2534: [Part 2] Do This, Not That: 10 Alternatives to Yelling by Jen of This Time of Mine on Parenting Guidance

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Do This, Not That, 10 Alternatives to Yelling, Part 2 by Jen of ThisTimeOfMine.com 4. Don't Threaten Act neutral. As parents, it's our job to introduce and teach consequences. Some are natural, and others are chosen by us.

[00:00:23] But in the heat of the moment, that's not the best time to dangle a consequence, especially one we might not be able to follow through on. When we're angry, it's easy to find ourselves threatening with consequences that are either too big or don't fit the crime. So rather than leading with an if-slash-then statement, try some of the other alternatives in this post. Then, if nothing is working, it's time to hold your child accountable. But stay neutral.

[00:00:51] For example, instead of, if you don't clean this up right now, then... Try, I'm sorry you chose not to follow instructions. Followed by a reasonable and related consequence. Keep your body language and tone of voice neutral. The consequence is a result of their action, not as vengeance from a mad parent. 5. Don't Be Vague

[00:01:17] Say what you mean. It's time to go. When? In five minutes? Right this second? So often, I would say this exact phrase over and over with no avail. Why wouldn't anyone just listen the first time? When I finally thought about it, I realized that I'd say, It's time to go. Then run upstairs to get something. I'd say it again. Then start going through the house to turn all the lights off. Then I'd say it louder. While I ran to the bathroom real quick.

[00:01:45] Only to yell it while I started changing the baby's diaper. No wonder no one took me seriously. We need to say what we mean, when we mean it. We have to be clear. And that includes, it's time for dinner, or anything we say over and over while multitasking. 6. Don't Give In Stay firm. If you've asked your child to do something several times with no luck, don't shrug it off thinking,

[00:02:12] Fine, whatever. It's not worth it. Follow through. This is especially hard for moms with multiple children. We are often so caught up in other things that it seems easier to forget it. But if we want our kids to learn to listen, we have to stay consistent. We have to be reliable. Our kids have to learn that it's not okay to ignore us until we yell. So don't say anything until you're prepared to follow through.

[00:02:40] 7. Don't Be Unreasonable Pick your battles. If something is important and we need our kids to obey, we need to stay firm, just like I said. But is everything always so important? Sometimes we need to loosen the reins a little. We need to step back and ask ourselves if something is really worth turning into a big deal. Is it serving a purpose? Or are we just trying to win a battle?

[00:03:07] One of the hardest parts of parenting is letting go of some control. We still need to teach our kids and maintain order, of course. But we also need to be understanding of where our kids are coming from. Sometimes kids are as slow as snails. And other times they really do need the entire roll of tape to complete their artwork. That's just how it is. 8. Don't Take It Personally Remain the Adult

[00:03:34] Years ago, when I was student teaching, my mentor teacher taught me a powerful lesson. She said, I know I'm relinquishing control as soon as I resort to sarcasm. It's hard to admit to ourselves. But sometimes we start sinking to our children's level. When we start being sarcastic, accusatory, or defensive, we're giving control of the situation to our kids. We are putting them in power. And they know it.

[00:04:03] Sometimes kids are the sweetest. And sometimes they're jerks. That's just part of child development. They're constantly testing boundaries so they can establish their safety zones, whether it's obvious or not. And it's our job to help them out. So when you feel yourself losing some control of your maturity, catch yourself and find another way. Hopefully with one of these yelling alternatives. 9. Don't Explode Take a time out.

[00:04:31] If all else fails and you're about to lose it, it's time to leave the situation for a moment. Not only is this an excellent way to regain control of your emotions, it's also the perfect opportunity to teach your kids an anger management technique. Our kids watch and learn from our behaviors. So when they see us take steps to control our anger, they'll learn it's something they can do too. Say something like, Mommy's feeling angry right now. I need a quick time out.

[00:05:00] And say it out loud. There is an incredible power in calling out your emotion for what it is. Naming it makes it something that can be controlled and managed, rather than something you can't help. For a quick time out, physically move into a new location and take a second to calm yourself down. Then you'll be able to think clearly and rationally so you can get the situation under control. 10. Don't Give Up

[00:05:29] Take it one situation at a time. We're all human and we all get angry. We won't always handle every situation perfectly, but we can't pile that onto the mom guilt so many of us feel already. If you mess up, be kind to yourself. You are not a bad parent. You love your kids and are a good mom, or you wouldn't be searching for yelling alternatives in the first place.

[00:05:52] But as nice as it would be to read an article like this and never yell at our kids again, we still have to take it one situation at a time. And the more we practice, the better we'll get at it. You just listened to part two of the post titled, Do This, Not That, 10 Alternatives to Yelling by Jen of thistimeofmine.com

[00:06:20] And thanks a lot to Jen for sharing this post. I really enjoyed this one a lot. Now, like I said in the commentary yesterday, the post started off with a lot of specific guidelines related to rhetoric and presentation. Sure enough, we saw today how she paired that really nicely with some closing tips that are more mindset-based. And the two really do need to go hand in hand. I feel like especially in tips 6 through 10, she gave us a chance to tap into our inner children.

[00:06:47] And the frustrations we might feel which could encourage us to digress a little bit in our approach. I hope those guidelines help you if you find yourself getting close to this point sometimes. And I might also recommend learning and keeping an eye on your triggers if that sounds like you. What tends to set you off where you lose your composure? What behavior do you start displaying when this happens? Maybe it's sarcasm like we heard in the article. And then, what plan for composing yourself can you create now when you're level-headed

[00:07:16] so you're more ready to handle it in the moment it comes up? Things to think about. I'm going to wrap this one up now though, folks. I hope you liked this article as much as I did, and I thank you for joining me for both parts of it. I'm wishing you a very happy Friday and start to the weekend. Keep it classy out there, and I'll see you back here tomorrow for the Saturday Show, where your optimal life awaits.