2562: How to Communicate in a Relationship, Illustrated by One Very Good Convo by Kylee Lessard of A Blue Sky Mind

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily, How to Communicate in a Relationship, Illustrated by One Very Good Convo by Kylee Lessard of ablueskymind.com.

[00:00:30] Ty asked me a terrifying question this morning. It's Saturday, and he just walked in from his morning workout. I was sitting on the couch, enjoying my weekend computer and coffee time. Hey, do you have some time to talk over coffee in like five minutes? I wanted to discuss something with you. I am immediately a baby gazelle on the savannah. My heart rate quickens and my vision focuses on a single point. My mouth goes a bit dry and my brain thinks, he's breaking up with me.

[00:00:59] My mouth says, oh so casually. Sure. Why? What's up? It makes me nervous when you ask like that. I have baggage when it comes to this question. An ex of mine, someone who was battling mental health demons at the time, had an awful pattern of spending a blissful weekend with me only to call me on Monday night and break up with me. I'd cajole and plead with him, and by the end of the call, we'd have made it through. But the pattern persisted for well over a month.

[00:01:27] Every time he wanted to talk about something, it was to break up with me. You could say this is the opposite of how to communicate in a relationship. Ty assured me, still the baby gazelle, that it was nothing to be nervous about. He told me he was trying something new that would help prevent surprises in our relationship. At least the bad surprises that no one likes to get. I gulped, audibly, and did my best to return to my computer time with my thoughts a frenzy.

[00:01:55] How to communicate in a relationship Be intentional about asking for time Five minutes later, he comes back to the living room. Okay, I'm still nervous, but what's up? I ask. He sat down and assured me he just wanted my full attention for an important conversation. A conversation about how his upcoming career transition would require him to tap into his support network, and that I, being a big part of his support network, would likely be impacted.

[00:02:24] He wanted to open the floor for a conversation about how we'd manage the upcoming strain of his job change together. And he wanted to make intentional space for this conversation, because both his career and relationship are important to him. Expect and invite a two-way dialogue It was a beautiful setup on his part, because I do have thoughts about this upcoming change in his job. He's going to be taking on a leadership role at a high-growth startup, doing work at a level he's never done before,

[00:02:53] with pressure he's never felt before. Ty is already an extremely work-driven person, with a high degree of interest and personal drive in the realm of business. When you give him an opportunity to combine this intrinsic passion with a vested interest, i.e. the opportunity to make money, he could downright disappear into a dark hole for three weeks at a time, and be happy as a clam, as long as he had a laptop and high-speed internet connection. While I'm wildly supportive of his ability to step up and take on a stretch role,

[00:03:23] even encouraging him to take this role over what could have been an easier option, I'm not naive. I know this new job is going to challenge our relationship. I knew it when I encouraged him to take it, and I know it now. It's been a theme in our relationship from early on, that we don't have the same orientation toward work and working, in a way that makes it easy for me to get frustrated about the number of hours he puts in on a weekly basis.

[00:03:47] So, him making intentional space for a conversation about managing our relationship through the change was incredibly thoughtful. It allowed me to first reiterate my support for his decision, and affirm the strength of our relationship. I'm truly so happy for him, and excited to support him in the new job. Reflect on what motivates your own feelings and behaviors.

[00:04:13] It also allowed me to reflect on the history of our challenges in this area, and consider what I might ask for in advance to help smooth over the demanding nights. When I get grumbly about how much Ty is working, it's usually for two reasons. One is admittedly selfish, the other, less so. Sometimes, I want your attention, and feel neglected when you choose to work instead of spend time with me. Other times, I'm just worried you aren't taking very good care of yourself, like when you work late,

[00:04:43] and wake up early five days in a row. Learn to negotiate. From there, we could have a productive conversation about mitigating some of these feelings for me. We talked about whether he perceives it as me showing care when I worry about his health, or the amount of sleep he's getting. He does. I asked if he wants my help influencing his behavior by showing care in that way. He does not. Around my more selfish needs, I felt there was space to make two asks of Ty.

