2564: Still Love Your Ex? How To Move On Anyway by Eddie Corbano of Loves A Game on Emotional Freedom

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[00:01:00] People who try to move on after a breakup often face one big obstacle that they aren't even aware of. It's what I call the love barrier. Please, let me explain. How your love is prolonging your pain. After the breakup, you'll find yourself sitting home alone, trying to make sense of everything. Your ex has probably moved on already, maybe even during your relationship with them and you had no idea.

[00:01:24] And now they expect that you will just stop loving them and live your life. I don't have to tell you how incredibly hard that is, as if you could just flip a switch and unlove them like that. Yet if you don't, the love you feel will sabotage your healing efforts. Because everything you try to do to recover will be nullified by that one, all-absolving sentence. But I love him or her so much. The love barrier. How do you know if you really still love your ex?

[00:01:52] If you poke around a little and put your love under the microscope, you may discover a disturbing truth. It may not be all pure, unconditional love that you feel at this moment. Maybe you feel selfish love instead. Selfish love creates this fear of loneliness, egoism, lack of self-esteem, and a belief that you can't make it alone. It's what makes you social media stalk, beg, plead, and harass them. This isn't at all what real love looks like.

[00:02:21] Real, unconditional, altruistic love gives your ex space. It's what makes you wish them the best, even if it's without you in their lives. It's the let them fly, if they come back to you, they're yours mentality. It's the strength you receive from the certainty that you have loved and were loved in return. It helps you move forward after a breakup. You say that doesn't sound right, that it's all BS. Then rest assured that there are selfishness and egoism mixed in with the love you feel.

[00:02:51] Where does this come from, you may ask? It's founded in the self-limiting belief that we aren't worthy. See? I knew it. Why would she or he be with me? It comes from the lizard brain-induced fear that says you cannot survive on your own. You might get torn apart by wild animals. So, ask yourself. Do I really love my ex that much that I can't do what's necessary to heal and move on? Can I really not follow the no-contact rule? The solution.

[00:03:21] Three steps to move on while you still love them. Based on what we've discussed, you can tear down the love barrier by following these three steps. Number one, open up to the possibility that it's not just love you feel, but also fear, panic, and selfishness. Depending on how long ago your breakup was, whether you've idealized this relationship and your overall view on romantic love, this may be painful to realize. Ask yourself the following questions.

[00:03:50] What do I really feel for them? Were they really perfect? As perfect as I remember them? Can I come up with a list of ten things that I hated about them? Write that list. Number two, they're gone. Allow that to sink in. I've said it so many times. If they could walk away from you, then let them go. Don't try to change their mind. Don't ask them to come back. If they have the strength, decisiveness, and motivation to leave you,

[00:04:18] the best thing for you to do is accept it. Everything else will lead to pain and prolong the suffering. Acceptance is the first step to seeing significant improvement after your breakup, and you should make it your top priority to reach it. Consciously choose thoughts that will help you accept the reality of the breakup and all that comes with it. Number three, convince yourself that there's nothing wrong with you.

[00:04:41] The truth is you are attractive, compassionate, unique, funny, sexy, intelligent, and talented. And there are millions out there who would be happy to be with you. Believe it. The problem is you might not realize that, especially after the breakup, because you're so busy creating and wallowing in your own destructive self-narrative. You've created this false story about yourself, and you convince yourself daily that this is the way it is.

[00:05:08] I know what I'm talking about because I did that extensively after my breakup, up until a complete loss of self. That's the reason that at that moment, you are unable to say to your ex, you don't want to be with me anymore? You don't have to. I'll find someone who's worthy of my love. Goodbye. You are living a lie. So rewrite your story. You're the hero, and you don't chase someone who doesn't want you. You're confident, you smile, and you feel attractive.

[00:05:36] Let that confidence sink in and become a part of who you are. Conclusion. Is it okay to still love your ex? We use the love barrier to shield ourselves off from the things that could lead to losing our ex. We love them so much, that's why at the beginning, we don't want to get over them. But the surprising truth is that our love has layers. Not all of it is altruistic. Parts are of egotistical nature. Your subconscious will do everything to survive.

[00:06:04] The solution in how you destroy that obstacle is awareness, acceptance of the status quo, and rewriting the story that is you. This way, you can connect to the honest love you feel for them, because it's an extension of the love you feel for yourself. It'll give you strength, increase your self-appreciation, and ultimately help you move on. Remember, you are not who you think you are. You're so much better. You just listened to the post titled,

[00:06:34] Still Love Your Ex? How to Move On Anyway? By Eddie Corbano of lovesagame.com And thanks to Eddie for letting us read that post today. It's interesting to break love down into being selfish and non-selfish. That feels like something that could definitely warrant some further discussion. But for now, I think it's important that we remind ourselves that however we define selfish love, if we do experience it, it's still not wrong or unnatural.

[00:07:03] Whether we stay in that phase forever or if we're there just briefly, it's not a feeling to be ashamed of. It's not necessarily what you need to have a healthy relationship with the object of your affection, but it's also not something you're wrong for feeling. So if that's something you're experiencing, don't feel you have to rush out of it and force different thoughts upon yourself. The best thing you can do for you and the person you care for is to sit with these feelings, examine them, allow them, get curious about them,

[00:07:32] and see how you come out on the other side of that non-resistance. That acceptance, which Eddie obviously talked about a lot today. And with that, it is time to get going everybody. Thanks as always for joining me and contemplating Eddie's post. And as always, make sure to come on back tomorrow where I will have another post for you. And where your optimal life awaits.