2984: The In-Between: Learning to Live in the Big Little Moments by Rose Lounsbury on Appreciating Small Moments

[00:00:00] Hey, it's Justin from Optimal Living Daily. Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this Yoga Nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily.

[00:00:26] Hello, everybody, and welcome to our weekly bonus episode of ORD with me, your host, Greg Audino. Now, as per usual, I'm just introducing the article, though. In our bonus episodes, we share posts that have already been read on other shows in the OLD network, but that we think cover a lot of important relationship information nonetheless and would be enjoyable to you guys. So this one aired on our main show where it all began, Optimal Living Daily. So you're now going to hear the voice of Justin, the main narrator,

[00:00:54] over there. Kick back and enjoy this post, everyone, as we optimize your life. The In Between, Learning to Live in the Big Little Moments by Rose Lounsbury of roselounsbury.com My friend Anna is a mindfulness and yoga teacher. You know, one of those people who's as likely to say, be gentle with yourself, as have a nice day in casual conversation and seem totally sincere about it.

[00:01:24] I spoke to her the other day, and she said she's noticed changes in me. You're softer now, not so much go-go-go, not so much hustle. I'll admit, I was gratified to hear Anna say this, and yes, I realize that's probably the residue of my people-pleasing attitude. Anna thinks I'm doing a good job, so I must be doing a good job. But I also think it's highly valuable to seek the opinions of people you respect who won't bullsh** you when trying to make internal change.

[00:01:53] Moving yourself from any type of addiction, whether that's to alcohol, drugs, or overachieving, is really an internal process difficult to observe from the outside. And often, because the internal shifts are small, one degree here, a millimeter there, they're even difficult to observe in yourself. So Anna's words reassured me that all my internal, intangible work over the last year had been worth it. But then she said something that struck me even more.

[00:02:22] Perhaps there's a different way. Maybe you can achieve things without so much struggle. Anna pointed out that the moment of success or achievement, whether that's in career or personal goal, is very small. It's one tiny moment. Then it's over and done, and we quickly move on to the next thing. But we spent all that time and energy leading up to the thing, to the moment.

[00:02:47] And if we spent all that lead-up time striving and sweating and being somewhat miserable, what was the point? Why does the lead-up have to be hard and stressful? Is it really worth it just so we can experience some short-lived reward? Perhaps, as Anna said, there could be a different way. Perhaps the lead-up could be just as enjoyable, just as delicious, as the reward itself. What an interesting thought. I was dumbfounded that I never really considered it.

[00:03:17] I'm so focused on achieving that my mind is all goals. Get the laundry done. Get the website revamp done. Get the inbox to zero. Get the children in bed. I don't really spend any time thinking about what happens in between all those big and little achievements in my life. But really, this is where I'm living the vast majority of my life. And so are you. We live our lives in the in-between. The spaces in between the accomplishments.

[00:03:47] The moments in between the goals. The time in between the checked-off tasks. If I think of my life like a line graph, my achievements, both large, like earning a graduate degree, and small, like finishing a workout, are the dots on the graph. But on any line graph, most of the space is taken up by the lines in between the dots. This is where we spend 99% of our time.

[00:04:11] And if we spend it hustling, grinding, grinning, and bearing it, we're wasting our lives. Think about it. You went to school for over 12 years to get that 30-second stroll across your high school graduation stage. You dated that person for years, or if you're a Hollywood up-and-comer, at least a few weeks, to enjoy that single day of your nuptials.

[00:04:32] And you gave that company thousands of hours of your time to experience that sweet, blissful, and very short-lived moment when they announced your promotion at the annual meeting. We're living in the in-between. This realization knocked me off my feet. It's like when I learned that most of our bodies are made up of empty space. The space in between the atoms and molecules is vastly larger than the atoms and molecules themselves. Truth.

