2578: [Part 2] Six Reasons People Get Stuck and How to Move Forward by Jay Harrington of Life and Whim

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[00:01:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily – 6 Reasons People Get Stuck and How to Move Forward – Part 2. By Jay Harrington of LifeandWim.com The Fix Stop caring about what others think about you, because most people couldn't care less. How often do you think about what your friends are wearing or how your co-workers spend their weekends?

[00:01:24] Exactly. Almost never. Most of us are too busy thinking about our own lives to worry about what someone else is doing. And the same is true of others. They're not judging you. They're too worried about being judged themselves. If someone does judge you, so what? You'll never please everyone that's out of your control. What is in your control is how you react. You can either let it get you down, or you can ignore it and move forward.

[00:01:53] There's no way that everyone is going to like you. But depending on how you conduct yourself, you can earn everyone's respect. And that should be the objective. In other words, this is not a call to narcissism. It's a wake-up call to start living life on your own terms. Selflessness in service of those you love and who love you is an enduring virtue. But trying to please everyone is a dead end.

[00:02:18] The path to progress starts with having a well-developed value system and the courage to unabashedly express it. Again, not everyone will like it. But if you're true to yourself and your values, good ones obviously, then you'll be respected no matter where your path takes you. The fourth problem. Thinking, why me? Instead of, why not me? We hear a lot about overnight success stories. People who emerge from obscurity and skyrocket to fame and fortune.

[00:02:48] And businesses that start in a garage or dorm room and quickly command billion-dollar valuations. These stories make for great soundbites in the age of internet and social media. And they leave people thinking that success is more the result of a stroke of luck than it is hard work and determination. If success, like winning the lottery, is out of your control, then why even bother, right? If you believe that your destiny is preordained, then you're more likely to simply let life happen

[00:03:16] than you are to make life happen. The fix. Understand the elements of success. With few exceptions, the overnight success phenomenon is a myth. We see the end result, the fame and fortune, but we don't see the blood, sweat, tears, toil, failure, sacrifice, and rejection that enabled the achievement to happen. Almost no one achieves anything worthwhile the first time they try, or even the second or third.

[00:03:46] Indeed, the road to success for most is littered with failure. If you're willing to work hard and persevere through hardship, you can become successful. It just won't happen overnight. Those who grasp this don't look for lightning in a bottle. They don't fatalistically and self-defeatingly ask, why me? Instead, with calm confidence, they dig deep, roll up their sleeves, proclaim, why not me, and get to work.

[00:04:14] Success begins with an enduring belief in self and rapid pursuit of self-interest. The fifth problem. Fear of risk. Most people are risk-averse. In order to cover their downside, people try to start businesses on the side while working full-time. It rarely works. There's just not enough time and energy to go around. Or instead of putting their best idea forward in a monthly staff meeting, they propose three alternatives.

[00:04:42] The equivocation is plain for all to see, so the effort is muddled and ineffective. It's natural and understandable to avoid going all-in like a Vegas card shark pushing his chips to the center of the table. But sometimes that's what's required. That's because big ideas require bold action. The fix. Burn the boats. We all like to have a plan B. But what would happen if you had no options? Would you fall down or rise to the occasion?

[00:05:11] More often than not, when backed into a corner, people succeed. So when faced with a difficult task, instead of building yourself a mental escape hatch, take plan B off the table. Make failure an unacceptable option. Burn the boats. Legend has it that Alexander the Great employed this strategy to great success. He led his heavily outnumbered Greek army into battle with Persia, and the prospects were bleak. By all accounts, given the troop strength, the Greeks should have been routed.

[00:05:41] Knowing this, Alexander the Great did something unexpected. He ordered that his boats be burned, eliminating retreat as an option. There was only one way for his men to go. Forward. And they want a great victory. The same strategy was used by Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés in the 16th century, when his 600 men landed ashore in the New World and defeated the Aztec Empire. And it can be used by you too.

[00:06:08] Rather than playing it safe, go all in. After all, sometimes the best exit strategy is to have none at all. The sixth problem. Choosing should. There's a great essay on Medium by Elle Luna called The Crossroads of Should and Must. It explores the importance of decision-making and taking intentional, purposeful action in order to design the life you want, instead of allowing circumstances to dictate your path.

[00:06:37] She writes about the crossroads we all face in life, the crossroads of should and must. Should is how others want us to show up in the world. How we're supposed to think, what we ought to say, what we should or shouldn't do. In the vast array of expectations that others lay upon us. When we choose should, the journey is smooth. The risk is small. Choosing should is a close cousin of the third problem, living for others. Choosing should feels safe and secure.

[00:07:07] But it's a false sense of security. The security derives not from fulfillment or satisfaction, but from insulation, from the possibility of failure and disappointment. It's not irrational to fear taking the path less traveled. It is risky, after all. It's just important to understand the trade-offs. By choosing should, you may experience contentment. But you will miss out on the wild ride that results from chasing dreams. The fix. Choose must.

[00:07:35] Rather than choosing should, choose must. Luna explains, quote, Must is different. There aren't options and we don't have a choice. Must is who we are, what we believe, and what we do when we are alone with our truest, most authentic self. It's our instincts, our cravings and longings, the things and places and ideas we burn for. The intuition that swells up from somewhere deep inside of us.

[00:08:02] Must is what happens when we stop conforming to other people's ideals and start connecting to our own. Because when we choose must, we're no longer looking for inspiration out there. Instead, we're listening to our calling from within, from some luminous, mysterious place. End quote. I couldn't put it any better. Enough said. You just listened to part two of the post titled,

[00:08:29] Six Reasons People Get Stuck and How to Move Forward, by Jay Harrington of lifeandwim.com. And many thanks to Jay for letting us share this post.

[00:09:00] Certainly a great one, start to finish. And I really appreciate him offering guidance on how to fix the situation should we get stuck in any of the ways that he's presented. He certainly left you with a good guide. So what I recommend, for the sake of relationships, is also considering how you can exemplify these fixes for people you know who have found themselves stuck, but may not read this article or don't believe in the fixes that Jay has laid out.

[00:09:26] For example, if you have a friend that you know needs to take a big risk, or rather they verbalize needing to take a risk but not being able to take the plunge, look for opportunities in your own life to take some risks in a way that encourages your friend, but is also in line with your values and doesn't put your own well-being in danger. Leading by example is such a powerful means of helping loved ones in need, and when we do so, even if it means tweaking our behavior from what we might have done otherwise,

[00:09:55] we often learn something about ourselves too. So even if you've mastered the contents of this article for yourself, see how you can now use it to help a loved one out. And if you do struggle with being stuck in one of the six ways Jay listed, then I hope this article has been just what you need. Okay, that will do it for today everyone. Thank you kindly for dropping in and listening to both parts one and two. Time for me to get out of here now, but you know I'll be back with you again tomorrow, back on the horse reading more great relationship content for you.

[00:10:24] Hope to see you there, where your optimal life awaits.