3001: How to Speak Up to People Who Intimidate You as an Introvert by Cachet Prescott with Introvert Dear on Overcoming Intimidation

[00:00:00] Hey, it's Justin from Optimal Living Daily. Before we start, I want to share a super powerful practice I use called NSDR or Non-Sleep Deep Rest. In just about 10 minutes or so, this Yoga Nidra practice leaves you feeling as refreshed as after a nap without actually sleeping. Experience it for yourself on our guided podcast. Search NSDR and look for the one from Optimal Living Daily.

[00:00:24] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, How to Speak Up to People Who Intimidate You as an Introvert by Cachet Prescott with IntrovertDear.com Communicating with someone who intimidates you can be quite the daunting task. If you've ever found yourself stuttering, stammering, or even radio silent in the presence of a more menacing personality, I feel your pain.

[00:00:49] As a staunch introvert, loud, aggressive, and or insensitive people always intimidated me, and sometimes they still do. I avoided them like the plague. When I had to engage them, I'd often lose my train of thought and fumble through my words, or simply fade into the background, letting those around me dominate the conversation. I eventually realized that there were two glaring problems with my approach. You won't always have the luxury of hiding from those who make you uncomfortable.

[00:01:18] Clashes of personalities happen all the time for various reasons. That's just life. Hiding or avoiding never actually solves the problem. Duh. While I prevented the discomfort of encounters with my monsters in the moment, was I willing to spend the rest of my life ducking and dodging them because I couldn't find my voice? Hmm, I think not. If you're feeling intimidated by someone, understand that your fear gives them power over you and allows them to dictate your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

[00:01:48] Cowering in the face of a more challenging personality can also come across as a lack of competency, know-how, or skill. A lack of confidence or assertiveness. Being seen as spineless or weak. And no need for them to take you seriously. Identify the source of your intimidation. Want to start communicating like an introverted boss? First and foremost, I suggest starting by looking within. After all, reflection is what introverts do best.

[00:02:17] Ask yourself why you are intimidated. What is it about this person that induces fear? Is it their overall demeanor? Personality? Approach? Tone? Title? Position? Education level? Financial status? Viewpoint? Or something else? Is there a pattern in the type of people who intimidate you? Think back to the people who have intimidated you in the past. Are there any similarities among them?

[00:02:43] When I think back, I can definitely spot a pattern to the type of people I felt intimidated by. People with some perceived power. Confidence, assertiveness, popularity, etc. Their ability to effortlessly be who they were, speak their truth, and command the crowd only punctuated the fact that I struggled to do so myself. For example, during my first year in college, I seemingly out of nowhere developed the uncontrollable,

[00:03:10] nervous habit of repeating the last thing someone had just said in a social setting. Think brick from the show The Middle, minus the whole bow my head and whisper thing. Unbeknownst to me, my brief bout of echolalia was really about my inability to comfortably express my own thoughts in social situations, and not about the intimidating people themselves. Which leads me to my next point. Tune into any insecurities affecting your perspective.

[00:03:36] What are you personally struggling with that might be coloring your experience with this person? Is there an underlying fear or limiting belief about yourself that's actually at play? This might be a belief that no one cares about what you have to say, which might affect how you interact with those who speak up seemingly without fear. Feeling misunderstood or a sense of powerlessness can rear its ugly head when someone else unapologetically takes charge of a situation, as I experienced in college in the example I mentioned.

[00:04:05] What stories are you telling yourself about this person? What assumptions are you making about them and your relationship? Is there any truth to these stories? Tap into your inner assertiveness. In his book, The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks describes the zone of genius as the place where your greatest passion and your innate gifts meet. Your zone isn't just about what you're decent, good, or even excellent at. Your zone is where you thrive and shine. What's your zone of genius?

[00:04:35] What unique power and talents do you bring to the table? Focus on those strengths, rather than fixating on your perceived weaknesses, and tap into your inner rock star. Then, the next time you're asked to do something you don't want to do, pause and exercise your right to say no instead of leaning on an automatic yes. Or simply commit to making one relevant point during an upcoming meeting. It won't always be easy, but the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll become with sharing your thoughts and insights.

[00:05:05] More tips to reclaim your power Depending on the person you're dealing with, the previous advice alone may not do the trick. But have no fear. You can take steps towards reclaiming your power and leveling the playing field by… 1. Humanizing Your Monster Dig beneath the surface. You may find that underneath their scary exterior, there's a person. Get to know and try to understand that person.

[00:05:32] Recognize your similarities rather than focusing on your perceived differences. Also realize that even the most challenging people are struggling with their own insecurities, which may manifest as aggressiveness or insensitivity. While this doesn't excuse their behaviors, tapping into this perspective can empower you to communicate without fear and not take their behavior personally. 2. Preparing for the Encounter Get yourself in the right headspace for the interaction.

[00:06:01] When possible, prepare and rehearse what you'd like to say beforehand to avoid fumbling over your words or being silenced. Keying into the other person's preferred communication style can also be helpful in meeting them where they are and having a productive conversation. 3. Clearing the Air If there's any tension between you and your monster, you may need to confront the issue head-on in spite of your discomfort. Have a conversation to get to the root of the issue and move beyond it once and for all.

[00:06:30] The successful approach to clearing the air includes… Scheduling a time to talk and not catching the person off guard and putting them in a defensive mode. Mentally preparing yourself for the discussion ahead of time, but not obsessing. Considering what role you could be playing in the tension between you two. Really listening to the other person's point of view and trying to see things from their perspective. Developing a plan for interacting beyond the conversation. 4. Lightening the Mood

[00:07:00] Break the tension by adding a little humor, if appropriate. Learning to speak up for yourself can be an uncomfortable, yet absolutely life-changing process for an introvert. Believe me, I speak from experience. When you look inward, challenge the stories you've been telling yourself about those who intimidate you, and use your voice, you gain confidence in yourself and your abilities and reclaim your personal power. You just listened to the post titled,

[00:07:29] How to Speak Up to People Who Intimidate You as an Introvert, by Cachet Prescott with IntrovertDear.com. And I really enjoyed today's post. Thank you to Cachet for letting us read it. I think what you would ordinarily expect from posts about speaking up to people, you know, would be something about, like, pumping yourself up and feeling really empowered and whatnot.

[00:07:51] And while these are not really bad things to strive for, they're layered, and they require a mindful approach to be executed the right way. And I think that Caché did a really great job of exploring that mindfulness today, and how we can go beneath the intimidation to learn more about both ourselves and the intimidating people in question. This is a highly responsible approach that we should take towards any uncomfortable feelings we have regarding someone else,

[00:08:20] you know, from intimidation to pity, despair, and jealousy. Are these feelings really about them, or are they about me, we might ask ourselves? What's making them tick that I can try to understand and thereby formulate sympathy from? These types of questions help to regulate our emotions to make any necessary interactions much more amicable, in theory. So, we thank Caché for breaking that down today, and I thank all of you for listening all the way through. And know that we will be here with you every single day, as always.

[00:08:50] So, keep on coming back for more content to help you better your relationships. I hope to see you there, where your optimal life awaits.