2516: The Circle Of Pain - Relationship and Break Up by Eddie Corbano of Love's A Game on Dating Advice

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, The Circle Of Pain, Relationship and Breakup by Eddie Corbano of Loves A Game.com Let me tell you a little story. There was this client of mine, let's call him Simon. Simon was quite a handsome guy. A lot of women were interested in him and wanted to meet him, and he sure was enthusiastic about that.

[00:00:23] The only problem was, he didn't know what to do when he was on a date. So if his date wasn't a nymphomaniac man-eater, he didn't score. He used to tell me things like, She was okay, but there was this psychopathic laugh that turned me off. These were excuses, apparently. Then he met this girl, she liked him very much, who took the initiative and won him over. Although she wasn't his type, he gave in.

[00:00:51] Now comes the part where they lived happily ever after. Or not. Yeah, you guessed it. He struggled with the relationship, always looking for something better to come his way, and he didn't take care of her. In short, he did everything to scare her away. Eventually, it wasn't his idea of a relationship, he told himself. But she loved him and did everything to sustain their relationship.

[00:01:14] Now comes the interesting part. The moment he was pleased with their relationship, and he actually started to love her, she left him. Shocked? Or did you see it coming? Needless to say that after that, he was devastated. It took him over two years to get over it. The real shocker now is that this whole disaster repeated itself with other girls four times now.

[00:01:39] Yes, you heard that correct. Four times. He was caught in a circle of bad relationships and breakups, and found himself incapable of breaking free. Anyone recognizing themselves here? But not anymore. Together, Simon and I found the reason for his permanent struggle, and he is currently in a happy, fulfilling relationship. What was causing his constant struggle and his inability to have a normal relationship?

[00:02:07] Please listen on. You'll understand. Simon started every relationship dissatisfied. He found himself incapable of looking for a girl he really liked. He was too afraid to approach the girls he found attractive, so instead of learning how to find the partner he was looking for, he was content with the first partner to come along. Better than being alone, right? Wrong. Wrong.

[00:02:31] He always had the feeling that he was coerced into a relationship he didn't want, and was putting up resistance whenever he could. He was subconsciously sabotaging the relationship. Maybe someday, some better girl will come along. Why did he do this, you may ask? There were two main reasons. The first one is maintained early childhood behavior. If a child doesn't get what it wants, it looks for other ways to compensate, like protesting or sabotaging.

[00:02:57] The frustration that he was not living the life he wished for himself amplified this protesting attitude. You would be really surprised how many behaviors from early childhood are still present as an adult. Identifying them is the first step to improvement. Another issue Simon was struggling with was his incapability of being alone. He never learned to be. Being alone is something many people fear more than the underworld, and this fear often drives them into doing things they don't want,

[00:03:26] or prevents them from doing things they don't want, like starting an unhealthy relationship or being unable to break free from one. Being alone is something many people fear more than eternal damnation. Learning to be alone gives you faith that you can survive on your own, gives you opportunity to find your true self, and most importantly, to learn what you really want. And by realizing who you really are and what you want, you also will know what kind of partner is best for you.

[00:03:54] Unfortunately, there is no other and easier way of learning this. That's why I find it not likely that this process would repeat itself from the beginning. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is for you that you learn how to be happy being alone. For only then will you be able to recognize the right person when they come along. Simon also learned to change his false behavior by first recognizing it, and then consciously and constantly on a daily basis,

[00:04:23] substituting it with another, better one. He identified his problems with a little help from myself, and now finds himself capable of maintaining healthy relationships. So can you. Shake off the slavery of this vicious cycle of relationship and breakup, and live the life you've always wanted. Then you can laugh about this tiny little guy and his lifelong quest. Your friend, Eddie Corbano.

[00:04:52] You just listened to the post titled, The Circle of Pain, Relationship and Breakup, by Eddie Corbano of lovesagame.com. And thanks so much to Eddie for sharing this story, hopefully with Simon's permission. Uh, oh no, he changed his name. Just kidding. And to me, it's such a good lesson in knowing about our patterns, right? This is especially important if you find yourself frustrated with your current relationship status, or your relationship journey. You know, if you're content with being single, for example,

[00:05:20] content enough that you believe in who you are and your approach to your relationships, then there's less need to look into this and stress so much. But on the other hand, if there is frustration on your part, then it's more important than ever to consider the role you are playing, since you, of course, are the common denominator in all these failed relationships. And it can be hard to turn the light on ourselves like this, not only because of our inherent biases, but also just because it's difficult to make these discoveries without a sense of shame sometimes.

[00:05:50] But as Eddie alluded to, our conditioning is so strong and can follow us for so long that any step we take to better understand ourselves, whenever we take it, is a step in the right direction that should only be celebrated. Something to think about, everyone. Time to get going, though. So, really happy you stopped in today and gave a award to you listen. And you know we're going to keep doing what we're doing. So, come on back tomorrow for another great post, where your optimal life awaits.