2615: What You Must Know To Keep Your Heart Safe If You’re Considering Dating While Separated by Orna and Matthew Walters

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[00:01:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily. What you must know to keep your heart safe if you're considering dating while separated. By Orna and Matthew Walters of LoveOnPurpose.com Getting separated from your spouse comes with many challenges, particularly the unknown of a future together, handling situations with your children, and splitting households, even if it's temporary.

[00:01:24] Then add in whether you're going to start dating while separated, and your relationship status has clearly changed to, it's complicated. If you're considering dating while separated, there are several factors to take into account including any legal ramifications, whether to share your marital status with strangers, and most importantly, being honest with yourself to determine if you're emotionally ready to start dating.

[00:01:48] Choosing to separate is a vulnerable time in your life, and deciding to jump back into the dating pool must be done for the right reasons. There are no cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all solutions when it comes to your heart. So, if you're considering dating while separated, you'll want to make sure the timing is right for you. What you must know to keep your heart safe if you're considering dating while separated. 1. You are emotionally ready for a relationship.

[00:02:16] To date while separated, it's imperative that you've already grieved the end of your marriage, and the choice to separate is just the first step towards divorce. Maybe you were in a loveless marriage where the two of you have been emotionally estranged for years, and you've finally decided to legally end the relationship. You won't be ready to date if you haven't gone through the stages of healing your heart after a breakup. Whatever the reason for the separation, you'll only be ready to date if you've moved past the heartache and frustration of a relationship that's no longer working.

[00:02:46] If there's zero chance of reconciliation, then dating while separated may be the next step for you moving forward in your new life. 2. You've taken responsibility for your part. If you're still in blame without taking any responsibility, then you're not ready to start dating while separated. Your soon-to-be ex-spouse may have done something unforgivable. However, this doesn't completely absolve you from taking responsibility for your part.

[00:03:13] Take an inventory of the choices you made and the actions you took include the actions you didn't take that led to the separation. Introspect on the lessons that the marriage has taught you to gain clarity on yourself. What would you do differently next time around? How can you become a better person through this experience? What did your spouse show up to teach you, even if it was played out in the dark? Having the answers to these questions will let you know if you're ready to date while separated.

[00:03:41] 3. You're not still living together. If you're still cohabitating with your spouse, you'll find yourself in some awkward situations if you choose to date while separated. You may want to wait to date so you're not navigating your partner's feelings while managing your heart. Putting off dating until you've found a new living situation will allow you to feel settled and comfortable before you start dating. There's no need to rush into dating or a new relationship.

[00:04:07] Trying to date while your life is uncertain will add to the stress of your current situation. Get settled in your new home before you choose to date so that your heart is open to meeting someone new. 4. You feel good about yourself. Going through a marital separation can be a blow to your self-confidence and self-esteem, especially if your marriage has been on the rocks for a while. Don't make the mistake of dating to boost your ego or self-confidence.

[00:04:33] It's not fair to the people you're dating, and you may end up feeling even worse about yourself. Dating while separated may feel like freedom, but you could easily end up causing more harm to your self-esteem. Take time to put yourself back together emotionally and grow your self-esteem and confidence before going out into the dating pool. 5. You're not trying to avoid feeling lonely. Feeling lonely may be the worst reason to date while separated. Those feelings exist because they're appropriate.

[00:05:03] You're going through a life change, and there's simply no shortcut. Expecting a stranger to fill the empty space inside is a recipe for a codependent or toxic relationship. A rebound relationship may ease your loneliness for a bit, but it's usually just a passing fancy to keep your mind off of your current circumstances. It'll end up distracting you from the real work of healing your heart. Instead, seek out the company of friends, family, or a support group to fill the emotional void.

[00:05:31] 6. You're not interested in a reconciliation. If any part of you still desires reconciliation with your spouse, then don't date while separated. You could damage opportunities to get back together. Dating while separated is only an option if you know you're heading toward divorce. If you're still hoping and wishing to work things out with your spouse, it's best for you to work on yourself while taking a break from the relationship. Get support from a therapist or a coach to work through your current circumstances.

[00:05:59] Making an investment in yourself will always pay off, because the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself. 7. You have a legal separation agreement. Dating while separated without a legal separation agreement can be additional grounds for divorce on terms that may not favor you. Don't give your spouse the evidence they need to have the upper hand. Legally, you don't want to put yourself in a bad situation.

[00:06:25] Make sure you have a legal separation agreement drawn up before you start dating while separated. If the split is ambiguous in the eyes of the law, you are not free to pursue a new relationship without consequences. It's best to wait and speak with legal counsel before rushing into the dating pool. If you've taken the time to heal and grieve, you can successfully date while separated. To avoid repeating mistakes, approach dating from a new perspective now that you've matured and have new life goals.

[00:06:55] Take a new approach to dating while separated. It's a big mistake to rush into a new relationship while you're separated. Instead, approach dating as an opportunity to discover more about yourself and how you've changed over the years. Dating can be a wonderful way to gain insights into your strategies for love and to practice new communication skills. Dating while separated can assist the healing process as long as you take things slowly and are upfront about your current relationship status.

[00:07:23] Never give a stranger the benefit of the doubt, no matter how attractive they are or how comfortable they make you feel. Beware of instant emotional intimacy and delay physical intimacy until you know you're ready to risk your heart again. You just listened to the post titled What you must know to keep your heart safe if you're considering dating while separated by Orna and Matthew Walters of loveonpurpose.com

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[00:08:21] AOK. Thanks so much to Orna and Matthew for this one. You know, I like this post a lot. It's really well thought out. It covers so many bases and it definitely helps one in this situation to protect their heart. But one thing that I often come back to and feel compelled to come back to now yet again is the messiness of love. Or really just the messiness of life in general. While posts like this really help us to be as prepared as possible and certainly save us some pain as well.

[00:08:51] The truth remains that in both love and life, we often fall into things at bad times. Times in which we are unstable or in flux in one way or another. And sometimes regardless of if it's smooth or slippery at first, it can be just what we need. So yes, of course we want to be self-aware and take precautions. But sometimes waiting for what feels like the perfect time can actually prevent us from

[00:09:19] some very ugly but very nourishing beauty in our lives. As always, we work to toe that line. So, not many concrete answers out of me as we conclude this article, what else is new? But I hope you loved this episode either way and that it got you thinking. Wishing you all the best everyone, enjoy your Saturday, and I'll talk to you again tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.