2626: [Part 1] 5 No BS Tips on How to Talk to Anyone. The Real Truth by Renee Benes of The Fun Sized Life on Anxiety

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[00:01:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, 5 No-BS Tips on How to Talk to Anyone, The Real Truth, Part 1, by Rene Bennis of TheFunSizeLife.com. My husband Tom and I were recently chatting, and he was telling me about how he'd been describing me to his new co-workers. One man said his girlfriend is pretty shy, and Tom replied with, My wife can talk to anyone for an hour, whether they're 5 or 90.

[00:01:28] I lit up hearing him say that, even though he didn't think much of it. In a single moment, I became aware of this amazing talent that I never realized I possessed. I really can sit and talk to just about anyone for an hour, and love every single minute of it. When I shared this story on TikTok, I had a lot of people asking how it was so easy for me. I've had some time to mull it over, and I've put together my 5 best tips. Heads up, this isn't some BS fluff post. This is the real hardcore truth.

[00:01:59] Everyone is talking about you. Have you ever stopped to realize just how many people aren't walking around actually caring about one another? I mean, this is something motivational speakers spout off all the time. People aren't thinking about you, they're thinking about themselves. I've always kind of had a beef with that quote, to be honest. Because the truth is, people care a lot about other people. Like, a lot, a lot. Who'd you vote for? Did you see what she was wearing on the beach?

[00:02:27] Oh my gosh, did you hear what he did? No matter where you go, there's no shortage of people gossiping and filling their precious time on earth talking about other people. And honestly, it's rarely nice stuff. People are most definitely talking about you, just like you talk about other people. Why do the motivational guru spout this stuff off then? Because even though so many people will go about their days talking about other people behind their backs,

[00:02:55] the truth is, it's all usually coming from a self-serving agenda. The self-serve agenda. You want to know who people vote for to see if they think like you. Then maybe you'll go into a panic that you voted for the wrong person, or use this as an excuse to determine that they are a person whose moral standpoints must be different than your own. Therefore, you have nothing in common. You want to point out what she was wearing on the beach because, well, it's not something you would wear. Can we all just take a minute to agree?

[00:03:25] Who cares? When you're triggered or annoyed by something someone else is wearing, that's still all about you. Dive into it. Figure out what emotions it's hitting. That's on you, not the other person. You want to talk about what he did because, well, I don't know. Why do you? Do you feel superior if what you feel another person did is somehow beneath you? Are you just hiding from your own life? I think it would have to be that one for me. What?

[00:03:55] We're being honest here, right? I'm not going to act like I've never once talked about someone else behind their back. In fact, I've spent an obscene amount of my time on earth caring far too much about what other people were doing and talking about how they were conducting their lives. Most likely the reason behind it was because it was much easier to talk about other people's perceived shortcomings than it was to look myself in the mirror and admit all the stuff I wasn't taking action on in my own life.

[00:04:23] Other people's movement tends to make us hyper-aware of our stagnation, and in an attempt to justify our lack of action, we simply talk poorly about others. So yeah, you care about you. I guess what I'm saying is that, yeah, at the end of the day, we're all pretty concerned with protecting ourselves and our ego. Here's the thing about me though. I've not always been good at talking to people. I have been actively fighting my ego for close to a decade.

[00:04:53] Here's what it's taught me about speaking to other people. Genuine desire. How many times have you gone to a party and tried talking to someone only to have your head filled with thoughts like, Oh my gosh, I hope my breath doesn't smell bad. I have no idea what to say. I'm so awkward. This used to happen to me all the time. And if you're anything like that, I once was you. Sat there being so nervous about how I was being perceived by the other person

[00:05:20] that I barely heard a word they were saying. I remember reading Amy Cuddy's book, Presence. And in the book, she mentions that without realizing it, anxiety can make us extremely self-centered people. Now I know no one wants to be self-centered and anxiety is a tough gig to kick. However, reading her words kind of made me realize just how true this was. Whenever I found myself lost in a thought spiral, I'm instantly transported out of the moment.

[00:05:49] And my consciousness is so lost in my mind, concerned with whatever new thing I found to concern myself with. What am I getting at? The first step to learning to talk to anyone is to have a genuine desire to get to know them. This, however, requires that we willingly unoccupy our own mind for the time being. It means we release our own inner fears about not being good enough long enough to experience another person and who they are, and not judge them while we do.

[00:06:19] Releasing your story. We all grew up learning how the world should be, what's right or wrong to believe, and never stopped to question the fact that the people we learned all of these things from simply regurgitated the information down to us through their bloodline and life experience. Spoiler alert, no one in the history of the world actually knew what they were doing. They just made everything up as they went along and then handed down the made-up stuff to their ancestors, aka you.

[00:06:48] The late Bob Proctor referred to this as our paradigm. Actually, good old Bob didn't coin that term, but he's the one I learned it from, so I'm going to go ahead and give him the credit. Our paradigm is a grouped set of rules and beliefs that we've deemed to be true about the world around us. These rules might be, the earth is round. Years ago, someone would have died fighting to prove it was flat. You have a good chance of developing heart disease since it runs in your family. Marriage should be between a man and a woman.

[00:07:18] These aren't my beliefs, let's be clear, just using it as a demonstration. This paradigm of ours can seem genuinely harmless or be causing us to carry around some serious biases towards other people. No matter what the case, they're most definitely dictating our story. And when we insist on holding on to our story, we instantly close ourselves off to the stories of others. Imagine a book remaining closed for the entirety of its existence. It's true,

[00:07:48] if it stays shut, no one can tamper with the words that are written within the book. No one can challenge it. However, the book will ultimately have been a waste, never being seen, read, or appreciated by anyone. So, what if we all just agreed to release our stories? To share them with the world while also remaining open to the fact that somewhere along the way, someone might alter our story? To be continued.

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[00:09:16] Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily. And many thanks to Renee for a great first half of this post. It seems to me that a tough line is being towed here so far. The line between let's just release and commit to sharing our stories and it takes a long time to be able to do that if we want to do that due to any type of conditioning. And though we still have

[00:09:46] the second half to read tomorrow, I think it's important for anyone hearing this content or similar content to really sit with themselves and consider where they fall on that spectrum. It's not as cut and dry as we'd hope for it to be. Just letting go and opening up without fear of judgment. And assuming that you can just let go will likely hurt you more. So, to make progress towards this, start the journey with questions like what do I open up about easily and then

[00:10:16] what's harder for me? Who is the hardest person for me to open up to? What subjects have I been taught are taboo? What topics do my circle of people embrace? And what do we shy away from? Why is that? These expository questions can get you some answers on your individual relationship to this type of idea. And it's an important side exercise to this type of article in my opinion. More tomorrow though, everybody. More commentary as well. Looking forward to reading it for you and I hope you're looking forward to hearing it.

[00:10:46] Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you back here for part two where your optimal life awaits.