2549: As an Introverted Mom, I Often Have to Tell My Guilt to Shut Up by Kristi Pahr of Introvert Dear

[00:00:00] Hey, it's Justin from Optimal Living Daily. Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this Yoga Nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily.

[00:00:24] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. As an Introverted Mom, I Often Have to Tell My Guilt to Shut Up by Kristi Pahr of IntrovertDeer.com

[00:00:37] To my family, I love you with my entire soul. When I look at you, my children, my heart aches from the beauty of your innocence and the peace you spread with your smiles and laughter. When I see my husband, I feel warm and safe and loved. I am blessed beyond belief and thankful for every day I have with all of you. But, you have got to stop touching me. For five minutes, just stop touching me.

[00:01:06] My sweet, sweet baby. Nursing you makes me feel like a mama goddess. And looking down into your sweet, beautiful, open face is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. You make my heart full and I love you beyond reason. But at the end of the day, I just want my chest to myself. I want to sit down and not have tiny fingers pulling at my shirt or pinching me.

[00:01:30] I adore nursing you to sleep. But if you don't close your eyes and go to sleep soon, I may crawl right out of my skin and go running down the street like a crazy person. My amazing big boy. Your capacity for empathy is astounding. And every day you impress me more with the depth of your understanding. You light up every room you enter with your smile. And I will spend the rest of my days loving you.

[00:01:55] But no. Emphatically, no. You cannot sit in my lap right now. Between your super sweet, constant patting and stroking of my hair, your wanting to be carried through the house because I carried your baby brother, and your inexplicable need to sit in my lap while I go to the bathroom, I just cannot, for one additional moment, be touched. My dear husband, no. Just no. Not tonight. I'm sorry. I love you dearly. But get off me.

[00:02:25] At the end of these long, hard, stressful days with little ones constantly needing mama-ing, when I'm covered in drool and boogers and God knows what else, when I've eaten chicken nuggets and a half a brown banana that someone promptly asked to share, at the end of the day, my dear, dear family, your introverted mama just needs a minute. She needs a minute to remember that she is not just a mama, but a person. Not just a wife, but a woman.

[00:02:54] Not just here for you, but for herself as well. She needs space to breathe and remember herself as she is, not just as you see her. She needs time to be the person she is, in addition to the person you need her to be. Be patient with your mama, dear family. She is not patient with herself. She feels that she does not give enough, and instead of enjoying this downtime, this quiet time, she feels guilt.

[00:03:21] But when the house is dark and quiet and soft and loud, snores drift out of cracked doors, this mama can take a breath, thank the universe for her family, and that they are sleeping. I knew it would be hard, this mothering and wifing. I knew it would be draining. But ultimately, I knew it would be worth it. But in my heart of hearts, my secret places, I was worried and scared. When thought became reality,

[00:03:49] and there was a tiny needful person in my arms and at my breast, I was so terrified. That I would lose myself. That I would never be who I was before or who I wanted to be one day. And I was lost. I was lost in giving myself to my family. I burned out, fast and hard. Postpartum depression was a beast. A scary, scary beast. And after that first year, I realized that I had to be a little selfish

[00:04:17] with my time and with myself. It didn't mean that I loved you any less, my family. It meant that I had to love myself a little more so that I could love you like you deserved. It's still hard, and the guilt still sneaks in. When I'm sitting alone, my guilt tells me that I should be cuddling with you, little ones. It whispers that the days are long, but the years are short. It tells me that you, my loving husband, need me too. But to be the best mama I can be,

[00:04:47] I have to tell my guilt to shut up. So, to any other introverted mamas who are listening to this, know that you are my sister and my kindred. You are not alone. You are a good mama despite what you may think. Take care of yourself. Go for a walk. Stay up late. Wake up early. Find your peace. And do what you need to do. Do not feel guilty about taking time for yourself. Your family will be there when you get back. They will love you.

[00:05:15] And they will probably want to touch you. So, get ready. You just listened to the post titled, As an Introverted Mom, I Often Have to Tell My Guilt to Shut Up. By Christy Parr of IntrovertDeer.com. Hey, it's Justin from Optimal Living Daily. Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR, or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so,

[00:05:43] this Yoga Nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily. And a big thank you to Christy for her vulnerability in today's article. Great content, which we are really appreciative for. And a significant reminder to all of us, not just mothers, that it is okay for us to need our space sometimes.

[00:06:13] We are allowed to be fed up with not just the common stressors like work, but also those who we love, like our families. It's very easy to suppress this and feel guilty for these feelings, as the title of the article alludes to. But these are feelings that, just like any other feelings, build and become more disruptive if we do not allow ourselves to have them. So, retool yourself a little and ask questions like,

[00:06:41] why shouldn't I be allowed to want some time away from my family once in a while? Why can't I ask for time like that? And also remember that I love them and am doing my best for them. Why do I keep doing more than I can handle without asking for a little break to recharge and come back stronger? In the most functional families, members respect one another enough to help them through these times and feelings. But families can't even get there if we don't first allow ourselves to have difficult feelings

[00:07:10] and then allow ourselves to express those feelings. Something to think about today, everyone. Wishing you a great rest of your Thursday. Really happy to have had you here once again. But it is time to wrap up. So, please share this with someone that you think it could help and do come on back for tomorrow's episode as we tackle more parenting content and where your optimal life awaits.