[00:05:11] I want a built-in 10-20 minutes of couch snuggle time every night. If you want to get back to work after that, you can. I want as much forewarning as possible when you know you can't spend an evening with me, so I can make other plans and not be disappointed about not having a buddy when I want one. Both requests were granted, and we both left the conversation feeling more connected. Where good communication gets you. Weeks later,

[00:05:38] I'll be honest in that this one conversation alone has not mitigated all conflict related to our differing opinions of how many hours of work is appropriate to do in a single week. But, the foundation of this first conversation has helped us root the following conversations in love, and given us more of a shared language to use in discussion. Ladies, send this article to your boyfriend. Let them know that there's a script for these kinds of conversations.

[00:06:06] It only helps them make you feel better loved. You just listened to the post titled How to communicate in a relationship Illustrated by one very good convo By Kylie Lessard Of a bluesky mind dot com Hi Freunde, seid ihr gerade auf der Suche nach einer App, mit der ihr alle eure Finanzen im Überblick habt? Mit Finanzgeur erhältst du genau das. Ihr könnt alle eure Konten verbinden, egal ob Girokonto, Kreditkarte, Depot oder auch eure Kryptobörse.

[00:06:37] Und dabei werden alle eure Eindahmen und Ausgaben automatisch kategorisiert und übersichtlich in der App aufbereitet. Und habt ihr erst einmal ein Konto verbunden, zeigt ihr die App alle Verträge übersichtlich an. Ihr könnt sogar überflüssige Verträge per Fingertipp rechtssicher über die App kündigen. Falls das Ganze euch interessiert, checkt gerne mal die Finanzgeur App aus. Und jetzt viel Spaß mit dem Podcast. ServiceNow unterstützt ihre Business-Transformation mit der KI-Plattform. Alle reden über KI, aber die KI ist nur so leistungsfähig wie die Plattform, auf der sie aufbaut.

[00:07:05] Lassen Sie die KI arbeiten, für alle. Beseitigen Sie Reibung und Frustration Ihrer Mitarbeiter und nutzen Sie das volle Potenzial Ihrer Entwickler. Mit intelligenten Tools für Ihren Service, um Kunden zu begeistern. All das auf einer einzigen Plattform. Deshalb funktioniert die Welt mit ServiceNow. Mehr auf servicenow.de slash AI for People. And a great post to start off the week with. Thanks a lot to Kylie for sharing and thanks to Ty for initiating that conversation.

[00:07:33] I thought it was really great how at the end Kylie noted that even though this conversation was had, there's still been some conflict around the subject of Ty's work. And it's really important that she said that. And that she said it with such grace. Because the last thing we want to do is give up on communication. Or worse, put too many expectations on communication. Especially one single conversation. Good communication does not absolve a couple of any future arguing.

[00:08:02] And if we expect it to, it becomes very easy to stop communicating altogether. Simply because one fight arises about something that was previously discussed. What good communication does do is build a strong, healthy foundation for any disagreements that might ensue. And enables the couple to argue better. Right? Which is a lot more important than arguing less. They might argue better because respect has already been established. Because one another's needs have already been acknowledged.

[00:08:32] And these things combine to strengthen overall trust. They trust that they can offer differing opinions and not have to hide them. They trust that they will be heard and listened to even if they're disagreed with. They trust that their partner is willing to put in the effort. And these things really support the overarching long-term goals of a healthy couple. Which can and should supersede the goals that each individual has within an argument or disagreement.

[00:09:00] So, thanks again to Kylie. And thanks to all of you. I hope you can remember this article and apply it the next time that you need to get something off your chest with your partner. Or friends and family too. It's time to get out of here for now. But enjoy the rest of your Monday, everybody. If you're listening in real time, that is. And I will see you back here tomorrow. Where your optimal life awaits. Where your optimal life awaits.