2518: [Part 2] Let’s Regain the Proper Perspective About Sports in Our Kids’ Lives by Jay Harrington of Life and Whim

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[00:01:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Let's regain the proper perspective about sports in our kids' lives. Part 2, by Jay Harrington of LifeAndWim.com. Keeping Up With The Juniors The phrase Keeping Up With The Joneses comes from a cartoon strip started in 1913, in which the cartoonist mocked people's obsession with everyone else's stuff. First the Joneses, now we're keeping up with the Kardashians.

[00:01:29] We measure ourselves against others based on status symbols, such as cars, houses, clothing brands, and club memberships. We've all fallen victim at some point, and to some extent, to the desire to keep up with our neighbors' success, or at least how they outwardly project success through the accumulation of stuff.

[00:01:48] The internet has made it worse. We used to just envy what was in our neighbor's driveway. Now we're bombarded with images of fancy dinners, sporting events, and exotic trips via social media. And unfortunately, many parents have started using their kids as the yardstick by which they benchmark their self-worth and societal status.

[00:02:07] We all want more for our kids. That's a classic American virtue, and one worth sustaining. But competing with other adults via our children? That's new and disturbing, harmful to both parent and child. This phenomenon is perpetuated by the over-the-top actions of parents who relentlessly drive their children to excel in endeavors such as sports, academics, and music, not for their child's benefit, but for their own.

[00:02:34] We all brag about our kids. But these people take it to a whole new level. It's the dad that manipulates the Little League draft so that his 7-year-old gets on the right team, or the mom that browbeats the teacher into making that B and A. His son is a star, and her daughter is a whiz, after all. They can't help but remind us how great their kid is, and by implication, what losers ours are.

[00:02:58] Social media is their 24-7 modern-day cocktail party at which to preen and strut. Psychologists have coined a term for this behavior, narcissistic parenting. Unfortunately, just as it's easy to feel a tinge of envy when your neighbor parks his new boat in the driveway, it's hard to not feel bad about ourselves when we learn little Susie just earned her brown belt in Taekwondo.

[00:03:21] So, we panic. Am I teaching my kids enough? Are they falling behind? Should I sign them up for more lessons? Next thing you know, your kids are busy five nights a week. I've experienced this, and our oldest just turned six. I'm sure the pressures grow exponentially as kids get older. Luckily, Heather is good about applying the brakes on this type of thing. I need to check myself every time I walk into my daughter's kindergarten classroom and start comparing her macaroni noodle art project to those of her classmates.

[00:03:51] The problem is most prevalent with sports, though. Instead of looking at the data that suggests that it's highly unlikely that our kids will play college sports, let alone go pro, and setting expectations in accordance with the data, we draw the opposite conclusion. We decide we need to start our kids even earlier and push them even harder. Or we hold them back in school so they will be bigger and stronger relative to their classmates in order to give them a better chance in athletics.

[00:04:18] This is the outliers phenomenon in youth sports, fueled by the discussion of the relative age effect in Malcolm Gladwell's best-selling book. And parents are pushing their kids toward one sport specialization at earlier and earlier ages, despite ample evidence that it's not necessary and generally is antithetical to achieving elite athletic status. This is crazy. As parents, we need to get a grip.

[00:04:45] We shouldn't try to fulfill our own unfulfilled dreams by driving our kids to be winners. What does it say about us when our kids feel that our love is conditional on their success and achievement? We need to remember that youth sports are for our kids, not ourselves. It's even crazier and more disheartening when you realize that many kids flame out anyway under the pressure, quitting their parents' favorite activities at 15 or 16 in the ultimate act of teenage rebellion.

[00:05:12] I'm sure many people think I'm full of it and that they can push their kid to athletic greatness. But to me, that's like thinking you can win the lottery by balling your fists, furrowing your brow, and trying to will the right ping pong balls to blow out of the machine. Not going to happen. By and large, it's an outcome that's up to your kid, not you. Let's take back the fields of play. A big step in the right direction to ameliorate the problem

[00:05:38] would be to support and encourage good coaches that have the right perspective. That participation in sports is an important way to form the foundation of a good human being, first, and a good athlete, second. Coaches like the legendary Bob Latisor of De La Salle High School in Coronado, California, whose football teams won 399 games over 34 seasons, including 151 in a row at one point.

[00:06:04] His story was recently depicted in a movie called When the Game Stands Tall. Here's one of the most powerful quotes from the movie. Quote,

[00:06:34] End quote. In other words, sport is about building character. I have been fortunate to have coaches like this in my life. My high school baseball coach, Dan Griesbaum. My college coach, Dan Schmitz. My dad, who was a remarkable two-sport athlete. He was the initial inductee in his College Hall of Fame, baseball and basketball. And the basketball program's MVP award is still named the Jim Harrington Award more than 50 years later.

[00:07:02] And he never lost sight of the proper role of sports in my life. I know this is a big problem. I have no idea what the big picture answer is. But I guess it's up to each of us to regain the proper perspective when it comes to our kids' athletic endeavors. I plan on starting this spring. I'm coaching Maddie's soccer team, and the only thing that will matter is fun. Whether that means picking dandelions, scoring goals, or drinking Capri Sun, that's cool with me. It's fun that will keep them coming back for more.

[00:07:36] You just listened to part two of the post titled, Let's Regain the Proper Perspective About Sports in Our Kids' Lives, by Jay Harrington of LifeAndWim.com A very important message here to finish up this two-part post from Jay today. Thank you so much to him for a really great read through and through. If we really peel back another layer to this problem Jay has discussed, we find that it isn't about the sports or the accolades, right? But more so about recognition.

[00:08:05] Parents wanting their kids to be recognized and parents themselves wanting to be recognized. Sure, you could argue that some parents push their kids so hard for the sake of financial gain, should they become professional athletes. But barring that, it's this unique blend of having social significance, keeping up with increased competition, and really the fear of unmet potential. It goes without saying that this is unhealthy in a series of ways, not the least of which is forgetting the value of having fun for fun's sake.

[00:08:33] And for parents who are tempted to push their children into certain things, in addition to questioning what personal void they're seeking to fill, they should also be encouraged to reflect on the very thing all adults love about children, which would be the carefree nature of childhood. The innocence and easy sense of joy is something most all adults wish they could return to. And to face the truth of the fact that pushing our kids so hard

[00:09:00] is the same thing as prematurely stripping that which we love about them, that innocence and joy, well, it may allow us to see those actions differently and more truthfully. And that is going to do it for now, everyone. I am so glad you stopped in today and threw up the whole week here on ORD. And be sure to come back and do the same tomorrow, where I will have another post for you. That's where your optimal life awaits.