2498: This Is How the Dumper Feels During No Contact by Eddie Corbano of Loves A Game

[00:00:00] This Is Optimal Relationships Daily. This Is How the Dumper Feels During No Contact by Eddie Corbano of Loves A Game.com How does the dumper feel during no contact? What psychological effect does this have on them? Why do we even want to know? The answer is, of course, because we secretly hope they realize they've made a terrible mistake, contact us, and get back together with us again.

[00:00:26] But, is this the real reason we went no contact in the first place? No. At least it shouldn't be. But these answers are legit, as the answers can enable us to counteract possible contact attempts by our ex. Going no contact with an ex may very well push their buttons. The Psychology Behind No Contact The real purpose of the no contact rule is to get yourself back, not your ex.

[00:00:54] While most people already know how important the rule is for their recovery, they nonetheless look for loopholes to break it. The truth is, and I've been preaching this for over 12 years, that following the rule is an essential precondition to healing from a breakup or divorce. The problem with this rule is that we do not recognize its necessity right at the beginning of the breakup. We only begin to understand after we've had bad experiences with being friends with them.

[00:01:22] Why do we aspire to stay friends with our exes, even though we sense that it's bad for us? Let's examine this further by looking at the psychological effect no contact has on the dumpers and dumpies. Number one, psychology of the dumpy. The dumpy wants to stay friends for the obvious reason. They don't want to lose their ex. If they can't be with them as romantic partners, then why not as friends? This way they'll still be around.

[00:01:50] The secret, often subconscious hope, is that they can turn everything around and get back together again. If this is your motivation, then I'm sorry. I have bad news for you. It doesn't work this way. You really don't want this, for various reasons. The dumpers will treat you as a friend. Are you really prepared for that? They may take advantage of you for occasional intimacy without commitment. This is especially the case for male dumpers.

[00:02:17] You will have expectations they certainly can't fulfill. You love them, but your ex doesn't return the feeling. You will continuously be looking for signs that there is still a chance. This will destroy you in the long run. And it will prolong, if not prevent, your healing. Let's take a look at the dumper. Why would they want to stay friends or still in contact? Number two, psychology of the dumper. The dumper will test your determination.

[00:02:46] The dumper wants to stay friends for nearly the same reasons as the dumpy, only their motivation is different. They often want you around because they also don't want to lose you. They want you as a safe fallback if something goes wrong in their lives, if their new girlfriend or boyfriend dumps them unexpectedly. Some want you for occasional intimacy. They want to make it easier for you, which of course backfires. They want to be around to help you.

[00:03:13] Cutting off contact with the dumper often triggers a reaction, because it means that the dumpy takes their power back. They are signaling that they don't want to be dependent anymore. Some dumpers don't like that and will make an attempt to get their power back over them. This is the reason dumpers eventually contact the dumpy. They are merely testing you. But let me be clear. This is not what you want. Their newly found interest for you is not genuine.

[00:03:44] One of the most important prerequisites for the no contact rule to work is to not fall for their games of power. What you should do. The best thing a dumper can do for the dumpy is to help them follow the no contact rule by proposing and enforcing it themselves. It's easier for them anyway, because they already separated themselves emotionally during the relationship, and it will help the dumpy a great deal. It may be perceived as cruel and cold,

[00:04:12] but you are following an ulterior motive that will help them in the long run. If you are the dumpy, then make it clear to yourself that you don't need another talk, you don't need closure, all you need to do is accept that it's over. You will go through the different breakup stages much quicker and eventually learn all the reasons that led to the breakup. This of course hurts a lot, but ultimately it's better and easier for both parties. Think about this.

[00:04:40] Maybe for you, it's necessary to make your own experiences. Perhaps you will have to learn the hard way which choice is the better one. We often learn better by making mistakes. Either way, I don't want you to beat yourself up. See the decision of going no contact with your ex as a milestone on your way to independence and happiness. It's a path that will be bumpy at times, but ultimately you will be proud of yourself because you've made it. Your friend, Eddie Corbano.

[00:05:13] You just listened to the post titled, This is how the dumper feels during no contact by Eddie Corbano of lovesagame.com. And thanks a lot to Eddie for this one. I always love his input on the no contact rule, an approach that he is extremely steadfast in regarding breakup recovery. I know Eddie speaks with so much objectivity and concreteness in his work. And of course, that's what we would all love after a breakup, right?

[00:05:40] Some concrete answers we can count on rather than having to guess or wait around. And while I enjoy his material and often agree with it, I do just want to remind everyone today that whether you're listening to his content or anyone else's, there are always exceptions to look out for. As far as this post is concerned, yeah, it would be great if we knew the exact intentions of the person we broke up with or who broke up with us.

[00:06:05] It would be wonderful to know exactly what was behind every time they reached out to us. But while Eddie has painted with broad strokes here that can be relied upon a fair amount of the time and admittedly paid respect to the exceptions of what he's discussed, there is always going to be a lot of nuance here. Sometimes couples get back together and it ends up being the best thing for them, which would be impossible without breaking the no contact rule.

[00:06:31] Sometimes people who break up realize the immaturity and insensitivity of trying to keep an ex around as a fallback, but will reach out to them for different reasons. So, while it can be great to read up on speculations about what ex-partners might be going through, always, always question these things and consider the individuality of your ex before pretending to know everything they're thinking and doing.

[00:06:57] That's all for this one though, everybody. Thank you so much for joining me today and starting your week off with ORD. I hope you liked this post and I hope you'll come back tomorrow for another one where I will be back narrating for you again. And where your optimal life awaits. We'll see you in a minute. You should say for your request. You may notice to request your request. And where you are Undertale if you may be able to choose something else. You may go to the way to really point.