2577: [Part 1] Six Reasons People Get Stuck and How to Move Forward by Jay Harrington of Life and Whim

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Six Reasons People Get Stuck and How to Move Forward, Part 1 by Jay Harrington of LifeandWhim.com You're 30. You're advancing in your career, planning a wedding, and trying to pay off student loans. You're too busy. You're 40. You have kids, a mortgage, and college to pay for. You have too many responsibilities.

[00:00:25] You're 50. Your knee hurts. You're tired. You need to save for retirement. You're too old. Life goes by fast, and then faster and faster. If you're not careful, your bucket list will get filled with excuses rather than accomplishments and experiences. It's easy to allow routine to take hold, and once it does, progress often grinds to a halt. Next thing you know, you're wondering where the time went,

[00:00:51] and rationalizing why you deferred your dreams, which now seem unattainable. This scenario is a common one, but it need not be. One of the biggest reasons that Heather and I decided to move to Traverse City was that we felt stuck in the rut of routine. We didn't have to move to shake things up, but we concluded that a kick-in-the-butt catalyst would help propel things along at a much quicker pace.

[00:01:14] The experience has been insightful. We're still not sure exactly where we're headed, but we've gotten ourselves moving, and that's important because almost everything positive that has happened in our lives has come when we've stepped outside our comfort zones. But that's a difficult first step to take, and we're finding that it becomes even harder as we get older. Once you break down those walls, though, a world of possibility opens.

[00:01:40] To move forward, you first need to understand what is holding you back. Only after you've diagnosed the problem can you implement the right course of treatment. Here are six common ailments that impede progress and some ideas for moving forward. The first problem, the imposter syndrome. You've heard that voice in your head, that one that tells you that you're not good enough. It typically creeps in as soon as you step out of your comfort zone and whispers warnings that you don't belong, that you don't deserve it, that you're a fraud.

[00:02:11] The voice not only cuts you down, it builds others up. It tells you that those around you are smarter, better, and more talented. They have it all figured out. If you listen to that voice, you end up staying safely within your comfort zone and never moving forward. Fear is paralyzing. Psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes call this type of fear the imposter syndrome. They describe it as a feeling of phoniness in people who believe they are not intelligent,

[00:02:40] capable, or creative despite evidence of high achievement. They live in fear of being found out or exposed as frauds. If you've ever stepped in front of a podium to address an audience or been promoted to a job that you're not sure you can handle, then you've likely felt like an imposter. I just wrote my first book, set to be released this spring. And every day, I have to push back doubts about why anyone would be interested in reading what I have to say. Same goes for this blog post.

[00:03:10] Virtually all first-time parents wonder why the heck the doctors and nurses let them take their first child home from the hospital. Self-doubt can be a constant state of mind. The fix. Realize that everyone is an imposter. The most important step in overcoming the imposter syndrome is realizing that we are all imposters. No one knows what they're doing most of the time. For people who routinely step out of their comfort zones, uncertainty is a constant.

[00:03:39] As screenwriter William Goldman said, nobody knows anything. If we can come to grips with the fact that those around us are feeling the same sense of anxiety that we are, then pushing through the fear becomes easier. Instead of succumbing to self-doubt, embrace it. Successful people fake it till they make it. So just keep moving forward. The second problem. The sunk cost fallacy. Have you ever stayed in a job or a relationship for too long

[00:04:08] because you felt like you had so much time and effort invested in it that walking away, despite the fact that you were in a bad situation, was not worth the cost? Most of us have, which means we've fallen victim to the sunk cost fallacy. A sunk cost is one that has already been incurred and cannot be recouped. It's gone, and there's nothing we can do about it. The fallacy. Is that we believe we can recover sunk costs so we make bad decisions or no decision at all

[00:04:37] because we don't want to accept the fact that the past is in the past. So instead of making progress on a new path, we compound our mistakes based on the irrational desire to justify our prior decisions. In other words, we throw good money after bad. The fix. Know when to cut losses. Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu explained that, If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are going. End quote.

[00:05:06] While sunk cost fallacy may not have been part of the nomenclature when LT was pontificating 2,500 years ago, the principle exposed is the same. Know when to change course. Or in the words of modern-day wise man Kenny Rogers, know when to fold them. Not only do people overvalue sunk costs, but they undervalue future investments. They stay in situations for too long,

[00:05:32] even though they're not happy because they doubt their potential to pivot and make positive change. Sunk costs are by definition gone. You can't get them back. So there's no reason to regret past mistakes. And there's certainly no reason to compound them by not changing behavior. Learn from your past and remember that every stumble is a step toward your future. The third problem. Living for others.

[00:05:58] Ever sit through a speech or a meeting in which people were asked to raise their hands if they believe in X or don't believe in Y? What's the first thing that happens? Everyone looks around to see who else is or is not raising their hand. Why? Because people don't want to stand out for fear of being judged. Far too many people live their lives based on perceptions of what others may think of their actions and decisions, rather than, others be damned, focusing on their own dreams and desires.

[00:06:28] Instead of working to be happy, they worry about pleasing others. If I quit my job, what will my parents think? If I join or don't join this group, what will my friends say? How will my co-workers react if I speak up at the meeting? Will people like my social media post? This is no way to live, and it's a recipe for staying stuck. That's not to say that we all don't worry about what other people think of us from time to time. It's just that it can't be your guiding principle.

[00:06:56] If it is, it will exhaust you, despite the fact that it will cause you to stand firmly in place. Hear the fix in tomorrow's episode. You just listened to part one of the post titled, Six Reasons People Get Stuck and How to Move Forward, by Jay Harrington of lifeandwim.com Okay, everybody, and it's been a great start from Jay so far.

[00:07:22] Don't act like you can't relate or haven't been through at least some of what he's mentioned already. With that being said, hopefully his fixes have you thinking as well. There's more to get through, though, so I'm going to save my commentary until after tomorrow's part two, once we've heard the article in its entirety. In the meantime, enjoy the rest of your day. Apply the beginnings of this article wherever possible. And get excited for part two tomorrow. That's where your optimal life awaits.