2993: How To Get Control Back After A Break-Up by Eddie Corbano of Loves A Game on Breakup Recovery

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now onto the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily, How To Get Control Back After A Breakup by Eddie Corbano of Loves A Game dot com

[00:00:28] Dear Eddie, My actual breakup occurred several months ago, and I immediately initiated the no-contact rule, which included unfriending him on Facebook, deleting all his texts and his phone number from my phone, and deleting all emails and his email address. My sanity truly depended on it. I did, however, receive a text from my former boyfriend on Mother's Day, wishing me a happy Mother's Day.

[00:00:52] I chose not to respond immediately. I gave it 24 hours, and during that 24 hours, I became increasingly agitated. So I decided to text him a message before deleting the text that he had sent. I told him not to ever contact me again. He broke my heart, so he didn't have the right. I also told him I was aware that he had dumped me for a lady who has money, and that he was clearly not the person I thought he was. It felt so empowering to be the one to tell him not to contact me.

[00:01:21] And to make him aware I knew why he had ended our relationship. Funny how the truth always comes out. My point in sharing this is to help others, hopefully. Every time I feel myself slipping back into the black hole of grief over a love lost, I think of the strength it took for me to send the text to tell him never to contact me again.

[00:01:41] I was the one in control. And by not having contact with him, I remain in control. With each day, I am feeling myself getting stronger and stronger. And I truly know this could not be happening if I was having any contact whatsoever with my former love interest. Admittedly, it is tempting to go on Facebook to search by his name to see if there are any pictures posted on his page with his new girlfriend.

[00:02:05] But I fight the urge, and I'm succeeding. It takes a lot of strength and courage. But I know I can do it. And again, with every temptation that I do not give into, I am winning. I am grateful for discovering you online and believe it was not by accident that I did. It's like therapy. When the urge strikes to give into temptation, I just look you up and there is all the support I need to remain strong. Thank you. Cheryl Dear Cheryl,

[00:02:33] Thank you for your kind words. I think you are a shining example of how one can regain their power by actively taking control of their recovery. What you did was a hardcore version of the no contact letter that I recommend sending out to your ex just before cutting off all contact. You messaged him as a response to his contact to you. And I understand that his happy Mother's Day wishes may have appeared like a hypocritical insult to you.

[00:02:58] I don't know the exact circumstances of your breakup, but if there was some sort of betrayal or deception involved on the part of your ex, then sending out an anger-loaded no contact response may feel liberating. Always be civilized, though. It's like getting things out of your system. However, I think that it's always some betrayal when your partner decides that they don't want to stay in the relationship any longer, at least in our eyes.

[00:03:22] It doesn't even have to be dishonesty coming from the ex. The mere fact that they walk away is simply a break of trust. Why do they have to destroy a seemingly perfect relationship? That's why I always recommend that, just for the week right after the breakup, but no more, you try everything to get a sense of what happened, in an attempt to get some closure. Do what you have to do, I always say in my coaching. And after this one week, send out the no contact letter and cut off all contact, radically.

[00:03:51] Two main things happen to people right after the split, if they allow it. Number one, a loss of power and control. Things keep happening to you that you seem to have no control over. And number two, destructive passiveness. You feel helpless. You keep reacting to your ex and their actions. They whistle, you hop. I think I've written the following formula many times on my site, but it's so important that I can't post it often enough. Passiveness equals death. Activeness equals progression.

[00:04:21] Starting no contact means taking control of your life. It means being active in contrast to feeling helpless. Like Cheryl said, I was the one in control, and by not having contact with him, I remain in control. I've sung many hymns of praise since 2005 about the 60 days no contact rule, simply because it's the most efficient tool to eliminate the stressors in your recovery and fully concentrate on yourself. I know that you don't really want to do it.

[00:04:49] I know that you can name 50 reasons not to do it. But why not try it out? You're not manipulating your ex or playing any tricks. You are simply taking the time you need to heal. Time to rebuild yourself. Is that selfish? Well, I think that this is open to discussion. Is it selfish to take any measure necessary to heal? Is it selfish to put your needs before the person who left you? Follow Cheryl and take control into your hands today. You might even find you have a knack for it.

[00:05:18] Your friend, Eddie Corbano. You just listened to the post titled How to get control back after a breakup by Eddie Corbano of lovesagame.com Wer UVA sagt, muss auch UVB sagen. EuBos Daily Ray Protect sagt zu beiden Nein. Mit LSF 50 Plus bewahrt es ihr Gesicht 365 Tage vor UVA und UVB Strahlung.

[00:05:45] Beugt wirksam lichtbedingter Hautalterung und Pigmentflecken vor. Der tägliche Begleiter für maximalen Sonnenschutz. Daily Ray Protect. In ihrer Apotheke und auf eubos.de And a super reminder today from Eddie about taking control. Really nicely put and nicely exemplified by Cheryl as well. Whether it's breakup trauma or any other kind of trauma not related to relationships specifically,

[00:06:12] much of the frustration, whether or not we realize it, comes from no longer having control of our situation. Not that we ever really did. So not only is it difficult to face this uncertainty, but in the case of this article, it's even more daunting when we've handed control right over to someone else, hopping every time our ex whistles like Eddie referenced. So while it's important to take an active role in recovering from any trauma,

[00:06:40] it must be done with the foundation of healthy growth and boundary setting, as opposed to trying to control others or the situations we find ourselves in. As this would be a futile effort anyway. So if there is something you're struggling with right now, take a second to reflect on how much of your struggle might be due to the fact that you're really just trying to control something that's uncontrollable. And consider how it might feel to proceed while deliberately relinquishing this temptation to

[00:07:10] gain control. Very good one by Eddie. Great work from Cheryl, as I said. We are done for today though, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. Be sure to share this episode with someone who you might feel is in need of it. And do come back tomorrow where I will have another post for you. That's where your optimal life awaits.