[00:04:59] 99.9% of our bodies, in fact, our entire universe, is nothing more than empty space. Mind blown. We're living in the in-between, whether we acknowledge it or not. So I decided to take Anna's advice and try a little experiment to see if I could start to enjoy my in-between moments. And because I wanted to be as scientific as possible,

[00:05:22] I chose a very small, mundane task with a clearly observable and achievable outcome, doing laundry. Laundry, like all tasks, fits neatly within the in-between model. You spend 99% of your laundry time prepping, washing, drying, folding, and putting away to experience that one sweet short moment when it's done. The basket is empty and you can check it off your list. And the day I talked to Anna just happened to be laundry day,

[00:05:51] so, you know, I was working with what was easily available. As I hauled the basket of clean laundry up from the basement, I took a moment and considered the in-between. I recognized that while I'd put laundry on my list of things to do today, the joy of laundry could perhaps not be limited to simply getting it done. Perhaps there could be joy in doing the laundry itself. A million arguments immediately erupted in my mind. Most of them were some version of, that's BS, doing laundry sucks.

[00:06:20] But for the sake of my experiment, I decided to ignore them and see what happened. I set the basket of laundry on the table and commenced the folding process, trying to see if I could enjoy the laundry process without hustling to get done. This was harder than it seemed and rather comical. I felt a bit like Marie Kondo, lovingly folding my husband's boxer shorts and matching socks with their precious mates.

[00:06:46] I was reminded of the time I listened to some morning radio DJs poke fun at an article about mindful cleaning. Apparently, somebody had the great idea to combine mindfulness with house cleaning, and the DJs giggled as they read aloud from the website, squeeze the sponge and feel its softness, breathe. I'd laughed along at the time, but now look at me folding laundry like Martha Stewart's sensei. Was my laundry experiment with living in the in-between a success? Sure.

[00:07:16] While I can't say I enjoyed folding each t-shirt and sock, I paid attention. And that's much different than how I usually approach this task. Like, let's just get this done and over with so we can move on to something else, shall we? I was, as those Zen masters say it, present. Even laughing at myself while remembering those radio DJs was a form of presence. I was in the moment with my socks and underwear, and well, we spend a not insignificant portion of our lives folding socks and underwear,

[00:07:46] so why not be aware of it? And perhaps that's the trick. To not put pressure on ourselves to enjoy each moment, but at least try to be aware of them. These are our lives, spent brushing teeth and walking dogs and riding the commuter train. These are the spaces in-between where we live and eventually die. And if we don't open our eyes, take a breath, laugh and notice them, we're missing our entire lives.

[00:08:14] So my challenge to you is this. Don't try to do amazing things. You already are. Don't set big goals and strive for them. You've got that down, my friend. But simply start to notice those moments in between your accomplishments, the lines between the dots. Notice yourself making the coffee, not just drinking it. Paying attention to the commute and not just the arrival. Acknowledge each bite and not just the empty plate.

[00:08:41] And when you forget, which you will over and over again every single day, when you start to ignore the in-between and focus only on checking off your achievements, smile, laugh, take a breath, become Martha Stewart's Sensei. Squeeze the sponge. Breathe. You just listened to the post titled The In-Between Learning to Live in the Big Little Moments by Rose Lounsbury of roselounsbury.com.

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[00:10:07] This one is definitely a common theme and something we visited recently. But I always appreciate a new take. Because it's so important to keep top of mind if we're looking for happier lives day to day. Reminds me of the Adam Sandler movie, Click. I rewatched it a few months back and without giving away exactly what happens. The premise is basically about having the power to pause and fast forward parts of your life as if it were a movie.

[00:10:34] And most likely that would lead us to want to fast forward through all of that empty space. Not all of it, but so much of it. If we don't feel like doing chores, then fast forward. Don't feel like working today? Fast forward. Waiting in line? Fast forward. Driving? Fast forward. So what exactly are we left with? Really, in the overall scheme of things, barely anything. Maybe some achievements here and there, but those achievements generally lead to just another

[00:11:01] task or period of work that we'd likely skip yet again. Constantly having this mindset is a perfect recipe for misery. Now, like she said, that doesn't mean we can start to love laundry. That's unlikely to happen. But there really is a sense of peace and even happiness in a way. And simply feeling and being present. This kind of ties into the beginner's mind practice we talked about yesterday. It all sort of ties together.

[00:11:26] But I'd implore you to not be like the radio DJs and think it's a complete joke or a bunch of woo-woo pseudoscience because also, as we heard the other day, meditation and mindfulness being present, these things have been researched and proven to be beneficial scientifically. So see if you can pay a bit more attention today. Thank you for listening every day. Have a great weekend if you're listening in real time. And I'll see you tomorrow, as usual, where your optimal life awaits.