2599: How to Recover After Yelling in 5 Simple Steps by Jen of This Time of Mine on Parenting Advice

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[00:00:55] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, How to Recover After Yelling in 5 Simple Steps by Jen of thistimeofmine.com. Sometimes we laugh when we hear the term parenting fail. We think of cupcakes that look nothing like the Pinterest picture or kids who accidentally make it to school with their clothes inside out. It's during moments like these where we can laugh and swap stories. Stories we're okay with sharing because we know they don't define us as moms.

[00:01:25] But what about the moments that make us want to hide instead? The ones where we completely lose our temper or demean a child? These are the stories we often keep to ourselves because we're afraid they do define us. But here's the thing. We all mess up. I know I most certainly do. And you are not defined by your worst moments. Mom Guilt Isn't the Answer

[00:01:50] It helps to remember that none of us started off as a professional mom. We're all learning as we go, and it's a steep learning curve. I'm still learning that every day. I love being a mom, and I love my kids. But sometimes they make me mad, and I don't always handle it perfectly. I'm sure you can relate. So, what do we do when we mess up? How do we recover after yelling? Well, the most important thing to remember is that you are not the only one that experienced it.

[00:02:20] Somewhere in the house is a little child feeling like a bad kid. They messed up, and you yelled. And what they really need right now is you. Imperfect but wonderful you. Rather than allowing mom guilt to take over and serve as punishment, the best thing you can do is to figure out how to reconnect. Then you can get back to doing what you do best, being your child's mother. Here are five simple steps you can take. Step one. Be your own parent.

[00:02:47] You messed up, and you're beating yourself up about it. But there's a difference between feeling sorry and what you're probably doing. As moms, we have a tendency to tear ourselves down in a way that we would never do to someone else. We have an inner bully. How would you feel if you knew your child was thinking the same way about themselves? Chances are it would break your heart. You might not think negative self-talk matters, but it does. More than you know. So, take a second to imagine how you would coach your child.

[00:03:17] If they made a mistake and wanted to give up, what would you say? Now, take your own advice. And while you're at it, be a little nicer to yourself. Remember, everyone makes mistakes. Step two. Remember that your child loves you. Kids have an incredible ability to forgive. They also have an immeasurable capacity to love. Remember this and trust that you can try again. They might be sad about getting in trouble, but guess who they want to comfort them?

[00:03:47] You. This takes the pressure off and can help you move past your mistake. Step three. Figure out what caused the outburst. Kids make little mistakes all the time. So, why did this one seem like such a big deal? Sometimes we need to take a step back and figure out what the real problem is. Are you getting enough sleep? Is the house messier than usual? Are you eating well? Of course, there could be other factors.

[00:04:13] But taking care of yourself and your living space will do wonders for your ability to handle stress. Step four. Own your mistake. No matter what caused you to lose it, don't pretend it didn't happen. As soon as you're ready, apologize to your child. It'll show them that you're taking responsibility for your actions and trying to make it right. It's a wonderful example for them to see. Even parents make mistakes, but we still have to say sorry and try again. Step five.

[00:04:42] Move on. The guilt you feel after yelling doesn't feel good. And it's okay to allow yourself time to be sad about it before trying to recover. But then, it's time to let it go. Remember, you are not defined by your worst moments. So, don't hold on to mistakes. After trying the first four steps listed, it's time to move on. You owe it to yourself and your family to be the happiest version of yourself. Let go of the mom guilt and just try better next time. It's okay.

[00:05:12] Final thoughts. As moms, we mess up sometimes. Sometimes. Some mistakes are funny and some aren't. And that's when the mom guilt really sets in. We let it eat at us until we're questioning our ability to be a parent in the first place. But it's important to remember that you are human. Making a mistake, even a big one, does not define you as a mom. You have the ability to learn from it and make it better. And these five steps offer a great place to start. Will you mess up again? Maybe. Maybe.

[00:05:42] But remember, you've got a little squad of trusting children that love you no matter what. You just listened to the post titled, How to Recover After Yelling in Five Simple Steps, by Jen of thistimeofmine.com. And a major thank you to Jen for this post. I really enjoyed this one. You know, any content that can help us take a healthier approach to self-forgiveness really goes a long way for me.

[00:06:11] And I'll also say that for me. I didn't get into much trouble as a kid. I was definitely a ball of energy. But I never caused true mischief. That being said, on the few occasions that I did get into actual trouble, I remember getting scolded very, very clearly. You know, maybe my parents had an unusual temper. Maybe it's because getting into trouble was rare. But those moments stick out very clearly for me.

[00:06:37] However, what also sticks out even more was the occasions on which they apologized. Kids latch onto that stuff. Those, you know, those highly stimulating moments from childhood, they stick with us. So recognize the influence that you have as a parent to really right the ship in those moments. Now, it's not to say that discipline isn't necessary sometimes and that you should avoid it simply because it can be stressful for the child.

[00:07:04] But you do have the opportunity to pair it with compassion, whatever that looks like for you. And it just might stick with them. Okay, everyone. That's going to bring us to the end for today. Go ahead and share this episode with someone who you think might like it. And do be sure to subscribe to ORD if you haven't yet, too. Aside from that, have a terrific rest of your day. And I'll see you again tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.