2540: Rejection Cuts the Deepest AND True Love is Inexhaustible by Rosalyn Palmer

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Rejection Cuts the Deepest by Rosalyn Palmer of rosalynpalmer.com Quote, Rejection doesn't mean that you aren't good enough. It means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer. End quote. Our deepest fear as human beings is the fear of rejection. Reject a baby and it will die physically or fail to thrive emotionally.

[00:00:26] Think of nature and it's the same. Picture a David Attenborough documentary as he speaks in hushed tones and we watch the baby wildebeest crying for its mother after crossing the river. It has been separated from its mother and will die. Think of the small cuddly panda cub who is rejected by a mother more intent on eating bamboo. Unless hand reared, it too will perish. So rejection cuts the deepest. Rejection by a parent or sibling as you grew up.

[00:00:53] Rejection at school. Perhaps you were bullied as you were different. Rejection in your much hoped for career, so you've had to settle at your job and hate every day. Rejection in love. Having your heart broken so badly that you feel unable to breathe. It's horrible, but it's survivable. Some people seem able to bounce back from rejection time and time again. Type into Google celebrities who have come back from rejection and thousands of examples appear.

[00:01:21] Madonna and U2 were famously passed over by record producers who didn't feel that they were ready before they signed to greatness. J.K. Rowling had so many rejection letters prior to finding a publisher for Harry Potter that she just filed them in a box in her attic. In one of Fred Astaire's first screen tests, an executive wrote, Can't sing, can't act, slightly balding, can dance a little. Change the word celebrity to business person on the Google search and an even bigger list appears.

[00:01:50] Walt Disney was fired from the Kansas City Star because his editor felt he lacked imagination and had no good ideas. Are these bounce back kids wired differently than you and me? No. They simply deal with rejection in a different way, and it's more than just rolling with the punches. I also hear at difficult times the strains of tub thumping, I get knocked down but I get up again, by Chumbawamba in my head. No.

[00:02:16] Those who are truly bulletproof don't just bounce back from setbacks. They go a big step further and don't let criticism or nastiness in. They keep their self-esteem high. They love themselves no matter. Children naturally do not shy away from their dreams and passions. Without any outside influences, they say yes, and are able to imagine and dream and daily live in a place of wonder and joy. That ability is still within you. You were born with it.

[00:02:46] That is what is real. That is the truth. All that is the world today, every building, every invention, was first imagined and then made real. True Love is Inexhaustible by Rosalind Palmer of rosalindpalmer.com Quote, True love is inexhaustible. The more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead,

[00:03:15] the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow. End quote. By Antoine de Saint-Exupery. The depth of emotion I felt when watching the royal wedding of Harry and Meghan took me by surprise. I found myself crying. At first, tears of joy. And then something deeper and sadder. As I advocate working out what you are feeling rather than ignoring it, I sat with it. And I realized I was mourning my two marriages. They ended in divorce.

[00:03:45] I don't say failure as I have learned so much from them. I also learned from some of the world's leading relationship experts that the route to an amazing relationship is to become the person you want to attract. By matching their values, standards of behavior, and character. If you want to attract someone driven, solvent, fit, adventurous, open, and passionate, guess what? Chances are they will want the same in you. This is clearly true of Harry and Meghan.

[00:04:14] In her, he sees a woman who can navigate the unusual world he lives in. A woman who is kind, fun, supportive, and brave. We know that if he has chosen her from all of the millions of women who would gladly marry him, that she has to have something special about her beyond her looks and smile. If you want a potential or existing partner to love what they see in you, then you need to look inside yourself and work out if you love what you see.

[00:04:40] To have intimacy, you need to into me see. If you are filled with self-loathing, then hiding it with any of the masks we wear, makeup, fine clothes, accessories, cosmetic procedures, etc., may work for a while, like a sticking plaster. They may even hold up long enough to get someone interested in you. But after five minutes, you're on your own. Determine what you want from a love relationship.

[00:05:07] Make a list of what your ideal mate would be like and look like. What are their values? What do you want? What works for you? Connection? Respect? It's also important to work out what are your relationship shoulds and musts. If you have a rule such as they must be entirely faithful to me, and their rule on being faithful is a should, then trouble may be ahead and the relationship can deteriorate into a nasty tit-for-tat battleground. Or worse, into apathy.

[00:05:37] The opposite of love is not hate. Both are powerful and passionate. Think of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, who are trapped in a can't-live-with-you-or-without-you loop. The opposite of love is indifference. This is when trouble sets in. So don't live your life by becoming indifferent to your partner or to your desire to find the right partner. Live an amazing life where you can plan for joy, love, and connection. Also, if that special person has not been attracted into your life yet,

[00:06:07] or your relationship has hit some speed bumps in the road of life, it doesn't mean you should give up on love. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex didn't. You just listened to the posts titled, Rejection Cuts the Deepest and True Love is Inexhaustible. Both by Rosalyn Palmer of rosalynpalmer.com And thanks so much to Rosalyn for a pair of dandies today.

[00:06:34] I really like the work she shared, particularly the second post. This idea of being the partner you want to have reminds me of what's called the Dunning-Kruger effect. And that is a cognitive bias in which we overestimate our ability to do something, or assume ourselves to be better at it than we are. And guess what? But most, if not all, probably all of us have this within some area of our lives.

[00:07:00] So, my challenge for you is to think about how the Dunning-Kruger effect may be getting the best of you in your relationships. If you're struggling in your relationship or you're struggling to find a relationship, think critically about how well you showcase the certain traits that you'd like your partner or theoretical partner to exhibit. Ask friends or acquaintances, maybe, for non-biased opinions on how they feel you hold up in this way. And really listen to them.

[00:07:28] And even if their opinions are skewed, they are still the opinions of others. They are still reflecting the vibe you give out. And we can learn something from that. Okay, everybody. That will do it for this one. Another episode in the books. Thanks to Rosalyn Palmer. I enjoyed this work. I hope you did, too. It's time to get out of here. But you know I'll be back again tomorrow with more relationship-building content. And that's where your optimal life awaits.