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Episode 2986:
Dr. Laura Dabney shares practical, relationship-focused stress management strategies that help couples prevent recurring conflict and reconnect with intention. By learning when to address issues and how to communicate with empathy, her approach helps transform tension into stronger, more supportive partnerships.
Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.drldabney.com/article/stress-management-activities-for-your-relationship/
Quotes to ponder:
“Admissions are our way of empathizing and connecting with our partners.”
“Postmortem talks are talking about the problem after it has happened, but before it goes underground.”
“Protective time is so vital to your relationship and in stress management.”
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[00:00:23] This is Optimal Relationships Daily Stress Management Activities for Your Relationship by Dr. Laura Dabney of drldabney.com
[00:00:37] If your relationship feels stressful, there is a way to manage the stress with these five stress management strategies. When discussing stress management techniques, think about it like a football game. A good coach will use offensive and defensive strategies to confront the problem on the team. In a relationship, we must do the same. Offensive Strategies Preemptive Strike
[00:01:02] When thinking about offensive strategies, think of it like putting a pebble in a stream. You are taking some action to disrupt the flow. You are feeling the stress in your relationship and you take action. Taking action could be making a statement, requesting a time to talk, creating time to talk, an activity. It could be anything to disrupt a flow that's not working for you.
[00:01:24] The Preemptive Strike is for the problems that keep recurring. There is an ongoing problem. You see them. You feel them. You deal with them. You know they are going to come back up. The Preemptive Strike is a way to stop it before it happens.
[00:01:38] What happens a lot of time is you get in the middle of the problem by trying to talk about the problem or deal with it, but the emotions are high and it ends up in an argument. The Preemptive Strike is talking about when you sense the problem is coming up, but before it comes up. That way, tempers are cooler. It's as simple as saying, I suspect this problem is coming up and I'd like to talk to you about it. Doing it this way avoids the problem and gets it resolved. Postmortem
[00:02:08] Postmortem talks are talking about the problem after it has happened, but before it goes underground. People have a problem, they keep having a problem, and they want to keep the problem down the road because it's calm now. They don't want to talk about it because they don't want it to erupt again. This is not a good strategy because when things get buried, they tend to blow. Postmortem comes after the problem when tempers are calm, but before it's a distant memory. It's as simple as saying,
[00:02:37] The issue that happened last night didn't go the way I wanted. Can we please try again? Defensive Strategies Defensive Strategies are like removing the pebble from the stream, letting the flow continue unimpeded. Protective Time Protective time is so vital to your relationship and in stress management, it is when you and your significant other agree and follow through on making time for just yourselves regularly.
[00:03:05] It's on the calendar, it is not to be interrupted or interfered with, everything else goes around the protective time. Examples
[00:04:30] By saying these statements, you're doing two things. Admitting to a feeling, and you're not punishing the person. Those two factors make it a bridge statement. Admission Statement A lot of people tend to be perfectionistic, and that can get in the way of a relationship. Call it a wedge because it wedges right in there and causes distance. Admissions are our way of empathizing and connecting with our partners.
[00:04:58] The admission of a fault or shortcoming helps you connect with your partner's faults or shortcomings. Just as we celebrate happy moments, admissions are our way of empathizing with each other over not-so-great things. Example If your partner says something along the lines of, This pie crust you're making from scratch calls for lard. Do you know where to get that? Perfectionistic Statement Lard is bad for you. Admission Statement
[00:05:26] You know, I don't even know what lard is, do you? Do you see the difference that an admission statement makes? Let's say your partner says, You know, there are some mornings I just don't feel like going to church. Perfectionistic Statement We promise to go every Sunday Admission Statement Yeah, some mornings I feel like being lazy too. Such a big difference. You don't have to correct, write, or hold your partner's feet to the fire.
[00:05:55] Doing that causes problems and pushes you away from your partner. Admitting, agreeing, or understanding is a way to get closer. You just listened to the post titled, Stress Management Activities for Your Relationship by Dr. Laura Dabney of drldabney.com Really interesting take by Laura today. This idea of thinking in terms of offensive and defensive strategies.
[00:06:25] I really like this idea, not only because of the relatability, but because it offers us an invitation to really remind ourselves and be aware of the impact of our strategies. You know, oftentimes we deploy strategies for stress management or anything else that just feel good. and make us feel as though they'll bring some type of progress. Well, this form of action taking is a step in the right direction for sure. It's still always best to remind ourselves of the specific effects
[00:06:53] it's going to have on the relationships we're in and the other people involved. So, thinking in terms of offense and defense really allows us to see beyond, you know, our quick instinctual urges. Enough that if necessary, we become more likely to change to a different tactic that is still beneficial to us, but even more so to our partners. And that brings us to the end, everyone. I appreciate you all being here today. I enjoyed this piece by Laura. I really hope you did as well.
[00:07:23] We've got more great content for you coming the rest of this week, so don't miss out. And I'll be back with you for another post tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.