2565: [Part 1] Ungrateful Child - 5 Ways to Combat Entitlement in Kids by Jen of This Time of Mine on Parenting

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[00:00:30] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Ungrateful Child? 5 Ways to Combat Entitlement in Kids. Part 1. By Jen of thistimeofmine.com. I want hot dogs for dinner. I hate chicken. The party was okay, but... everyone else gets to bring Lunchables to school. I'm bored with this. I wish there was something else to play with. We never get popcorn at the movies. It's not fair!

[00:00:59] Entitlement is a sneaky thing. We live in a world where discomfort is considered intolerable, and we mistakenly fall into the trap that our job as parents is to make sure our kids feel awesome. All the time. So we rush in to satisfy, help, and treat our kids so they never have to go without. After all, we love seeing our children happy. But when their desires start turning into demands, and enough is never enough, we can start feeling like we've created a monster.

[00:01:28] One that feels they deserve anything. Just because. Amy McCready, author of The Me, Me, Me Epidemic, puts it this way. Quote, The entitlement epidemic usually begins with over-parenting, over-indulging, over-protecting, over-pampering, over-praising, and jumping through hoops to meet kids' endless demands. Today's generation of parents is overly invested in their child's happiness, comfort, and success. End quote.

[00:01:55] The truth is that most people can't fully appreciate the things that come easily. So it's only natural for kids who don't have to work hard, wait patiently, or experience struggle to fall victim to entitlement. But luckily, there are a few remedies. If you've inadvertently given your child a sense of entitlement, if you're starting to notice ungrateful behavior, or if you're just worn down by endless negotiating, try one of these strategies to get your child back on track.

[00:02:24] What's the best way to end entitlement in kids? When our kids struggle with tying their shoes, we teach them. When our kids struggle with reading, we teach them. When our kids struggle with making a sandwich, we teach them. And we support them while they learn. But when our kids struggle with appreciating what they have, we punish and shame. Why? I'll be the first to admit that listening to my kids complain makes my skin crawl, especially when they should be acting grateful.

[00:02:54] Perhaps you feel the same. And when the complaining starts, you want to jump straight into mom-splaining about how lucky they are or how they should be grateful because there are so many children who don't have what they have. I'm right there with you. But let's be honest, shaming doesn't teach gratitude. Neither does punishment. Instead, we need to shift our focus and get back to teaching. Because empathy is a learned behavior. Gratitude is a learned behavior. Appreciation is a learned behavior.

[00:03:24] And contentment is a learned behavior. So if your child is acting ungrateful, all hope is not lost. It's developmentally appropriate for their focus to be inward, even into the teenage years. But you can teach the behaviors you'd like to see, and you can support each of your kids as they learn. Five ways to remedy ungrateful behavior in your child. Focusing on what you want to see more of, rather than what you want to see less of, will help you get clear in your teaching.

[00:03:54] And it will bring about lasting results. So to help you know where to start, here are five ways to teach your child to shift their behavior from ungrateful to appreciative. Number one. Expect more, do less. Parents do so many things for their kids in the name of love, including shielding their kids from work. But too much of a good thing can actually have adverse effects. Many parents hold off on chores because

[00:04:21] it's faster and easier for them to just do the chores. They believe their kids are too young to help. They worry their constant nagging about chores will damage their relationship with their kids. And they feel guilty for adding to the demands from school, friends, and other activities. But research, like that of Marty Rossman, shows that making kids do chores is worth the effort. In fact, Rossman says, quote, The best predictor of young adult success in their mid-twenties

[00:04:49] was that they participated in household tasks when they were three or four. End quote. Two. Create a family culture. It's normal for kids to compare themselves to others. But sometimes they can start focusing on the fact that some have more than them, or feel like what others have is better. Of course it's easy to take these comparisons personally or want to supplement so our kids can feel better.

[00:05:14] But we can best support our children in their growth by showing them that they should only compare themselves to themselves. You can teach your children that every family is different, and that it's okay for your family to do things your own way. Using the phrase, In our family, can be a powerful way to create a family culture and instill an understanding of your family's values and goals. For example,

[00:05:40] You could explain to your disappointed child that some families may watch this movie, bring that kind of lunch, have these kinds of toys, or participate in those kinds of activities, and that's okay. You could then say, This is just how we do it in our family. Creating a family culture of gratitude. Another element to add to family culture is gratitude. Make a family habit of pointing out things to be grateful for.

[00:06:07] Take it a step further by establishing a thankfulness routine. Give each person an opportunity to share something they're grateful for at the end of the day, at dinner, or even in the car on the way to after-school activities. To be continued, You just listened to part one of the post titled, Ungrateful Child? Five Ways to Combat Entitlement in Kids by Jen of thistimeofmine.com

[00:06:36] And a great start from Jen. Big thanks to her for that. Really a lot to think about already. And to think there's still more. I'm going to save my commentary for the end of tomorrow's episode once we've listened to the article in its entirety. So you're out of here early today, folks. Have a great rest of your night, and do be sure to come on back to hear the rest in tomorrow's Friday show. That's where your optimal life awaits. Thank you. Music for listening. Music for listening. Music for listening.