2991: Marriage and Relationships: What Happy Couples Know by Dr. Diana Kirschner of Love In 90 Days on Happy Couples Habits

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[00:00:25] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now onto the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Marriage and Relationships. What Happy Couples Know by Dr. Diana Kirschner of LoveIn90Days.com.

[00:00:55] Have you ever wondered about what happy couples know about staying in love? Their secret sauce? I've written about this extensively in other posts and in my book, LoveIn90Days. And here's an excerpt. There are four key secret sauce ingredients that underlie ongoing attraction in happy couples. Having fun, laughing, going on exciting outings, and doing novel things together.

[00:01:20] Just practicing these things for a few minutes each day can make a vast difference in your personal happiness and in your relationship. What Happy Couples Know They Have Fun Together Quote, Laughter is the closest distance between two people. End quote. By Victor Borge. Remember how you first fell in love with each other while you were going out on dates that were fun? So, what happy couples know is how to keep having fun together.

[00:01:48] First, create situations and interactions where you are happy, content, enjoying yourself, and having fun. And he is too. Share activities like museum exhibits, plays, movies, parks, picnics, day trips, long walks, cooking a new dish, preparing a feast for friends or family, playing card games, hanging out at a community pool,

[00:02:13] or lounging in front of the TV and watching an entire season of that sci-fi or comedy series that you both love. These activities inevitably lead to holding hands, touching, looking at, and appreciating each other, which in turn produce the hormone oxytocin, which is the bonding and attachment hormone. What happy couples know is that they need some quieter activities for their downtime together.

[00:02:36] In fact, these are perfect for couples that lead stressed lives either because of work or family responsibilities like children or sick parents. If you want to really bond with a highly stressed guy, try not to run him around too much and make a lot of physical contact with him so he slows his motor down. Spending Time Alone When I interview these guys about their mates and why they chose them, they nearly always point to how they felt at peace around them.

[00:03:04] I'm not saying you should never go to a club and stay out all night or go bungee jumping. There's a place for that as well. But for bonding, there's nothing like being alone and hanging out doing something you both really enjoy. So what happy couples know is that spending time alone with each other is a key ingredient in a healthy relationship. What couples know? They laugh.

[00:03:28] Second, make sure you watch funny movies or more sophisticated cartoons, go to comedy shows, joke around, or share funny moments of teasing or clowning. Shared laughter is a great stress reliever and a bonding agent. Besides, you can use humor to validate your partner or to make fun of yourself. It can break through and diffuse arguments and soothe upset or bitter feelings. So for these reasons and more, shared humor has been shown by research to be a key component of happy marriages.

[00:03:58] What happy couples know? Adrenaline makes the heart grow fonder. Third, and I didn't forget you thrill seekers, go on exciting outings that have the adrenaline pumping. These activities simulate the speedy brain chemistry of falling in love. Hit the amusement park, go bungee jumping, take a helicopter ride, or hike a high mountainous trail. Then scream yourself silly at a basketball game, have a foot race at the beach, and even compete in a high-voltage video game.

[00:04:27] Studies show that people who are emotionally aroused by any feeling, including joy or fear, fall in love more easily. As two love researchers once wrote, quote, adrenaline makes the heart grow fonder, end quote. What happy couples know? They seek novelty with each other. Finally, do novel activities together. Research studies show that novelty is a key factor in personal and relationship satisfaction.

[00:04:55] It helps to produce dopamine, the neurotransmitter of pleasure. Change things up. For example, where you eat dinner, where you make out, how you're intimate with one another. Another great way to seek novelty is by acting like you're having an affair with each other. Finally, pick out an unusual place to go on vacation. For example, on one of our big anniversaries, my husband and I really wanted to shake things up. So, we went on an eco-tour in the Amazon jungle in Ecuador.

[00:05:24] Instead of staying at a nice hotel, we stayed with an indigenous tribe of ex-headhunters whose village was right at the edge of the river. Oh, okay. Maybe that was both novelty and adrenaline pumping. And full of belly-ripping laughs. I didn't realize at the time I booked the trip just how adrenaline pumping it really was. In this post is a photo of us, stuck knee-deep in the mud, having an awesome time. Oh yes, there are scorpions, piranha, and deadly venomous snakes all around us.

[00:05:52] My husband was as protective as could be, especially after one of our group got washed down the rapids and gashed his knee. Fortunately, we had antibiotic cream with us, and the guy was okay. Meanwhile, it was quite romantic and sexy as the sun would set each night on all the beautiful colors of the Amazon basin. There is no need to go that far in creating the magic of bonding for you and your beloved. Happy couples know that you can simply watch a stand-up comedy show right on your TV tonight

[00:06:21] and have a blast laughing together over a bowl of popcorn. You just listened to the post titled Marriage and Relationships, What Happy Couples Know by Dr. Diana Kirshner of lovein90days.com And thanks so much to Dr. Diana for a wonderful post today, providing not only valuable information for new couples, but also a refreshing reminder for couples that have been together for a long time.

[00:06:51] Even happy couples can easily lose sight over time of the value of any one of the four bullet points that were listed today. It's very easy to, you know, slip into a routine of busyness and feel so comfortable with our partners that we feel we can go on autopilot and maybe not pay as much mind to things that were in this post. Well, that is all fine and good. Routines can be valuable. So, with that being said, don't be afraid to integrate some of these great activities together into your schedule.

[00:07:20] It may not sound like the romantic spontaneity that you hear about, you know, in all the rom-coms, but it doesn't need to be. Studies actually suggest that getting into a routine with anything, including your loved one, is a sign of devotion. And for romantic partners, the gesture of scheduling specific time to do something even as simple as, you know, watching the office each night, that can go a long way in maintaining a good bond. There will be time to shake things up and make big last-minute decisions.

[00:07:50] But if you found yourself distant from your partner right now, start slow by suggesting that you both start to schedule time for little things that you both enjoy. And with that, we're going to wrap up this episode, friends. Sad, I know, but don't you worry. I will be back with you tomorrow with an important post about workplace friendships, actually. You won't want to miss it. I'll see you all back here with that one, where your optimal life awaits.