2502: [Part 2] How to Raise Resilient Kids by Jen of This Time of Mine on Advice for Parents

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily, How to Raise Resilient Kids, Part 2 by Jen of thistimeofmine.com.

[00:00:28] 4. Step Into a Coaching Role Trial and error is a great way to learn, but that doesn't mean we can't help our kids learn from mistakes or deal with situations that are hard, confusing, disappointing, or uncomfortable. That's where our job as coach comes in. Coaches teach skills, offer feedback, provide encouragement, and guide players toward success. But they don't play the game. The kids do. We can be the same way.

[00:00:56] When we do things with our kids rather than for them, we help them grow in both confidence and competence. We support, while still providing room for independence and mastery. 5. Teach Problem Solving Skills Building on each of the previous tips, parents who learn to be a strong support system while allowing for mistakes are in a perfect position to teach important problem-solving skills.

[00:01:23] Then, when our kids come to us with a problem, we can help them brainstorm ways to work through it. For example, if your child keeps forgetting to practice their instrument, talk through specific solutions such as putting up visual reminders or working it into part of their routine. Or, if your child is nervous about a test coming up, create a study schedule and come up with time management techniques together. After a while, check back in with your child to discuss the results of their ideas.

[00:01:53] Kids who know how to work through problems are more resilient. They know they can accomplish difficult tasks and even work through failures to find success. And the more they practice this, the more they will come to believe it. 6. Praise the How In her book, Mindset, Carol Dweck says, No matter what your ability is, effort is what ignites that ability and turns it into accomplishment. End quote.

[00:02:21] Two people might start off with the same ability, but over time, the one that learns how to define what they're doing to improve is the one that actually improves. Natural talent can only take a person so far. I saw this all the time as a music teacher, and I continue to see it in people all around me. This is why it's so important to be intentional when we praise our kids. It's okay to praise their personal attributes, smart, pretty, handsome, etc.

[00:02:49] But when it comes to accomplishments, be sure to praise their effort too, not just their results. When we point out the how and praise the process, our kids will learn that their abilities can grow through hard work. They'll develop a growth mindset as they recognize that they have the power to create success, even if it doesn't come all at once. 7. Help Your Kids With Their Emotions

[00:03:16] Kids are faced with challenges every day, and sometimes it's too much to bear. I quit. I can't. It's not fair. When we hear phrases like these, our first instinct might be to stop these negative emotions. After all, how can kids be optimistic when they're being so negative? But we have to teach our kids that all emotions, even the negative ones, are okay. It's normal to feel disappointed or angry when something doesn't work out.

[00:03:44] We can empathize with them, helping them feel validated, seen, and heard. Phrases like, I get it, or I understand that's frustrating, can go a long way. Once we've connected with our kids, we can help them deal with their hard emotions. We can talk through what happened, or even brainstorm ways to cope with their anger or frustration. If any consequences are necessary, make sure they know the consequence is a result of how they handled their emotion.

[00:04:12] Throwing, hitting, breaking something. Not the emotion itself. Then, you can talk through how to handle it better next time. Learning to deal with emotions in a healthy way helps kids bounce back and cope with difficulty. 8. Model Resilience for Your Children One of the best ways to raise resilient kids is to be a resilient parent. Lynn Lyons, co-author of Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents, talks about the importance of modeling positive behaviors.

[00:04:42] She says, Quote, Kids watch adults and absorb how they are managing their own stress, how they problem-solve their own adult problems, how they talk catastrophically about grown-up things, or use avoidance and accommodation as a way to minimize their own uncertainty and worry. End quote. In short, our kids are learning from us. How are we doing? Luckily, we don't have to be perfect to be good parents.

[00:05:08] We just need to be consistent, reliable, and willing to admit and work on our mistakes. To recap, here are the 8 ways to raise resilient kids. Life is filled with challenges and disappointments. But that doesn't mean our kids can't learn how to be resilient and optimistic through it all. The key is to raise them with the tools they need to bounce back from challenges, solve problems, and find a way forward. Here is a quick recap of how you can do that.

[00:05:37] Start by being a strong, reliable support system and making space for other positive adult role models. Help your kids gain confidence by priming them for success. Allow your kids to make mistakes so they can learn from them. Step into a coaching role and do things with your child rather than for them. Foster independence by teaching your child how to problem-solve. Praise your child's processes, rather than just the result, to develop a growth mindset.

[00:06:06] Help your child learn to embrace all emotions and deal with them in healthy ways. And be an example of resilience. In the end, our goal is to raise resilient kids who can do things on their own. We wish we could shield them from difficulty and raise them in a bubble. But teaching them how to thrive no matter what is much better. You just listened to part 2 of the post titled

[00:06:33] How to Raise Resilient Kids by Jen of thistimeofmine.com And a really hearty post full of great ideas from Jen. It's really relieving for parents to see work like this. Work that sheds light on how truly involved we can be in raising our children and shaping them into emotionally intelligent and healthy adults. And if there's one goal I would boil this article down to, that's what it would be.

[00:06:59] As parents, when we feel we can offer so much control and contribute so much to the adults that our children go on to become, it's easy to start shaping them into a certain direction that veers towards a specific skill set or maybe a career path. Just a reminder that for a list like this, which is as balanced of an approach to parenting as one could ask for, the goal again is emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent children.

[00:07:27] When we can keep terminology like this at the forefront of our minds, each way that we steer our children has a foundation on healthy living and our actions have a good north star. If, however, we substitute this kind of approach with, I'm going to make my child a winner or make my child successful, it becomes much easier to change course and slowly attach ourselves to the wrong outcomes. This work and the best parenting is about raising whole children,

[00:07:55] and whole children are much more capable of finding success in their own ways and in many aspects of life. So we are preparing them to steer their own ship. We're not steering the ships for them. This is especially so as they get older and more independent. Thanks a lot to Jen for sharing her work with us now and in the future. So I hope you have a great rest of your day, and I hope you'll come back tomorrow. That's where your optimal life awaits.