2581: When I Realized I Wasn’t A Lazy Mom, I Was Just Overwhelmed by Shawna Scafe of Simple On Purpose

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. When I Realized I Wasn't A Lazy Mom, I Was Just Overwhelmed by Shawna Scafe of SimpleOnPurpose.ca. Do you ever feel like you go through the bulk of your life smiling and nodding every time a certain topic comes up? Maybe it's grade 11 math, or how to properly use effect with an E or effect with an A, or what really happens to be a responsible adult shopping list once they enter into a Costco.

[00:00:29] Then, one day it's like, boom, your brain decides to adult and you finally get it. For me, one of those things has been productivity. I'm still working on grammar and bulk grocery shopping strategies. I've always been of the mindset that I am lazy, unmotivated, complacent. It is true I have been all of those things. It is also true that I have been using that as a blanket statement to areas of my life that it doesn't fully apply to, like motherhood.

[00:00:58] I won't beat myself up with the term lazy mom anymore. Ever since I read this article, How to Overcome Your Own Laziness, I've changed my views. Are you lazy or are you overwhelmed? The first question this article asks is, are you really lazy or are you overwhelmed? How many of us moms feel this smashed up combination of both of these? The reality of being a mom is that there is just so, so much to get done.

[00:01:25] Housework, errands, meal planning, intentional parenting, friends, kid activities, staring into your husband's eyes, pinning cute outfits, self-improvement, your hobbies, making waffles, driving places, and answering 78 questions on icicles. And you know I could make this list a few paragraphs longer, but you get it.

[00:01:47] Sometimes all of this is trumped by a sick child or that special toddler skill of repeatedly losing shoes they just had in their hands like one second ago. We set up expectations for how our day should be. So, here we are with an overflowing list of things to do, and we beat ourselves up when we can't do it all. We feel unproductive and frustrated at everyone's demands. Maybe a martyr and resentful that nobody is helping out.

[00:02:14] Possibly a struggling perfectionist with unrealistic expectations, and we label ourselves lazy. Hashtag lazy moms unite. I know I'm not a lazy mom, but at the end of the day, that is how I feel. I can mom it up all day long, like I'm in the game. I'm tossing around snacks, answering questions about icicles, looking over whenever I hear, watch this, bringing out all the fun crafts, Instagramming all the cute stuff they do. Then I make dinner. Connor comes home.

[00:02:44] We put the kids to bed and cuddle up on the couch. And suddenly, I'm sitting thinking of all the things that still need to get done. Every moment of my downtime has a variety of options vying for it. Even the little snippets I try to enjoy throughout the day. Hashtag Instagram coffee break. So, here I am at the end of the night, and this menacing to-do list pops up into my head. I could do laundry, work out, ha ha ha. Right.

[00:03:14] Prep some cooking. Email an old friend. Eat the rest of the waffles. Read one of my many half-finished books. Instead, I just want to sit here beside my cool husband, while we laugh at a TV show of lives better and funnier than ours. Suddenly, my only downtime is held hostage by the notion that I am lazy for just relaxing, which is the definition of downtime. Priorities are more helpful than chasing the notion of balance.

[00:03:43] Maybe there are some moms out there who feel on top of all the things before them. Good for them. But really, good for them. I personally don't believe in balance and motherhood. I believe in life seasons that come and go with their own difficulty rating, undergarment requirements, and life lessons. I believe that this overflowing list of demands in a limited space of time and resources is God's way of making us choose.

[00:04:09] We have the luxury and responsibility to regularly choose the things most important to our family, our marriage, ourselves. We must choose how we spend our days. We must consistently choose and commit. It's an opportunity cost. Our choices have a cost attached to them. Sometimes, moms put themselves in this transaction and often cost their own time and resources. Because we don't want to be lazy. Because there is so much to do.

[00:04:37] Because how does everyone else make this look so easy and get it all done? I have been to the end of Google and back looking for this answer. No, really. I used to Google this when I first had two kids under two. I thought there was some secret club of together moms who had all the tips and tricks I would need to get my ish together. How to start choosing how to spend your time in a day. Then, I just started choosing.

[00:05:04] I would write down all the things that were taking up space on my mental to-do list. It's called a brain dump. Then, I would pick three-ish things to do that day. Some days, I'd do all the housework. Some days, I do nothing but the creative things I'm passionate about. Some days, I cook all day long. Even include my kids. Code, they do lots of stirring and I do lots of sweeping. Measuring cups are just for show. Eat at your own risk. Some days, we have frozen peas and potato chips for dinner.

[00:05:33] Some nights, I sit around unfolded laundry and just laugh with my husband. Some nights, we get the whole house cleaned. Sure, some things make me feel more productive than others. But, I can't neglect the things I enjoy. I can't hold this label of lazy over my head. Or, I will never have some peace. And, lazy stay-at-home mom is a label we give ourselves when we are feeling unproductive and overwhelmed. So, let's trash the lazy mom label. My mental to-do list will never be completed.

[00:06:03] And, I can't feel like a lazy mom for that. So, let's give up this lazy mom label. There is no perfect balance. Life swells and shrinks with demands, limits, and opportunities. Moms can enjoy downtime without being lazy. Moms need downtime. It makes us better moms because it reminds us that we are more than our to-do list. We are creative, passionate women with hobbies and talents and accumulating Netflix watch lists.

[00:06:30] And, if you are ever feeling overwhelmed by it all, I recommend turning your phone off, making some lists, possibly about your goals and dreams, eating some waffles, slapping on some red lipstick, and having a kitchen dance party. Hashtag lifehacked. Hashtag next up. Hashtag Netflix marathon. Hashtag lazy moms unite. You just listened to the post titled

[00:06:58] When I realized I wasn't a lazy mom, I was just overwhelmed. By Shauna Scaife of simpleonpurpose.ca Hey Sandra, wir haben uns ja lange nicht mehr gesehen. Grüß dich, Nadine. Mensch, du siehst ja toll aus. Ja, danke. Ich hab mein Plus bis gesündere Ich entdeckt. Was? Komm, ich zeig's dir. Die Bewegungskurse der AOK Plus. Kostenfrei für AOK Plus Versicherheit.

[00:07:25] Entdecke dein Plus fürs gesündere Ich und starte mit unserem Self-Check. Ganz einfach online auf AOK.de. Aus Liebe zur Gesundheit. AOK Plus. And thank you to Shauna for this post today. I always love how she's able to just seamlessly take the mom stress down a peg. And as usual, we might find that these lessons apply elsewhere in life too.

[00:07:50] The name of the game is really allowing ourselves to not be A pluses in everything all the time. To me, it's a nice way of thinking about knowing our limits. We only have so much time and energy each day. I like Shauna's approach. On days like that, pick a few of the most important or most exciting things and stick to them. At the very least, get them done first and accept shortcomings in the less important or less exciting areas. It may sound scary, but it's even okay to do this when it comes to tasks like parenting.

[00:08:20] Tasks that seem so crucial and that make up such huge portions of our identity. We have no choice but to put limits on ourselves. So, at least get ahead of the curve by choosing what those limits are and accepting your limitations rather than judging yourself for them. Okay, everyone. That brings us to the end. As always, I want to thank you for being here today and listening all the way through. Shauna's work seems to have a way of making you smile every time, and I'm hoping it's the same for you.

[00:08:49] Have a great rest of your day. Be sure to come back tomorrow where I've got another parenting post lined up for you. That's where your optimal life awaits.