood sugar under control. Instead, you ask permission first to share your thoughts. This empowers them and makes them feel like you really care. So after they give you permission to share your thoughts, and almost always they'll say yes, you can then say that you love their plans, but you want you both feeling your best for those plans. Now think about how this message differs from what they've likely heard from all of their doctors. In my experience,

[00:05:12] many health professionals simply threaten the patient and discuss how much worse their lives will be if they don't stop eating sugar or start losing weight or start exercising. But if you ask them about their experiences and their feelings about the future, you motivate and empower your loved one. Now, they're not just taking orders from you, they're involved in the process. You show that you really care. This will hopefully get them to open up and listen to your concerns. Once you get them to listen,

[00:05:42] you can ask them how they would like to move forward with feeling their best and how you can support them on their journey. When suggestions come from within, instead of from somewhere or from someone else, we are more inclined to change our behaviors. And when it comes to changing a behavior like sugar addiction, the key to this in the beginning is to make small changes so that they understand that this change doesn't feel like they have to give up something.

[00:06:10] Let's hypothetically say that one issue is drinking too much regular soda throughout the day, which we know is loaded with added sugar. Then one first step could be to switch just one of those sodas with a diet soda or another carbonated drink that's not as high in added sugar. Notice, small step. Or let's say they only like regular sodas and there's no way they're gonna switch. Then drink only half the can each time and then finish the half later on during the day.

[00:06:39] Again, the key is small, not so threatening steps. We're not trying to force them to give up something completely, especially something that they might really like. So the bottom line is this. Turn the traditional conversation about avoiding sugar and losing weight on its head. Remember, everyone is motivated by something. I gave the example of plans for the future. We just need to find what that motivation is. Then, by involving them in the decision process

[00:07:07] and tapping into that motivation and asking where they would like to begin, we'll continue to motivate and empower them. And that is often the perfect first step. Thank you again so much for taking the time to send me your question. If you wanna send me a question, remember, you can email one to me. Just send in your question to health at oldpodcast.com. Or if you want your voice heard on the show,

[00:07:37] come by oldpodcast.com slash ask. You can record your question right from your computer's microphone or you can do it the old-fashioned way and call in your question. The number is 61-ILOVE-OHD. All right, that'll do it for another Q&A edition of Optimal Health Daily. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for your continued support. I hope you have a great start to your weekend and I'll see you back here tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.