2501: [Part 1] How to Raise Resilient Kids by Jen of This Time of Mine on Parenting Advice

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily, How to Raise Resilient Kids, Part 1 by Jen of thistimeofmine.com

[00:00:28] As parents, we want to protect our kids from difficulty, disappointment, and stress. But unfortunately, we can't do that. Because in reality, we can't shield our kids from every hard thing. It's impossible. Luckily, we can do something better. We can equip our kids with the tools necessary to deal with life's challenges, big or small. And in the end, this will prove to be a far greater gift.

[00:00:54] If you have a child who gives up easily, is afraid to try hard things, or doesn't deal with difficulty well, then these tips will help you know how to help your child. They are proven strategies for building grit that help parents in their efforts to raise resilient kids who are optimistic, strong, and hopeful. A quick note about failure. Parents are often told that failure and frustration are good for kids, and helps them build resilience. But how much is the right amount?

[00:01:24] It's not always an easy decision to make, which is why parents often fall into two camps, curlers and observers. Camp 1. The Curlers In the Olympic sport of curling, curlers frantically sweep and warm up the ice to reduce as much friction as possible. In other words, they act a lot like many parents. Too often, parents vigorously put forth every effort to reduce any and all friction in their child's life.

[00:01:53] They remove barriers, coddle feelings, and help them avoid failure. Because failure is hard. Camp 2. The Observers Some parents, in an effort to avoid being overprotective, assume a more passive stance. They feel that life is full of difficulty, so their kids might as well learn to deal with it now. They offer little support and assume this is the best way to raise kids who know how to be resilient.

[00:02:21] Failure is only part of the picture. Perhaps you have spent time in one of these two camps. Or maybe you find yourself somewhere in the middle, wondering what your parental role should be. You know it's good for kids to work through their problems, but you're struggling to find that perfect balance of support. It's true that failure helps to build resilience. But it's only part of the picture. Because true resilience is knowing that despite failure, we can pick ourselves up, keep going, and eventually find success.

[00:02:51] Kids who fail again and again without proper support only learn one thing. They are failures. But you and I both know that our kids aren't failures, and we certainly don't want them thinking that they are. So, how can we raise our kids to be truly resilient? How can we find that sweet spot between offering support and allowing for independence? Here are eight research-based ways. How to raise resilient kids who don't give up.

[00:03:20] Number one, be a strong support system for your kids. Why are some kids able to be more resilient than others? According to the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard, In other words, kids need connection.

[00:03:47] Our kids need to know that they are safe with us and that our relationship is steady. It can be hard to find one-on-one time with your child every day, especially if you have multiple kids. But it doesn't take much to help your child feel loved and validated. The key is to make the interactions you're already having more meaningful whenever possible. Quick tip, make sure your kids know how you feel.

[00:04:11] For example, if someone at school calls your daughter dumb, don't jump in with platitudes. Rather than, no way, what is she talking about? You're so smart. Tell her what you think about her. Well, I think you're pretty smart. Your opinion matters to your children. Number two, set the stage for their success. Kids are usually more capable than we give them credit for. But that doesn't mean they can do everything on their own. They still need our help.

[00:04:41] We can offer support by making it easier for them to succeed. Here are a few ideas. Keeping expectations age-appropriate. Establishing routines to make transitions easier. Making visuals for forgetful kids. Teaching the skills necessary to complete a task, like cleaning up. Creating an organized environment so they can find and access things themselves. And allowing extra time for everything, because kids take forever to do things, let's be honest.

[00:05:10] In reality, much of what our kids experience each day is new and unfamiliar. And often, they experience more failure than success. So when we take small steps to prime them for success, they can use those positive moments to build the confidence they need to keep going when things get hard. Number three, let your kids make mistakes. As tempting as it is to step in and take over, don't.

[00:05:37] Of course, there are times when our kids need our help. But more often than not, we interfere when we should step back and let our kids work things out or deal with the natural consequences of their choices. In a UCLA study on learning, researchers found that learning was actually enhanced when conditions were arranged so that students made errors. This is true in the classroom and at home. When we support our kids through their mistakes, rather than helping them avoid failure,

[00:06:07] they're able to think through what happened and figure out ways to avoid repeating those mistakes in the future. In short, they're developing important coping skills. So yes, this might mean a lower grade for forgotten homework, a less than perfectly made bed, or even an eggshell in a batch of cookies. But it's important for our kids to make mistakes so they can learn from them. To be continued.

[00:06:36] You just listened to part one of the post titled, How to Raise Resilient Kids by Jen of thistimeofmine.com Love the way this post is starting out. A lot of great strategies already, and you have to appreciate the research attached to them. There's going to be a lot more in our follow-up tomorrow, so rather than offering my commentary now, I will instead tell you a little bit more about Jen. She is a busy mom to four energetic kids,

[00:07:04] and between taking care of them, running the household, and trying to keep up with everything else she does and enjoys, she's often found herself fantasizing about the moment she can finally sit down for the night. But through it all, she's found that she's happiest when she's intentional in her approach. And even though it's not always easy, she knows when she parents and lives her life on purpose, that's when she can make the biggest difference for her children. She founded this time of mine to use as a platform to teach as many parents as will listen.

[00:07:32] She wants to meet you where you are and help you fall in love with parenting all over again, because she knows how hard it can be. She also knows that when we learn to parent and live with intention, we can create more good times than bad. We can help our children want to do what's right, and we can become the role model that walks along beside them. And parents or not, this intentionality is important for all of us. I really enjoy her approach here, and it's easy to see how well it informs her writing.

[00:08:01] So, that's going to wrap up this first part, everybody. Do be sure to come on back tomorrow for the Friday show to hear the rest. But for now, parents, get to work on items one through three, and I'll see you all back here tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits. Let's see you all right.