2658: 10 Things I Have Learned About Love in a Decade of Marriage by Crystal Karges on Grace, Patience and Mutual Growth

[00:00:00] Hey, it's Justin from Optimal Living Daily. Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this Yoga Nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily.

[00:00:25] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily, 10 Things I've Learned About Love in a Decade of Marriage by Crystal Karges of crystalkarges.com

[00:00:54] Quote, Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity. That's by C.S. Lewis. I know this is not a typical post from my blog here at Crystal Karges Nutrition, but today my husband and I are celebrating 10 years of marriage, which is a milestone worth writing about. In the past 10 years, we've had our fair share of ups and downs. Together we've experienced unimaginable joy and the deepest heartaches.

[00:01:21] We've brought five beautiful babies into the world and are navigating this parenting journey together. We've faced mental illness, starting our own businesses, and truly tested the in-plenty-and-want-in-sickness-and-health portion of our wedding vows.

[00:01:36] While I know that this decade marks the beginning of a lifetime together, I'm thankful for how far we've come on the journey thus far. Marriage has been the context from which I've learned so much about love. I'm no expert by any means, and am always learning, but far from where we started, I'm grateful to have received and been changed by the love I've been given in my marriage. So, in honor of this anniversary milestone, I'm sharing 10 things I've learned from my husband about love in our decade of marriage.

[00:02:05] 1. Love Endures All Things I will be the first to admit that I've had my own issues that undoubtedly made marriage hard, including being in recovery from an eating disorder and postpartum depression. On top of which, I was in a confusing transition with my career and trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to do with my life. My husband never swayed in his love for me and stuck with me, even in the darkest despairs of mental illness and constant switching between jobs and schools.

[00:02:34] His love has endured through it all. 2. Love Doesn't Fear There had been countless times where we didn't know how we'd make ends meet, or how we would keep up with the pace of our quickly growing family. Starting our own businesses felt like a shot in the dark. We didn't know what the outcome would be in so many scenarios. The one thing we could reliably trust was the love that we had for each other, even at the end of the day when nothing seemed sure. 3. Love Doesn't Give Up

[00:03:04] Don't get me wrong, there have been times where we've had to walk away from one another in order to sort through our own emotions and thoughts. But what I've learned is that even in our differences and misunderstandings, love always circles back and brings us home. In trying times or situations where it felt unbearable to be with one another, love persevered through the discomfort. Love has always stayed. 4. Love Is Action

[00:03:30] Maybe it's because we have five children, but there always seems to be something to be done for someone. From working tirelessly to provide for our growing family, to giving selflessly to the needs of our children and myself, I've seen my husband's love in action. Love may not always be a romantic gesture of flowers and chocolate, though those are nice too. Love is rocking a crying baby to sleep in the middle of the night, wiping noses, changing diapers, scrubbing toilets, and comforting a sick child.

[00:04:01] Love acts selflessly, even when the feelings are not there, and shows kindness by doing things that are hard, uncomfortable, and unglamorous at times. 5. Love Forgives and Forgives Again and Again It's painful to realize how much I've hurt the ones I love, even if unintentionally. When two people come together in a relationship, there will inevitably be misgrievances against one another, and we've had our share of hurts.

[00:04:28] But love doesn't hold grudges, and gently wraps a loved one in grace, even when the pain is deep. Love is being willing to forgive, again and again. 6. Love Gives Quietly Behind the Scenes By nature, I am the loud, boisterous one in our relationship. My husband is more steady and quiet. And with that, I've seen how love works quietly, hidden from the attention, recognition, and applause of others.

[00:04:55] Like a seed that deepens its roots in the hidden darkness of the soil, so is love that grows steadily in the quiet places. 7. Love Gives Wings to Fly On top of being loud and boisterous, I am a creative and visionary at heart. I'm always learning, exploring, and wanting to try new things. I've learned how love allows ideas to blossom and grow, even if things don't always make sense or seem plausible.

[00:05:21] Love has encouraged me to fly to new places I never thought possible, and be the person I am. Love is a gentle nudge forward into the unknown, with belief and hope that all things are within our reach. 8. Love Acknowledges the Past As I've shared before, mental illness was a dark part of my past that haunted me for the longest time. And as much as I wanted to run away from that part of my life, I needed to make peace with it to fully heal.

[00:05:48] It's easy to want to sweep things around the rug and keep everything as tidy as possible. But the challenges in life often bring any unresolved issues to the surface, as it was with me. My husband has shown me that those parts of my past, though unwanted, are worth embracing. And in the acknowledgement of my past, I have found peace. 9. Love Hopes in the Unknown Just as there is healing in accepting the past, so is there life in hoping for the future.

[00:06:16] I've learned that love is an undying certainty that has carried us through to the unknown of our future as it unfolds before us, day after day. That even in the most uncertain situations of our present circumstances, love believes that we will work through trial and tribulation with hopeful perseverance. 10. Love Never Fails So many things have come and gone since we've been married. Money, the place we've called home, material possessions, jobs, and work.

[00:06:46] But through it all, love has been an ever-steady constant that hasn't wavered with the factors that are always changing in life. Even myself. I know I've changed significantly from the person I was when we first were married, and love has seen me through my own transformations. Love is a choice. A decision to give without expectation of reciprocity to another flawed person. But choosing to love is always the best decision. The easiest? No. But one that will never fail.

[00:07:15] It's humbling to have been loved so deeply and to have experienced unconditional love throughout these past 10 years. And I'm forever grateful for the man I've privileged to call my husband in this marriage adventure. You just listened to the post titled 10 Things I've Learned About Love in a Decade of Marriage By Crystal Cargis of crystalcargis.com Hey Spotify, it's Dampson Idris here to celebrate Tommy Hilfiger's Apex GP Collection.

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[00:08:39] And she's spoken so much about what I would say is the effort of love. And it's no secret that relationships require work. But it's key to remember that that work is not just the byproduct of love. It's a true source of love. When we engage in acts of love, like making our spouse's favorite breakfast the day after a big argument that we're still upset about, we constantly choose love.

[00:09:04] We prove to our partner that we are continually willing to choose them and do right by them and be a participant in the partnership, rather than isolating ourselves when our feelings turn sour. And this is something that we can do in all relationships. So realize that the work of love is what fuels love. And with that in mind, it may feel a little less like work. Hopefully. All right, everyone. And with that, we're going to wrap things up for the day. I thank you so much for coming.

[00:09:33] And I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I did. It was definitely a special one that makes you want to squeeze your loved ones a little tighter. So take care, guys. I'll see you back here tomorrow for more, where your optimal life awaits.